missrigby
03-03-11, 16:25
Hi,
I'm not sure where to start.
My life was perfect (apart from work and money stresses) until New Year, and infact nothing has changed, that i was aware and i am still confused about everything at the moment.
I am in a loving relationship which has been nothing but perfect for over 3 years now, i can not see my life without this guy. Work sucks, unbelievablee stressed and i think this has a lot to do with it, also money problems. I am 26, my partner is 48. Age has never been a problem and never will be, and i am only writing this as it will be explained further down.
But anyway,
New Years Eve, I got punched, I was drunk, cant remember. My partner went away to work on the Monday (he works away for weeks at a time), i thought i was coping fine with this punch (it looked bad and hurt like a bitch), Friday afternoon comes and i find my body getting what can only be described as pins and needles, tingling throughout, my chest felt like it was collapsing and my breathing was quite intense, not to mention the headache. So this day ended with a trip to the hospital to make sure nothing was happening upstairs. All was fine, and i was told to rest.
The wednesday, i find myself crying uncontrollably missing my partner and not wanting to be alone. I went to my partners house to stay, however i still had to go to work, and i couldn't concentrate, my motivation was gone, i kept crying and then i start convincing myself that i am ill and that i'll never see my partner again.
Mornings are the worst, its getting to work, sitting on the bus, my tummy goes... walking from the bus the chest goes, then my breathing. This has kind of eased off..
Monday comes, i get intense pains in my stomach, parents take me to the
hospital thinking its my appendix. Stay in hospital over night, turns out to be nothing.
So i have one last week at my parents, some days aren't too bad, when i say aren't too bad, i feel numb really and i'm not thinking anything. Then the crying and thinking i may not see my partner, and then thinking about the future and that i will have to deal with not having my partner, if age takes its cause i will probs have 20-30 years after my partner is gone..
Following Monday, partner is returning, so happy and excited. Everthing is great for a few hours, but then i think "do i want to be with you, do i love you, do you love me, is there any point?"
These feelings are out the blue, like i said before New Year everything was perfect and was still perfect when he was away, we were talking everyday and everthing was normal apart from my episodes.
When i think these bad things about my partner it upsets me as i know i want to be with him, and i am very touchy feely with him. Nothing has changed, i still want to kiss him, cuddle him, be with him. Yet sometimes i just stop and think those silly things.
I don't know whether my head has registered that he left me a few days after punching me, so he's abandoned me, so i'll push him away or what.
But i know that these feelings aren't true and they need to be stopped somehow. I don't always think them, infact i can kind of control it, but sometimes at work, i just sit there and start the cycle again.
I have so much fun with my partner, i am so attacked to my partner and i still get butterflies thinking about him. But these feelings???
God i blab, just any advice really. I have been to the doctors a few times and he has said that i have anxiety/minor depression. I do not want to go on medication. I just want to know that i can overcome this.
I'm not sure where to start.
My life was perfect (apart from work and money stresses) until New Year, and infact nothing has changed, that i was aware and i am still confused about everything at the moment.
I am in a loving relationship which has been nothing but perfect for over 3 years now, i can not see my life without this guy. Work sucks, unbelievablee stressed and i think this has a lot to do with it, also money problems. I am 26, my partner is 48. Age has never been a problem and never will be, and i am only writing this as it will be explained further down.
But anyway,
New Years Eve, I got punched, I was drunk, cant remember. My partner went away to work on the Monday (he works away for weeks at a time), i thought i was coping fine with this punch (it looked bad and hurt like a bitch), Friday afternoon comes and i find my body getting what can only be described as pins and needles, tingling throughout, my chest felt like it was collapsing and my breathing was quite intense, not to mention the headache. So this day ended with a trip to the hospital to make sure nothing was happening upstairs. All was fine, and i was told to rest.
The wednesday, i find myself crying uncontrollably missing my partner and not wanting to be alone. I went to my partners house to stay, however i still had to go to work, and i couldn't concentrate, my motivation was gone, i kept crying and then i start convincing myself that i am ill and that i'll never see my partner again.
Mornings are the worst, its getting to work, sitting on the bus, my tummy goes... walking from the bus the chest goes, then my breathing. This has kind of eased off..
Monday comes, i get intense pains in my stomach, parents take me to the
hospital thinking its my appendix. Stay in hospital over night, turns out to be nothing.
So i have one last week at my parents, some days aren't too bad, when i say aren't too bad, i feel numb really and i'm not thinking anything. Then the crying and thinking i may not see my partner, and then thinking about the future and that i will have to deal with not having my partner, if age takes its cause i will probs have 20-30 years after my partner is gone..
Following Monday, partner is returning, so happy and excited. Everthing is great for a few hours, but then i think "do i want to be with you, do i love you, do you love me, is there any point?"
These feelings are out the blue, like i said before New Year everything was perfect and was still perfect when he was away, we were talking everyday and everthing was normal apart from my episodes.
When i think these bad things about my partner it upsets me as i know i want to be with him, and i am very touchy feely with him. Nothing has changed, i still want to kiss him, cuddle him, be with him. Yet sometimes i just stop and think those silly things.
I don't know whether my head has registered that he left me a few days after punching me, so he's abandoned me, so i'll push him away or what.
But i know that these feelings aren't true and they need to be stopped somehow. I don't always think them, infact i can kind of control it, but sometimes at work, i just sit there and start the cycle again.
I have so much fun with my partner, i am so attacked to my partner and i still get butterflies thinking about him. But these feelings???
God i blab, just any advice really. I have been to the doctors a few times and he has said that i have anxiety/minor depression. I do not want to go on medication. I just want to know that i can overcome this.