boyfriend wants a break.. major anxiety

[misskitty]

Its a long story but basically i visited my boyfriend last friday and was to stay for the weekend which i did. He told me when i got there that he thinks we need a break if theres any chance of being together. He says that because we have been through so much he doesnt know if he loves me the same way anymore and he needs time away from me to see if he misss me or not. I stayed for the weekend knowing that this was happening the second i got home, but we acted as normal and had what would pass for a normal happy weekend. On the monday i was in his flat alone and cleaned for him, got him some food shopping in and stuff and when he came home from work he grabbed me and looked deep in my eyes and said 'i know that i love you'. I thought everything was ok again and then he says he still wants a break.

its now been two days, he wants no contact. I cant call him, text him..nothing. He says he doesnt know how long it will take.

So now my anxiety is sky high. I cant sleep, eat and constantly crying. I'm having panic attacks and shaking. He said that if he doesnt miss me he will end it and if he does muiss me then we can get back on track and i can move over to be with him and start a new life/

I just dont know how to cope with this. All i want to do is hear his voice. We spoke everyday for a year and now nothing. I sopend an entire weekend with hijm as normal, he brings me home and now nothing. He hasnt even checked if i am ok.. does this mean he doesnt care?

Sorry i'm all over the place but i feel like my head will explode.

[macc noodle]

Hey Miss Kitty

Sorry to hear you are feeling so lousy. But can I please be really really honest??

What man is worth all this anxiety if he can be so cruel as to tell you that if he misses you then you can get back on track and move in with him but if he doesn't then it is over ? How horrible can a person be?

Sorry hun, I would not have spent the weekend dancing to his tune - certainly would not have cleaned his flat & shopped for him - what a snake he seems.

I don't know how old you are Miss Kitty but I had a boyfriend like that when I was 19 and he was a control freak and a philanderer.

Sorry to be so blunt but he is not worth getting worked up over.

Have you not got some friends you can hook up with this week and have a good old moan about men with? Why not try and get something to do this week that will stop you thinking about him for a couple of hours at least?

Just one more thing too - if he comes back for you - how will you cope in the future with your anxieties about the relationship - he has done this once he can do it again and again.

Be brave - there are plenty of nice guys out there who will be good to you. :hugs:

[missykat]

i agree with mac noodle! he seems like a jackass to me. and really really selfish! dont waste ure energy or time on him, he clearly isnt for you so dont even bother. i know its hard i know but be realistic somebody who TRULY loved you would not do this to you and make u feel the way u feel now. love should not hurt, should be fun and happy etc. i mean if u still spent the weekend with him and he said all those things wen u arrived WHY would he be so sly and worm like to let things for the weekend to continue as normal? seems to me he was using u wile he cud for ure stay perhaps he knew u wud do all those things for him. dont mean to e harsh tho pet! but chin up and try and forget about it for now xxx

[ditzygirl]

Miss Kitty

How horrid, a relationship break up is a big upset for anyone, so try not to focus on your anxiety. These feelings are perfectly normal at such a time.

This situation is causing you anxiety too, maybe you will get back together maybe you won;t. I rather think you b/f is hedging his bets here and if life is okay for him without you then that is ok. There is not one concern for you or your feelings.

No-one who really loves you would keep you dangling like this.

Please don't sell yourself short just because you suffer anxiety. You are worthy of being treated with care, respect and genuine love.

And if HE decides you are getting back together is that until the next time he has doubts?

What you are feeling now is awful, but if you are strong enough, draw a line under this relationship and tell him if he wants a break it's over for good.

That way you can start recovering and building a different life your YOU!

Who knows - new hobbies, different friends might put an end to your anxiety.

You are a person who deserves honesty, respect, kindess and fun.

You are not his slave.

I hope this doesn't sound harsh, I mean it in a kind manner. And had my fair share
of broken hearts.

Whatever you decide we are here for you all the wayx

[musicaldave]

Speaking as a male, even if an old git, move on girl. You obviously have a lot to give to someone who deserves it. Don't waste yourself.
X

[suzy-sue]

Sounds like he want to do his own thing for a bit .Maybe he thinks hes missing out on something ?.Does he expect you to be there waiting for him when hes out enjoying himself and goodness knows what else ?? Dont sit at home moping about him .Get out and enjoy yourself .Hopefully you will meet someone nice :yesyes: and can then , tell him to get lost .No doubt he will be in touch sometime .Dont give him anymore of your time ,hes a rat . Sue x:hugs:

[scaredstiff695]

hi.
i have two views cos i think the way your boyfriend as acted is wrong but....
my husband also struggles with my anxiety its really hard som people jusfind it hard to deal with. i get breaks from my husband he works away so he gets space but wetalk all day and evening lol.

all im saying is i think your bf has acted in a very in sensitive way but maybe hes struggling with the severity of yur anxiety...we cant maek some one understand as much as we want to x

[Sekost]

In my eyes if he were worth his salt he would take the time to understand how you feel and empathise and accommodate those feelings you have. 5 weeks ago I had a complete breakdown in front of the girl i had ben seeing for a year. I told her beforehand that i suffered with depression so she knew i had the illness. To cut a long story short she obviously paniced and ended the relationship. Basically she ran away.
We all know its hard to be with someone who does not know what its like first hand to suffer like this but the way he is behaving in my eyes id just plain selfish.
A couple of guys on here have told me to stop thinking about others and think of yourself its the road to recovery. So my advise is to take control of this situation move on...
theres an old saying by writer Richard Bach
“If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were.”


Hope you feel better soon hun...:hugs:

[Thyme]

I have to agree with everyone else Miss Kitty, this guy is a first class rat and a very selfish so and so.

He says that if he misses you then you can make a go of it...huh no thought given to your feelings at all.

I've been dumped before now and it is an awful feeling and I do feel for you but seriously I have a bad feeling you are not going to see this joker again. I am so so sorry. But now girl you need to live your life as best you can and try not to depend on some boyfriend to make you feel validated. Make it a rule never ever to do any bloke's cleaning or shopping again unless you know for absolute sure that he would do yours.

Put aside sometime to have a pampering session and do you have any girlfriends for a girls night in/out? Then forget the ******* and if he does contact you tell him to go to the Nether Regions and burn! Easier said than done I know but trust me you will feel so much better for doing so

[PoppyC]

Hi Miss Kitty
This is just my opinion, just based on what you have written, and not hearing the other persons side of things... but...How selfish of your boyfriend. How hurtful. No wonder you feel upset. I feel upset for you and I don't even know you!
When a person tells another that they want a break, it usually means one thing, and that is they want out of the relationship, whilst they go off and have some fun, whilst keeping you dangling in the background, should they decide to come back when the fun is over.
If he truly loved you then he would not be pushing you away until he then decides to take you back. He would be treating you well, and not like he is! I am sure you know this though.
Stop being so good to him. If my boyfriend told me he wanted a break, the last thing I would be doing, is his cleaning and shopping! I would be gone.
Personally, I would not contact him in any way, and when he gets back in contact, say to him You know what, you were right, we needed a break, and I am loving being without you. Goodbye.
The break up is going to hurt, like most break ups do, but you will get through it, and when you are through it and look back, you will be able to see that it was worth going through, in order to find yourself a man who treats you as you deserve to be treated.
Find yourself a man who is a good person, who treats you well, and who will love you without playing any 'Its not You...Its me...I need a break to be sure...blah blah blah' type games. You don't need that kind of stress when you already have anxiety.
Sending you a big hug.:hugs:

[allergyphobia]

This may hurt and I am sorry to be blunt. But in my opinion I don't think he cares enough about you, no. I don't think there is any excuse for this kind of behaviour.

In my opinion, you should never have to take a break from a relationship unless there is some sort of serious thing that has happened, and you need to get some perspective. He is just taking the time out and then if it turns out he is lonely, he will come running back? Bleurgh, don't give him the chance!!

I know how hard break ups are. But from what I remember you have your own place and a very supportive family. This boyfriend has caused a lot of turbulence for you recently, and what you need is stability, not all this being left hanging by a string.

Like the others have said, you need to think about You. That is hard when you love some one and you want to make them happy. But you should realise that you are unhappy yourself - you have felt unsure about the relationship, one minute you are moving in with the guy the next he is acting like this.

Please be careful and think of yourself and your wellbeing. Sometimes things just aren't meant to be - there will be a prince charming when the moment is right :hugs: