No Sense of Purpose

[Rain]

I’m feeling really down today. I feel overwhelmed by my problems and feel like I can’t see a way round them.

We just went through a week without heating oil because we are struggling financially. It was very cold and miserable. Our younger dog that we got from animal rescue six months ago still has many behavioural problems. One is that he eats dangerous non food items if not constantly watched. I spend all day taking things out of his mouth. It’s really tiring having to be watchful all the time.

I have social anxiety and agoraphobia and the thing that’s getting me down most is having no purpose and no routine to my day. The time crawls by. Twice a week my partner, who works full time, plays tennis at night so on those days I am alone for 15 hours.

Since taking certain meds, giving up smoking and for other reasons I have gained a huge amount of weight to the point where it is now a serious problem and threat to my health. Every day I wake up with the intention of starting a new diet, but each day I cave in and eat the things I vowed to avoid, so my weight creeps up and is now scaring me. I do exercise but get breathless quickly now so that’s getting harder. I am worried that I am going to end up totally immobile and morbidly obese.

In the past I have done things like a year long correspondence course, running websites and a forum, and I have written a book. Right now however I am out of ideas of things to occupy me and anything that involves expense is out of the question.

I am in a rut and can’t see any way forward to change things. I have never suffered from depression thankfully and don’t feel exactly depressed now. I guess I feel miserable, worried and a bit desperate. I feel like a waste of space. I have no friends in real life, just online ones. If anything happened to my computer I’d be bereft.

I would happily go for more counselling but I’ve had all the CBT I am entitled to, plus a lot of paid for therapy. At this stage I cannot afford any more therapy.

I do have lots to be thankful for. I am lucky enough to live in a beautiful part of the countryside. I am in good physical health apart from my weight problem and I have been in a very happy relationship with my partner for thirteen years. We are about to celebrate ten years since we began living together. It’s just that things seem to have all got on top of me this week.

If it weren’t for my agoraphobia, money problems, and pets I’d send us on a good holiday, but this just isn’t possible at the moment. Has anyone any ideas for how I can buck up, or at least introduce some discipline and sense of purpose into my life? What changes could I practically make?

I get up at six every morning, go for a short walk while no one is about, shower and do house work but that doesn’t fill much of the day. I feel enormously under-stimulated. I have a lovely ‘office’ room to myself in the house and my dream would be to have something worthwhile to do there every day.

I hope this post hasn’t upset anyone who is exhausted from over-working. I realise that for some people endless leisure time would be a lovely dream. Any input, suggestions or encouragement would be gratefully received.

[Lizziesaurus]

Maybe try one thing at a time, you mention your dog, your weight problem and your money problems. I find worrying about everything at once makes everything seem a million times worse.

So, with regards to the weight, try Paul Mckenna's 'I can make you thin' book. It comes with a hypnosis CD so that could be benificial in more than one way. But the book puts a new view on a diet. It's not a diet, and teaches you how to eat slowly and make sure every mouth full counts. You can also eat whatever you want, I'm talking fry ups to chocolate cake, but you have to make sure you're hungry and stop when you're full. If you can get your hands on this book I definitely would, it was a good challenge for me yet I didn't feel like I was dieting and I relaxed about the whole thing. I am not hugely overweight, but like most people, could stand to lose a few pounds. Most importantly, it works if you stick to it.

I don't have a dog, I have a cat so I can't really give you any solid advice as to what to do as I would be taking a complete shot in the dark. Maybe to start with try and remove all dangerous stuff out of his way, granted not always possible but say small objects and harmful things just to try and stop you worrying so much. Maybe you could take some time to train him? That might be something to fill your time?

I wish I could give you some things you could do that would cure everything but I don't have many hobbies myself! But what do you have an interest in? I mean I love photography so if I had another spare room (my current one is basically a junk room!) I'd get things I could photograph, edit pictures with, print them out etc even put them online and maybe try and sell them.

I hope that might help, sorry I can't think of much else! I hope you feel better soon :hugs::hugs:

[lynn1960]

i agree with lizzie tackle one problem at a time my central heating as packed up and it will cost in the region of almost four grand to put right you are just hsaving a blip things will get better

[Lola-Lee]

Hello Rain:D
Today will get better,it will take time,1minute,1hour or 1day you will start to get back on track.Solve one thing at a time then rest for awhile.You can pamper yourself by having a nice bubble bath with candles and soft music,I do this when things are starting to get the better of me.
Love Lola-Lee:hugs:xx

[Rain]

Thanks for the replies. Lizzie I do have the book 'I Can Make You thin' and I also have one by the same author which is called something like 'Change Your Life in Seven Days. I found the CDs difficult to lsiten to because his voice comes out of each ear saying two different things at the same time! I have to admit both books are in the attic now. I will bring them down again and give them another try.

I have a huge pile of self help books. Many are about focusing on something you really want to do or achieve in life and then making it come true. My problem is finding out what that is.

When I woke up this morning, it occured to me that I yearn for a feeling that says 'I can't wait to leap out of bed and get started on my day'. I yearn for that absorbing, all encompassing feeling you get when you are involved in doing something you really enjoy.

I did once, may years ago feel that way about gardening. I had a beautiful enclosed garden and would garden from dawn until dusk and fall happily into bed at the end of the day. My garden now is open to the road on all sides, save for a dry stone wall that people can see over. I can't make myself be out there when I'm alone because of my social anxiety. The feeling of panic it induces whenever anyone goes by is too strong and sends me rushing indoors.

Anyway, I have taken on board the 'tackle one thing at a time' advice and will try to concentrate on losing weight today, which is the most urgent thing. Thanks again for the replies.

[Lizziesaurus]

I have to admit, I never really used the CD's, the stop smoking one once but it only worked for 10 mins haha!
Personally for me the best hypnosis CD I ever got was the one I got from the fear of flying course I went to a few years ago, so so relaxing, and good for any situation, not just flying to calm you down, I don't think it's something you can buy though which is a shame as I find it so so relaxing.

You say you enjoy gardening, why not invest in growing house plants and thing, you can get these little incubater type things (my mum has them!) to grow seeds up, then maybe have a window box or something if you can't face actually going outside? Or them indoor herb gardens or something? I know it's not quite the same but even I get some small pleasure in having some plants around the place.