I feel so alone... Please help me

[tracey2009]

I am new to this website and want to tell you my story as I desperately need some advice. I apologise if my post is long but I feel I need to get everything out.
I have always been a 'worrier' as a little girl I would wake up in the night panicking and crying to my mum and dad about what would happen when they die! I have always been able to control my 'worrying' - until 2 years ago when I turned 30! I started having this overhwelming fear of my parents getting elderly! My dad is very fit and active at the moment and I constantly worry about him not being able to cope with old age when he is unable to run and do the things he does now. My fears are made worse when I think about him also suffering from anxiety. (I know that he does although I have never asked him about it) I know that he worries too about getting old.
This is my main worry although I also worry about my brother as he too suffers (I think) and I feel guilty as I am financially better of than he is!!
I went to the docs 2 years ago and they send me for CBT which I hated - think I did not bond with the therapist!!
Now I am worse than ever. I wake up feeling very low and down in the dumps, I worry constantly. Now for the wierd bit: I have a great well paid job, 6 mths ago I moved into a brand new house with my lovely boyfriend, I have a nice car.... But I am so unhappy and my anxiety gets worse as I feel guilty about feeling so unhappy!
I don't have full blown panic attacks but I have a 'feeling' that is there all of the time. The panic hightens maybe every hour or so then calms down a bit but is still there! I have a fear of 'time' now I am 32 and I feel that with every year that we reach I am going to feel worse.
If I feel like this now how will I cope when 1 of my parents does pass away? Will I crack up completely?
Now I am 32 I am also starting to think about starting a family, but how can I do this when I am the way I am.
When I was younger I could always stop the anixiety as I would tell myself "oh you don't need to worry about that yet" - now my family are getting older all of the time and I am worried sick.
I go to work every day but I have no interest in anything/my sex drive has been effected and I just worry and panic constantly.
I fear that this is the way I am now and that there is no help for me.
Anyone have any advice? Do I suffer from GAD or a much more complex panic disorder.
Thanks for listening
Tracy

[clivjoo]

Hi Tracey,

sorry to hear you are feeling so down.anxiety is a funny old thing. I would suggest that your reasons for anxiety are your worries-getting old. Are you taking any medication to help you cope? I started on Propranolol a few years ago and that helps.

im also a worrier, although I cant 100% explain why. worry about money, awkward situations etc etc. I am better than I used to be, and i have learned to try and not worry so much, which is hard.

CBT is tricky, did you have one on one? I am currently in counselling, which does include some CBT, but I hav edone a heck of a lot of CBT and although helpful, im not cured. Im finding the one on one counselling good, and my counseller is peeling away at the onion that is my life!

Try not to feel guilty, you have done nothing to feel guilty about. you may find it helpful to talk to your dad you know, tell him how you feel, find out how he feels, it might be like a weight off your shoulders. I recently started talking to my mum about my problems, and felt good.

You may well suffer from SAD, I think most anxiety sufferers probably do, but you just need to learn about what makes you anxious, and confront it if you can. A bit of logic might help you a lot.

try to be calm, relax and dont feel guitly, I hope you get sorted soon!

Clive

[tracey2009]

Thanks Clive, it's reassuring to know that you understand!

The CBT was one on one but my therapist was trying to convince me that I was having panic attacks even though I told her I wasn't and I felt like she was just checking her watch all the time. The session was an hour long and by the time I felt relaxed enough to talk the session was over!

I am not on any medication but I am starting to think I need it! I have made a doctors appointment for Friday to see what they suggest.

My main 'trigger' is thinking about my parents getting older. We are very close infact sometimes I think we may be too close. My dad turned 65 and retired last December which has certainly triggered me off, tho I worried about him retiring for the whole of last year!!!

I just want to feel normal again and stop thinking so negatively!

I used to be the life and the soul of the party and everybody wanted to spend time with me. I feel as though since I turned 30 I have started thinking so negatively about everything!!!

I hope you are ok too, thanks for the advice x

[clivjoo]

when you see your doctor, talk about anxiety. talk about what is troubling you, and dont worry about taking up their time. Consider a beta blocker to help with anxiety, it will help you with the symptoms of anxiety, and you may find it easier to cope and sort things out.

Im on 10Mg propranolol, and I dont get any symptoms that I notice!

[tracey2009]

Sorry for all the questions but do you think you were as anxious as I am and are you saying that the tablets have helped you? I always swore I would never take medication but as I say this started to impact on my life 2 years ago and I feel that the older I get the worse it will get. Hope my doctor can help as she doesn't specialise in mental health or anything but I just want her advice really.

[margaretpartridge]

i sympathise with you i have very bad panic attacks and im worried all the time.I have just come down from bed as i just could not sleep. isometimes get so low that i dont think i can go on

[Bill]

Tracey:hugs:

I've just replied on your copy in the General section. The "cure" is within your own control IF you feel able to train your own mind without a therapists help.:hugs:

[RLR]

The underlying nature of guilt is typically driven to various levels by significant emotional projection, most often focusing the disparity between the sufferer and others around them. In other words, it emotionally troubles you that others are perceived to be less fortunate and suffering in some context, ie your brother's less successful financial status or your parents' progression toward advanced age, together with the difficulties associated with such status.

The vigilence to the plight of others can many times produce sympathetic circumstances in the sufferer. By example, if you feel compassionate toward your brother and parents in their perceived dilemma, then you can't enjoy life yourself and feel undeserving of being happy or content allthewhile loved ones are suffering according your observations.

It's always advisable to perform introspection, or self-evaluation, when encountering emotional difficulties such as those being described. For instance, surely you must remember a time when you were less fortunate than you are now, yet very likely were not suffering to the extent you feel is taking place with your brother or parents and most likely you did not ruminate about your difficulty.

There is much to the experience of life that brings joy and contenment in the absence of being financially successful or being young in age. Your loved ones do not suffer as you perceive and it's important to realize that this misconception more often speaks to the emotional plight of the sufferer rather than others.

The guilt of disparity is very misleading, for it is the love and care that you clearly demonstrate for your brother and parents which makes them rich beyond compare.

From a purely professional standpoint, these kinds of perceptions you are speaking about are often engaged within the context of mild clinical depression with anxiety features. The inability to enjoy your interests, hobbies or undertakings and even the comfort that your career brings you is known as anhedonia. The fact that your libido has also been affected draws a clearer distinction toward depression of a mild to moderate level. This observation is not intended to suggest that you need to be under treatment with antidepressant therapy, but merely that you need to recognize symptoms of the disorder and potentially determine what can be done about it.

It also might help if you were to consider spending time with your family members from the standpoint of the true equality that has always been shared among you, rather than feeling any dispair for circumstances being generated more by your emotions than in the context of reality. You might find that your family is ironically very pleased that you are doing well financially because it represents a safety factor which all parents strive to observe in their children. Knowing that you will do well in life affords them a comfort that you cannot otherwise bring forth.

You also might consider the possibility of volunteering your time to a noble cause in order to relieve yourself of such a degree of guilt. I share this with you because at nearly ninety years old, I still blow the dust off of my medical bag and volunteer my time several weeks a year to Childrens Hospital to spend time with truly unfortunate patients. I do so because it serves to remind me that the journey only ceases when you find yourself without purpose. Living is certainly not relegated to existing, but rather seeking out ways to contribute along with others doing likewise. It's the very reason that many people turn philanthropic, sharing their time and experiences in efforts to enrich and improve the lives of others.

Many times, the more milder elements of clinical depression simply constitute a momentary loss of direction in life based upon misperception. You've lost your momentum in some regards because you feel others are suffering in some way, a premise that emotionally prevents you from the right to feel happy and content.

Your life is awaiting your return. You simply need to re-engage it. No one is suffering, Tracy. Like all of us, yourself included, they are living life to whatever expectations they choose. Variations in financial status, the difficulties of dealing with anxiety or depression and even growing older is all part of a very natural progression.

You have accidentally elected to step down from life and instead watch it take place as an observer in some regards, scrutinizing the unfortunate elements which befall all of us at some time or another that are inevitable despite all the care and concern you can muster.

It's okay to feel fortunate Tracy and contrary to your stated beliefs, you are producing happiness and contentment in those you care about by doing so. By standing on the side of guilt, you may well find this to potentially become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I highlight this point merely to suggest that your father's anxiety could be stemmed from your unhappiness. By stepping firmly back into life and re-engaging it, you could well do far greater good for those whose worries may rival your own. Do you see my point here?

You're going to be just fine and you're certainly not going to "crack up" in any regard.

Sometimes life doesn't always just happen to us. There are times when we must charge forward and make our strengths known. We must both inwardly and externally represent our unique place in this world. From a far-reaching perspective, I would simply remind you that among the billions of galaxies in the universe, which each contain billions of stars, around which billions of planets are encircled, in all this utter vastness there is only one of you. If that is not breathtakingly remarkable, then pray tell what is? To that extent we are all fortunate then, aren't we? There is no true disparity, Tracy, only difference. It's not something to hold in turmoil, but rather thankfulness.

You have duties to yourself, my young friend. You shouldn't waste any second of them in worrisome guilt for circumstances which don't constitute fault. It is your contributions made each day which define you to yourself and those around you. Your family, your friends and your future family depend upon your strength. Irrational fears bind people to a motionless state quite frequently. You must face these fears head-on and call them out.

Everything you need to re-engage your life is entirely within you, Tracy. You needn't seek out answers within a therapist unless you have expectations that control over your life and destiny lies in the hands of others.

Best regards,

Rutheford Rane, MD (ret.)