New job / panic attacks

[Erin27]

I've suffered panic attacks, anxiety and depression almost all of my adult life and go through phases when I'm fine and phases when things are a real struggle. One of the things that makes me worse is change and new / uncertain situations. These things affect me really badly and make me feel sick, panicky, dizzy, unwell, nervous and a really awful hot flushing feeling spreads throughout my body.

I recently started a new job less than 3 weeks ago and its something which Im really interested in doing and something which will tie in with my future studies when I go back to uni in September. The team are lovely and my boss is really reasonable and supportive (although they obviously dont know anything about how Im feeling!!)

I should be really excited and happy to be working for an organisation thats really competitive to get into and I should feel priviledged to work there.... but instead I feel awful and over the weekend I had a bad panick and couldnt stop crying and got myself in a state. I fear this is starting to happen again and I dont know how to handle it.

I dont want to keep harping on about things to my friends as they have their own problems and there's nothing actually wrong. I should be feeling the opposite to the way I do. Im also really anxious about going back to study and largely feeling the pressure as Iv told all of my family and friends of my plans and everyone's behind me with it - I worry every day that Im doing the right thing and its making me ill when I think about the stress Il be putting myself under. I know I can do it and am not scared of the hard work but the panic stops me sometimes and things become so overwhelming!!!

I also have chronic fatigue and struggle to cope with working (physically) which makes the mental stress difficult to deal with. My bosses dont know about this either and Im so worried Im taking on too much.... its a fairly mild case of ME / fatigue but still poses to be a problem a lot of the time.

.... I guess itl just take some time to settle into a new situation and I know Ive come through similar situations many, many times before.... will things work out??? Can I handle all this? We've also suffered a couple of very sudden bereavements recently which could be adding to my upset.

Thanks,

Erin x

[Lola-Lee]

Hi Erin:)
Yes you will get through this,it is just a touch of anxiety,perhaps about your new job,and loss.Having CFS does not help either,go back to basics and do some relaxation exercises,this may help.Remember that this is only a setback and You will be OK.
Lola x:D

[Erin27]

Thank you for your responses. I have since cut my hours back at work and gone back to doing the original 2.5 days position which has helped a lot. They had asked me to take on a 2nd project (on my first week!) and it was all becoming too much. Doing the extra days was a problem too. I spoke to my bosses honestly about the ME and fatigue and they were so understanding and I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

Things are better although I'm still finding it very difficult to stop worrying about the job itself and if I'm doing well or not and if the project will be a success... I think this is just part n parcel of my personality though as I've always been a big worrier! I've been looking into tips and techniques for coping with work related stress and anxiety and time management so that I can hopefully feel more in control. I do enjoy what I'm doing and am learning lots. I just wonder how this worry and stress might be affecting my health and well-being in the longterm... any tips for switching off and relaxing!??

But it'll get easier in time, like you say and time to settle into the role will help.

Thanks again for your comments, much appreicated!

Erin

[Tyke]

Hi Erin

I am very similar regarding change and new jobs etc. I do find that if the signs are good initially - as they are with your job - you will find it improves as time goes on. You just have to keep reminding yourself of your goals and work through the tougher times while your adapting to the change, remembering that it will get better as you become more familiar with everything.

I find relaxation tapes or CDs helpful. If you can find one that you like (soothing voice, music etc) and listen regularly, you should find it helps you unwind. I think the best ones go through different parts of the body tensing them and then letting go so you sense the difference physically. I sometimes fall asleep listening to mine as I get so relaxed. I also find exercise a good help - a nice long walk or going for a swim. You will get there Erin

Tyke

[Erin27]

Thanks Tyke, thats really helpful and reassuring.

Funny you should mention a relaxtion CD which talks about tensing the muscles and then relaxing to notice the differences between the sansations.... I've just bought a CD that tells me how to do exactly that (and a quicker version for once I'm more practised) and have been listening to it a couple of times.

It reminds you that it does take practise to get better at relaxing so I'm not expecting it to happen straight away but am up for listening to it every day and persevering so that I do get good at it and things gradually become easier.

In terms of the job, I'm still thinking bout it on my days off and am a big worrier generally but am doing all I can to talk myself out of it and even spoke briefly to my manager (who's lovely) about making sure the project succeeds and she reassured me I'm on track which is good to know. I'm forcing myself to take this positivie feed-back on board and not slip back into my usual bad habit of ignoring the positive elements in things and finding something to worry about instead - how negative and unhealthy is that!?? Working on this big time as worrying for no reason is only going to make me feel worse and be counter-productive in the long-run.

The job itself involves a lot more that I first anticipated but its all the relevant experience I want to be gaining so I'm just going with it and making sure I look after myself in the process so that I'm rested enough and well enough to take on the challenge!!!

Thanks again for your advice, I'm sure in time it will get easier - probably just in time for me to leave and start my next challenge in September - more uni!! :-)

Thanks Tyke, hope all is calm and relaxed with you.
Erin x