Rain
09-03-11, 21:18
I’m feeling really down today. I feel overwhelmed by my problems and feel like I can’t see a way round them.
We just went through a week without heating oil because we are struggling financially. It was very cold and miserable. Our younger dog that we got from animal rescue six months ago still has many behavioural problems. One is that he eats dangerous non food items if not constantly watched. I spend all day taking things out of his mouth. It’s really tiring having to be watchful all the time.
I have social anxiety and agoraphobia and the thing that’s getting me down most is having no purpose and no routine to my day. The time crawls by. Twice a week my partner, who works full time, plays tennis at night so on those days I am alone for 15 hours.
Since taking certain meds, giving up smoking and for other reasons I have gained a huge amount of weight to the point where it is now a serious problem and threat to my health. Every day I wake up with the intention of starting a new diet, but each day I cave in and eat the things I vowed to avoid, so my weight creeps up and is now scaring me. I do exercise but get breathless quickly now so that’s getting harder. I am worried that I am going to end up totally immobile and morbidly obese.
In the past I have done things like a year long correspondence course, running websites and a forum, and I have written a book. Right now however I am out of ideas of things to occupy me and anything that involves expense is out of the question.
I am in a rut and can’t see any way forward to change things. I have never suffered from depression thankfully and don’t feel exactly depressed now. I guess I feel miserable, worried and a bit desperate. I feel like a waste of space. I have no friends in real life, just online ones. If anything happened to my computer I’d be bereft.
I would happily go for more counselling but I’ve had all the CBT I am entitled to, plus a lot of paid for therapy. At this stage I cannot afford any more therapy.
I do have lots to be thankful for. I am lucky enough to live in a beautiful part of the countryside. I am in good physical health apart from my weight problem and I have been in a very happy relationship with my partner for thirteen years. We are about to celebrate ten years since we began living together. It’s just that things seem to have all got on top of me this week.
If it weren’t for my agoraphobia, money problems, and pets I’d send us on a good holiday, but this just isn’t possible at the moment. Has anyone any ideas for how I can buck up, or at least introduce some discipline and sense of purpose into my life? What changes could I practically make?
I get up at six every morning, go for a short walk while no one is about, shower and do house work but that doesn’t fill much of the day. I feel enormously under-stimulated. I have a lovely ‘office’ room to myself in the house and my dream would be to have something worthwhile to do there every day.
I hope this post hasn’t upset anyone who is exhausted from over-working. I realise that for some people endless leisure time would be a lovely dream. Any input, suggestions or encouragement would be gratefully received.
We just went through a week without heating oil because we are struggling financially. It was very cold and miserable. Our younger dog that we got from animal rescue six months ago still has many behavioural problems. One is that he eats dangerous non food items if not constantly watched. I spend all day taking things out of his mouth. It’s really tiring having to be watchful all the time.
I have social anxiety and agoraphobia and the thing that’s getting me down most is having no purpose and no routine to my day. The time crawls by. Twice a week my partner, who works full time, plays tennis at night so on those days I am alone for 15 hours.
Since taking certain meds, giving up smoking and for other reasons I have gained a huge amount of weight to the point where it is now a serious problem and threat to my health. Every day I wake up with the intention of starting a new diet, but each day I cave in and eat the things I vowed to avoid, so my weight creeps up and is now scaring me. I do exercise but get breathless quickly now so that’s getting harder. I am worried that I am going to end up totally immobile and morbidly obese.
In the past I have done things like a year long correspondence course, running websites and a forum, and I have written a book. Right now however I am out of ideas of things to occupy me and anything that involves expense is out of the question.
I am in a rut and can’t see any way forward to change things. I have never suffered from depression thankfully and don’t feel exactly depressed now. I guess I feel miserable, worried and a bit desperate. I feel like a waste of space. I have no friends in real life, just online ones. If anything happened to my computer I’d be bereft.
I would happily go for more counselling but I’ve had all the CBT I am entitled to, plus a lot of paid for therapy. At this stage I cannot afford any more therapy.
I do have lots to be thankful for. I am lucky enough to live in a beautiful part of the countryside. I am in good physical health apart from my weight problem and I have been in a very happy relationship with my partner for thirteen years. We are about to celebrate ten years since we began living together. It’s just that things seem to have all got on top of me this week.
If it weren’t for my agoraphobia, money problems, and pets I’d send us on a good holiday, but this just isn’t possible at the moment. Has anyone any ideas for how I can buck up, or at least introduce some discipline and sense of purpose into my life? What changes could I practically make?
I get up at six every morning, go for a short walk while no one is about, shower and do house work but that doesn’t fill much of the day. I feel enormously under-stimulated. I have a lovely ‘office’ room to myself in the house and my dream would be to have something worthwhile to do there every day.
I hope this post hasn’t upset anyone who is exhausted from over-working. I realise that for some people endless leisure time would be a lovely dream. Any input, suggestions or encouragement would be gratefully received.