FleshAndBlood
10-03-11, 12:24
Hello. My first post here. Anyway, my story is that I just can't stop thinking what other people think and it's making me 10 % of the person I can be and it also gets me to panic. Here's how it usually works. If I'm around a certain person, my brain automatically starts defending itself. Rationally I know there's nothing to defend from but what other people think feels so threatening and I know that most of the time they aren't even thinking the things I think they're thinking, even if they are thinking those things, I know it doesn't matter. Yet it's so hard to stop obsessing over it and feel threatened.
There is actually a reason for this. When I was a kid other kids teased me, ridiculed me and heck, even bullied me whenever they knew of my weaknesses. I guess it was probably traumatic because later on I would always be careful, defend myself from what other people may be thinking not to allow those things to happen again and all in all, I would always withdraw into myself, never trust people, always feel like I need to defend. it's my brain's automatic response really. It got me to the point of depersonalization, I know my brain is exhausted and overworked, I know it never stops yet I'm not really sure how to stop it, just calm down and live the reality that is now and not constantly defend myself of essentialy stuff that is irrelevant.
The problem for me now as an adult is that I feel like a screwup yet no one can know...even though I know everyone knows, I know it doesn't matter what they think but I just obsess over it. Can't do anything. Panic all the time. Feel incompetent. If I could only calm my mind down.
Hope you understand what I'm talking about. Hope you can't relate cuz it's not exactly a breeze :)
Thanks you all in advance for your advices. If you need more info, I'd be happy to provide.
There is actually a reason for this. When I was a kid other kids teased me, ridiculed me and heck, even bullied me whenever they knew of my weaknesses. I guess it was probably traumatic because later on I would always be careful, defend myself from what other people may be thinking not to allow those things to happen again and all in all, I would always withdraw into myself, never trust people, always feel like I need to defend. it's my brain's automatic response really. It got me to the point of depersonalization, I know my brain is exhausted and overworked, I know it never stops yet I'm not really sure how to stop it, just calm down and live the reality that is now and not constantly defend myself of essentialy stuff that is irrelevant.
The problem for me now as an adult is that I feel like a screwup yet no one can know...even though I know everyone knows, I know it doesn't matter what they think but I just obsess over it. Can't do anything. Panic all the time. Feel incompetent. If I could only calm my mind down.
Hope you understand what I'm talking about. Hope you can't relate cuz it's not exactly a breeze :)
Thanks you all in advance for your advices. If you need more info, I'd be happy to provide.