The panics returned :(

[laurajoy88]

Hi Everyone

I've been having a good few months since my agrophobic/depressive/high anxiety episodes in november and being put on cit 10mg, then recently upped to 20mg (on the fourth week of 20mg now)

I thought I was getting better but it seems to of all flooded back out of nowhere :(

I went out for a meal with work last friday evening which is a big challenge for me as i hate eating out in resturants (fear of choking) and i was really pleased with myself, and everyone commented on how relaxed i was, and i felt like i could of eaten a main meal after finishing my soup with no problems.. had 2 rose spritzers and had a really good night, no escaping to the toilets or anything!

The next day i was really looking forward to going shopping with my bf in the town.. which is another big challenge for me. But as i got there I felt like I did back int he day.. sweaty palms, lightheaded, reeeeeeeally nervous. We went into debenhams, and up to the top floor no problems. Then coming down in the lift we got to the bottom and something came over me and i went major lightheaded, hugged into my bf who said my body went all limp and faint like, and i immediately pressed the lift button to go back UP to the top floor to escape to the toilets. BLEH! i hate department stores and felt so trapped why was i going back up!!!! i was a shaking mess and sat in the loos for 10 mins spraying my face with water (i have an evian spray thing) and i didnt want to go back out there :( i eventually calmed down adn we went home straight away (went down the escalator this time and got out the shop asap!!)

I just feel really bad because I havent been like that for months now and pretty ashamed that this has happened :(

I feel like my medication has suddenly stopped working. I get these 'mad feelings' when in traffic like "why am i here, whats the purpose of us being here? aaaaaaah!" and even now when typing this my palms are disgusting and sweaty :(

I'm really annoyed with my cbt therapist because hes been on annual leave and ihavent seen anyone for 2 weeks. although i dont think it really helps anyway! I asked my doctor about the medication and she said to try cutting it in half every other day. 1 day 20mg, 1 day 10mg... i dont see how that will help though making it lower! surely higher is better?

Ive had palpatations and a racing heart all weekend and i've seemed to of lost my determination and mojo!

:shrug:

Sorry i've ranted on. Im jsut so fed up and wish this panic would go away for good. i hate living like this :frown:

Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this, i better get back to work now..

xxx

[GunMetal]

Hi Laura,

I'm sorry you've had a bad turn, but don't let it knock your confidence. You had a brilliant achievement before that with going out for dinner with your work mates, i know i wouldn't have been able to do that!! It may have just been a case of you wore yourself out a bit and when you went out the next day you didn't have as much energy to fight it.
Definately don't be ashamed!! Everyone has setbacks but the main thing is you focus on the good bits of your week and realise that that kind of life is achievable

Jen x

[laurajoy88]

Thank you Jen xx :)

[Mic]

Hi Laura, feel for you, I too get the odd bad day, DO NOT FEEL ASHAMED, you are doing great think about before having the odd good day was something and you ar , doing really well, please don't let this lead you off your course of recovery. look forward keep going the way you were and totally ignore this one off experience, it cam along to say hey you wan me back, just turn the other cheek and say no thanks anxiety I remember you well but I will not tolerate you coming back in to my life even people who do not suffer from anxiety get these one off feelings but they can accept them as one offs as they have not had the bad anxiety and they can carry on unfortunately for us these feelings can trigger off the anxiety, just think you may of been feeling slightly unwell, now I'm rambling but just want to to know you are not alone.:hugs: big hugs and remember how well you have been doing.

[laurajoy88]

Thank you for your great words of wisdom mic :hugs:
my fluttering racing heart has seemed to of calmed down today so yay!

and as for mr anxiety, no i do not want you back again.. go away! hehe :)

thank you again xx

[Mic]

Good news Laura, anyway just remember your heart can flutter when something good happens too!!!! have you read any of Claire Weekes books they are great!! just tell yourself the heart flutter was in anticipation of that new item of clothing you were about to think about buying!!! up and onward....... you can crack this we all can.:hugs:heres to the new found freedom from Mr anxiety, we are not playing today, or tomorrow, whatever feeling you get tell yourself you like it and try and make it worse it just won't happen, I have even laughed at the feelings, yep I'm strange but I would try anything to be 100% rid of this I don't want to be with Mr anxiety anymore, isn't it odd what it can do to you???? have a good day and make sure you go back to the shop this happened in and buy something even something small and then laugh and say hey I did it.xxx