new to all thi

[holly87]

hi my names holly im 23 an ive only been suffering from health anxiety about 5 weeks :/ so not nearly as long as some people .. im lucky i had my aunty to speak to as shes a sufferer too .. it started from a story my friend told me about a lump in someones neck.. i was aware i had a little lump and wasnt worried as my mum had told me its just swollen and also my friend has one too .. but then i started googleing and all sortd of really bad things came up as you can imagine, iv since seen two doctors who also said its just swollen and sometimes they never go down ,,they sent me for blood tests for my "peace of mind" because of the state i was in and diagnosed me with anxiety at the same time im currently waitin for my results .. im terrified just incase theres something wrong its so scarey just not knowing and the "if's and buts" im haveing all the anxiety symptoms i.e aches & pains all over my body cant sleep for worrying and dont often eat properly :( as you know not eating and being able to sleep properly takes it toll an so makes me feel even worse .. at first i had flu like symptoms no energy or anything, to take my mind off things i do as much as possible even if that be to continuesly clean the house .. iv started listening to loud music if my thoughts get really bad as it helps not to think too much .. if im not worrying about one thing ill soon find somethin else to worry about :( its horrible and i wouldnt wish this upon anybody .. at first i thought i was actually dieing its like a big black cloud came over me and made my mind think things you dont useually think about well not to the extent i do now anyway .. i constantly need reasurence but it doesnt make me feel any better.. i cant think to the future because i dont beleive ill be here .. its so sad and upsetting! i just want to be who i was before all this but its not that simple ive made my mind think the way it is thinking and only i can made it think the way it should .. i wont take any medication i cant see how that can cure me only mask my anxiety .. x

[nomorepanic]

Hi holly87

A huge warm welcome to nmp.

You'll get loads of advice and support here and make some lovely friends along the way.

Best wishes

[KayleighJane]

hiya holly, my name is kayleigh and im 24, like you I am new to anxiety and have been suffering with it for about 7 weeks now. I felt the same about medication as in I didn't want to take any as i thought it would mask my problems but after about 5 weeks of constant panic attacks and feelings of anxiety I went back to my dr to discuss meds, I was prescribed citalopram and propanolol and they have actually made a difference to how I feel, I don't feel completely "normal" but am feeling stronger every day. I am also being refered for CBT. I wouldnt write off taking meds as they can actually help the situation and you might find they make a difference for you also. x

[holly87]

hi kayleigh. yes my doc perscribed me citalopram too.. i got them from the chemist but for about 4 days i was telling my self if i dont feel any better tomorrow ill take one and then after about four days i was just about to swallow one and i spat it out as i thought "what if" im allergic to them :/ sounds silly i know .. but i havent had any meds and i can definitey say i feel better now than i did two weeks ago and thats just by talkin to my aunt that knows what im going through and readin the "linden method" if youve heard of it ,its so scarey as im sure you'll agree when it first hits you, you dont know what it is or why your feeling like you are .. iv totally convinced myself that theres something seriously wrong with me :( i just want to think logically and rationally again .. i may one day take meds if need be but id really rather not x

[KayleighJane]

its not silly at all, I understand how you feel. Ive been to the doctor, to the hospital, had ambulance out and had loads of tests done all because I was convinced that there was something majorly wrong with me. Its really difficult trying to convince yourself otherwise! Ive not heard of the linden method, what is it? Its good that you have a family member who has been through the same thing so you can talk to them about it, thats why I like coming on here as it makes me realise I'm not the only person feeling the way I do. Hats off to you for not using the meds though and good luck with everything xx

[holly87]

yeah its almost impossible to convince yourself otherwise :( i never imagined our minds are as powerfull as they are .. two weeks ago i was at my very worst and i got ready 3 times to go to the hospital the only thing that stopped me from going was fear of what "may" be wrong with me if you get me? im scared of the things i dont know about and scared at the same time of knowing for sure .. the feelings where overwhelming i took my son to the play area and just had to get out of there into fresh air because i was panicing almost sufforcateing then when i was out side i felt no better but could breath more outside .. the linden method is a book and some CD's made by a man called charles linden whos sufferd first hand for 7 years with severe anxiety and panic attacks ,its his method that hes made to make people well again.. i got it off my aunt she says that without it she doesnt know where she would be now ,iv been doin it for 11 days and iv not had a full blown panic attack at all in that time although ive still been worried sick about alot of things it helps to read his story and know hes exactly how i am well worse than me.. and its paxked full of things that put your mind to rest because all the aches and pains and sensations and thoughts were experianceing hes had too .. its worth looking at :) .. go on www.charles-linden.com and have a read .. im blessed to have had someone close to me to be able to tell me what was going on in my mind because i didnt have a clue .. xx

[KayleighJane]

tell me about it, i never thought anxiety/or the mind itself could make people feel so awful but the doctor said to me that stress does horrible things to people! thanks for the link I will definately check that out, i'm trying my hand at anything at the moment and love hearing about new therapies and alternative ways of coping with anxiety. so where are you from? i'm in lovely dover lol :) xx

[holly87]

yeah me too ..i thought that if i didnt want to think about things then i could just easily stop myself from thinkin about them untill now and iv realised that no matter what you try to put to the back of your mind its still there without you knowing it .. yeh check it out because its helped me and really helped my aunty .. :) i live in mansfield its in nottinghamshire so not so lovely lol xx

[KayleighJane]

yeah I used to think the same, but things are still there in your mind and then they crop up when you least expect them, even when your just doing something normal like watching tv or having a bath and not even feeling particularly anxious at that time, its a strange thing! I'm just on that website now having a browse, its quite informative about panic attacks aswell which is good to read about and learn more about. I've found that although doctors are very helpful they havent really explained much about the science part of panic and this is what I would like to find out more about x

[holly87]

yeah im the same im sat on laptop now and still gettin pains n achs an then they lead me to think oh what could be wrong with me its something bad .. it seems never ending but im sure that when i get my results back and if im "ok" ill be able to whole heartedly get better :) .. yeah he explains everything to you and how it happens inside you like when your tense its your neck and shoulders that are the most tense and that effects the rest of your body because weve got nerve endings everywhere and if your tense then its obviously gunna effect the rest of your body .. do you suffer with aches and pains? there what effect me the most because they scare me and make me think theres something wrong and then my thoughts run away with them selfs and it goes on and on like that .. xx

[KayleighJane]

I do get aches and pains but mainly I just feel jumpy and twitchy a lot if that makes sense? and then like you said yourself when I feel like that my mind starts playing tricks and running away with its thoughts and it pretty much escalates from there, though like I said in my earlier post the meds are helping with these feelings but its still difficult to cope with them all the same! I would just love to feel like my old self again :) xx

[KayleighJane]

also that recovery retreat looks very relaxing and lovely :) wouldn't mind a stint in there, though i would probably have to look into robbing a bank first lol x

[holly87]

yeah the smallest thing starts me off .. i banged my finger earlier on a cupboard and i was panicing over that :/ i dont think ive seen the recovery retreat il have a look lol but then again no point because i doubt ill afford to go eather lol .. because of my anxiety im obsessed with my neck amoungst other things but thats the main issue so im constantly feelin it and checkin it an it hurts all the time and aches n pains :( so i think the more you obsess over something the more its going to feel like theres something wrong :/ xx

[KayleighJane]

do you panic about many different things that you feel in the day or do you tend to concentrate for long periods of time over one thing? my main worry is breathing/hyperventilation- i get periods of obsessivness about stopping breathing/not being able to breathe for whatever reason and that makes me panic and that starts off the whole chain reaction, its very draining! x

[holly87]

everything that i feel, like aches and pains i associate them all with my neck and the fact that i think ive got somthing bad! but i also panic about all sorts of things .. like the other day i got a headache and that scared me thinkin there was somethin else wrong with me .. i get an itch and i panic over it or a rash and thats all i worry about untill its gone. i got out the bath the other night and i had a red rash on my arms and i went and stood outside where it was freezein for about half an hour and then it had gone ..i worry about one thing until iv got somethin (in my head) bigger to worry about .. so im never not worried .. but i am constantly worried about one thing in paticular xx

[KayleighJane]

blimey girl you must be knackered aswell lol, i get tired of thinking about thinking sometimes lol :) I'm logging off now so I can go and grab some dinner but its been lovely chatting with you and hopefully we can chat again another time? its good to talk to someone my own age going through similar problems. chin up and chat soon x

[holly87]

yep i am soooo draind and tired but still cant sleep right :( yeh me too i get up thinkin i hope i dont think and then im thinkin things again :/ lol im lol'in cuz if i dont ill cry .. yeh you go get your dinner .. yes id like to chat soon with you it is nice to know were roughly in the same situation .. personal message me anytime too if you want :) ill be glad to chat .. speak soon xx

[london]

your get loads of help here and your get better yiou see
when you panic say a prayer it helps me a lot
god bless

[holly87]

i really hope so :) ive started to feel really low again and worried :/ i was ok earlier but now im not and its nearly bed time so doubt ill sleep .. im not religious but ive said a few prayers thease past few weeks .. bless you too .x

[london]

if i cant sleep i read a book its works you see
when you can pop in chat your get loads of help and it will take your mind off things god bless dont start giveing up your beat this i know you will

[holly87]

im feeling very down at the min and i dont want to get anyone else down. i need constant reasurence but i need to stop that because it only makes me feel ok for a few minutes then im back where i started. i dont intend to give up dont worry :) i need to be ok for my son my ray of sunshine .. thankyou x

[london]

you wont bring no one down come in chat when you can your love it

[Deepest Blue]

Hi Holly I just wanted to say welcome to the forum, I hope you feel better soon x

[holly87]

thankyou guys. i too hope you feel better too. it wont let me chat in the chat room a the moment but when it does hope to speak to you x

[KayleighJane]

hey holly, how you doing today? :) x