depressed and totally hacked off!!

[sarahblonde32]

hi,
I only just realised the title of this section is depression from panic/anxiety, rather than just depressed....but i guess the 2 are connected in some way. I just wanted to say i cant believe my swings from so high...feeling good..to so low...just crying on the way home. I even cried in asda today, well i could it coming after i read something with lovely words in the card section...but i had to really swallow the tears!
now im sitting at home, feeling totally fed up, sad, and feeling very sorry for myself. i am fed up of eating alone, finding something and cooking for one, finding the energy to go to the gym so i dont have to spend yet another evening on the sofa watching miserable soaps,wondering when i will get just a little bit of good news or something positive..

anyway sorry for groaning on and on!!
sarah..miserable and grumpy...

[honeyp1e]

awww i no how your feeling right now on feeling down/ depressed and alone (even though i have a partner) i still feel alone in so many ways am always breaking down crying but am never having any up days mine are always DOWN days i really don't no why am still here am dragging myself through each day i can't believe that anxiety has got me down so much i find am worrying 24/7 my mind is racing so so much and i just can't seem to control it i hate the way my life has gone am 28 and don't go out my door this has gone on now for about 18 months or more and i don't see a way out..
are you on any anxiety meds ??

[sarahblonde32]

hi, no i dont want meds, and i have just realised what it is that is wrong with me, well i am still not really sure. i thought i was just a bit down, but i think its more than that. Had my heart broken alomost a year ago and i just cant shake the horrible low feelings, i just want to cry all the time. i think that has caused me to be anxious and stressed and i started getting horrible gagging thing and feeling like i just had to run home, i hardly see my friends and hardly go out. i like my own company, im normally quite happy pleasing myself,but lately i am getting lonely, i really need to my arse in gear,meet someone etc etc. im 33.
sarah x

[Bill]

Something I wrote some time ago which I hope will give you some comfort.:hugs:.....

A woman standing alone at her window as raindrops slowly fall down the glass mirroring her tears that flow from her lonely hurt filled eyes. A world beyond that exists that she can see but cannot feel or touch in her solitude. Confined by her fears, limited by her anxiety, seeking comfort and compassion that she herself cannot find from within. Yearning for the sun to appear from behind the clouds that fill her mind with a heavy fog over a frozen ice covered cold ground. Seeking the warmth that her dark room and four walls prevent her from feeling.

Who will care for her? Who will knock on her door to say I care? Who will say to her she's not alone?

Her sharp objects lie with reassuring reflections from the cold light of day that illuminates her darkened soul. Pill packets lie empty providing false hope of a future that will never be.

No one visits. No one can wrap her in angels wings to keep her safe. No one can provide a candles glow to bring back feelings to a forgotten life of lonely living.

Now.........picture her as a man........how I used to be.......and why I care so much for those now there.:hugs:

Try not to feel too low. A princess such as you will ALWAYS be in high demand so I have no doubt a prince will be out there looking for you and He will be the lucky one when he finds such precious treasure!...and I mean that Sincerely.:):hugs:

[sarahblonde32]

Wow those words are lovely...they made me teary...well thats not difficult!

Im at work now, trying to hold it together...
thanks
sarah

[HypnosWisher]

Awwww Sarah,

I know sometimes it is difficult to maintain a consistent mood and that anything can trigger laughter or tears.

I am currently on the same path with my moods and mine tends to be really down at the moment and just finding dissatisfaction with everything in life at the moment. I am hoping that treatment and support from forums like this one will help me.

Everyone here is supportive and I hope you start to feel better

:hugs:

[sarahblonde32]

thanks:hugs:its nice to know there are people with similar symptoms/issues who understand. I havent told anyone about how i feel and i really hold it together in from of everyone, then i get home and crumble..
i turn over if the radio plays a sad song, most things on tv happy or sad have me in tears, i cant see my friends as they are all happily settled with kids, i visit my parents but often come away with tears in my eyes as i just want to hug them...
getting a bit annoyed with myself feeling like this and im worried its going to get worse.
i start acupuncture tomo so im hoping that will help if only a little. What treatment do you have? im reluctant to go to docs as i dont want antidepressants...
sarahx

[HypnosWisher]

Hi Sarah,

I am currently on mediation as my problems have been long running and I just hit a point last year when I realised I needed hepl and went about getting the right help. I started by seeking counselling and eventually we discovered together that it wasn't helping and I turned to Hypnotherapy which again was not helping in the way I was hoping and then I went down the medication route as my doctor thinks that this may help. I am currently on Duoxetine for Depression and Quetiapine for Insomnia.

I am finding it a struggle to hold everything together as I want the old me back and I feel that person is gone forever. I want start a family, which again is proving difficult at this moment and it feels like self sabotage sometimes. I just need to find the balance to give me peace again.

Thanks
Mike

[Bill]

i visit my parents but often come away with tears in my eyes as i just want to hug them...

Why don't you princess? Wouldn't they enjoy your hugs just as much as you'd enjoy being hugged by them?

If I were offered a hug, I'd jump at the chance because hugs would be priceless to me! For me they would be much effective than meds. I'd much rather a long hug a day than a pill a day. The benefits of a hug would also be longer lasting.:hugs:

[sarahblonde32]

thats true bill, i would love to, we sometimes but we arent a very 'huggy' family, although we are close, we dont show affection..but i do worry that if i start I wont stop!!

[Bill]

My family is exactly the same sweet Sarah but like all things in life, if we all stand still we all stay the same even though everyone could actually be thinking the same. Sometimes it needs someone to grasp the nettle, reach out, and ask or offer comfort.

Have you ever seen Home Alone where the grandfather never gets to see his grand daughter because he's fallen out with his son and for years been too afraid to reach out for fear of how he will react? Only a film I know and it doesn't always work but sometimes taking a risk can also pay big dividends for everyone involved.

Life is too short princess to not reach out for what we need. A hug can melt ice so try not to stand too long in the cold.:bighug1:

[sarahblonde32]

Aw thanks, i know i should make the move.
Made contact with a counsellor today, i think i need to unburden myself of it to someone i dont know. open the floodgates maybe!!

sarah

[Bill]

That's good Sarah.:hugs: You know, if I had a daughter, a relative, a friend, a lover etc etc etc who said they needed a hug, I'd be only too pleased to hold them for as long as they wanted. When you love and care about someone, you will do anything to comfort them when needed so I'm sure your parents would love to give you hugs. After all, you're their daughter so they will want to show they love you if you need comfort. Try not to be afraid to reach out Sarah. What have you to lose anyway? You would gain so much.:bighug1:

[Bill]

I can but try.:shrug: I'm afraid to say though all I can offer is to send you lots of love and hugs over the Netwaves in the hope it brings a little comfort to you!:bighug1::bighug1::bighug1:

[icare]

Hi Sarah

My name is Richard and I fully understand what you are feeling! not only am i experiencing mental health issues due to anxiety and sadness I'm also having to cope with having ny heart broken by an abusive ex partner.

It sounds very much like we inhabit the same desolate god forsaken place in this universe. I long to hear the voice of a kindly soul who will talk to me of interesting things of their dreams and wishes. There is no joy in my life it seems mundane and banal , it bothers me greatly that I have nobody to be grumpy with { not at ) or share my thoughts at the end of the day.

I sincerely hope that better times come banging on your door
and won't take no for an answer. If you would like to PM me please feel free I'd like to hear how you are getting on and what you cooked for tea ! Like you i'm not taking any medication and kick myself in the posterier metaphoricaly every day to survive.

Take Care Sarah Icare= Richard

[sarahblonde32]

Well ive finally made an appointment with a counsellor, mon evening, a bit scared...what im scared of is that if i start to talk, and cry, that i will never stop. but i do hope that this is the first rung of a ladder i need to climb in order to move forward, cos i really cant take much more of this.
fingers crossed..
cheers all, hope everyone having a good weeeknd, sun is shining here..!
sarah