harasgenster
10-03-11, 10:24
Hi
After having a particularly bad day yesterday self-esteem-wise (and thank you to for all the people who gave me great support on here), I began wondering whether the feeling that "I have to change this, I have to make myself better" is always helpful or whether I am simply putting myself under more pressure. A psychotherapist once told me that I needed to learn to "sit with my feelings" and allow them to be instead of constantly trying to fix my negative emotions and thoughts, or telling myself to be logical. He said that emotions can be irrational and that's ok.
This seems counter-intuitive to me because I suppose I believe that the only way to get better is to be vigilant and ensure you are always challenging yourself, but then I suppose that 12 years on this attitude hasn't helped much.
What does everybody else think? Is everybody finding that reading self-help books/doing courses/making continual efforts to change themselves for the better (or rather change their perspective) is helping or could this only be helpful for some people? Do we need a balance? I am worried that if I am not constantly vigilant and constantly trying to improve I will get worse, but is this necessarily the case or am I just putting far too much pressure on myself?
My others thought was that I do not accept that anxiety is part of me or my identity. I do not consider myself to be an anxious person but simply a person who feels anxious - i.e. anxiety has happened to me but it is not part of my personality and is in fact very separate from any feelings of "who I am". I always thought this attitude was helpful but now I wonder whether this shows I am unaccepting of anxiety as an illness.
I just wanted people's thoughts on this and to see how other people's experiences have been. What sort of techniques do you use and do you ever "sit with your feelings" or allow yourself to feel bad without trying to fight it? Have you found this has been helpful?
Thanks
After having a particularly bad day yesterday self-esteem-wise (and thank you to for all the people who gave me great support on here), I began wondering whether the feeling that "I have to change this, I have to make myself better" is always helpful or whether I am simply putting myself under more pressure. A psychotherapist once told me that I needed to learn to "sit with my feelings" and allow them to be instead of constantly trying to fix my negative emotions and thoughts, or telling myself to be logical. He said that emotions can be irrational and that's ok.
This seems counter-intuitive to me because I suppose I believe that the only way to get better is to be vigilant and ensure you are always challenging yourself, but then I suppose that 12 years on this attitude hasn't helped much.
What does everybody else think? Is everybody finding that reading self-help books/doing courses/making continual efforts to change themselves for the better (or rather change their perspective) is helping or could this only be helpful for some people? Do we need a balance? I am worried that if I am not constantly vigilant and constantly trying to improve I will get worse, but is this necessarily the case or am I just putting far too much pressure on myself?
My others thought was that I do not accept that anxiety is part of me or my identity. I do not consider myself to be an anxious person but simply a person who feels anxious - i.e. anxiety has happened to me but it is not part of my personality and is in fact very separate from any feelings of "who I am". I always thought this attitude was helpful but now I wonder whether this shows I am unaccepting of anxiety as an illness.
I just wanted people's thoughts on this and to see how other people's experiences have been. What sort of techniques do you use and do you ever "sit with your feelings" or allow yourself to feel bad without trying to fight it? Have you found this has been helpful?
Thanks