Horrible obsessions with existence, reality, and consciousness anybody?

[lombardian]

Ever since my anxiety, I have been having these truly horrendous obsessions. They started off with this obsession about solipsism, i.e what if everything around me is just a figment of my imagination, and I am the only conscious being. This has been accompanied by questions such as "why am i here? why am i me". To top it off I also have worries like "what if my memories never actually happened". Another good one is like, how do I know that my red is your red kind of a thing, and then I will start to obsess about weird things like "what if what I view as beautiful, like a beautiful rainforest, really looks like a spiky horrible hell to somebody else!". Another weird one is language. Like how do I know what I understand in a language is the same as what others understand. Weird I know but I can't seem to get them out of my head. I just feel like I'm not part of the real world anymore, and these obsessions are making me feel just awful. I just want to be back to normal :(

[lombardian]

has anybody had these problems before? and if so what have you found helped?

[Rhys1879SAFC]

Sounds like you could be suffering from a bit of derealisation to be honest, its really common with anxiety and nothing to worry about, although I appreciate its upsetting but you have it in you to beat this.

Its unbelievable how anxiety can affect you! Some of the symptoms truly are astonishing.

[PatonScotland]

omg i thot i was the only one! yes i have the feeling i am walking about in a trance half the time. I am pretty new to all this anxiety, and i was in a right state about these feelings, its the scariest thing i have ever felt. Although it is only anxiety it doesn't feel like it. I believe i am dead and this is all a dream sometimes, proper scary. I just try and relax but its very hard when these feelings keep happening. We will beat this, i am 100% of this. small steps at a time.

Graeme x

p.s feel free to private message me at any point.

[StarryBlueGal]

I have this too, it's called Depersonalisation or Derealisation - awful feelings. I have this almost all the time but I fight it as I know it's not me, it's anxiety causing it. I find the bit about memories never happened interesting. I think they do happen, the past is in my head, but I find it frightening that memories will die with me, no one can know what my memories was like, and the reality bit is frightening too, I have this for few mins, if I am really here, and am I living in a fake world like the Matrix films.

The Japanese earthquake made this worse because it made me think, why did it happen, is there a reason why it happened? It made me anxious this morning when I found out about the earthquake online - I was panicking a bit about it. It's awful but Mum doesn't care as it doesn't affect her in any way but it still is awful as these people died. I can't believe it today as it's a bad day for Japan.

Starry xx

[Baster9]

Thank god!!! Your post made my day! I thought I am having some other mental illness coming, here's my post, I put it in OCD coz I didn't know where to put it. http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=91648

I actually share 90% of your thoughts.
Interesting thing is that this sound really ridiculous and crazy if you are normal person (and by normal I mean anxiety free). Why do we have this thought? WTF?!?

Piece of advice - DON'T WATCH - INCEPTION or BLACK SWAN! :D

[sarah_85]

I get this too and can appreciate how horrible it is. I am obsessed with why am i here? what's the point of any of it? etc. i was never like this before, used to live a relatively carefree existance. best thing i find is to just try and distract yourself with other things. xx

[lombardian]

yah its super annoying. like all these questions with no answers, it really does your head in lol...btw sarah i was exactly the same as you before this whole thing started. totally carefree about such matters. wish i could just go back to that... :(

[dread]

I suffer from this frequently, so bad at one time i became a danger to myself as I wanted to challenge my existence...was a very scary time.

I find what helps me cope, is thinking about it this way: we only use a small part of our brains. There is a reason that we don't use the rest. I think it's because as a species, we are not intellectually evolved enough to cope with more knowledge than we already have...which is why these questions and fears bother us so much. All of these questions and fears could be answered if and when we are ready, but until that time, we arent supposed to be able to answer them...so there's no need to worry about these things.

Might sound a bit wierd, I think about these things a lot and this is the way I see it.....others may have different ways of dealing with it!

[nutteetart]

I qute like Dreads theory. I believe that is how many religions started, because we have a need for bigger answers than we have questions for. My one is that although i am not suicidal, i do sometimes think that if i died it would be a blessing, however, what if the panic follows me to an afterlife!??? We all appear to be suffering from vivid imaginations which are borne out of this horrible feeling.

Its quite interesting to hear others obsessions. Hang in there everyone x

[Chriswebster]

Hey everyone. Never been brave enough to verbalise these kind of thoughts through fear of being locked away! But yes I've suffered from this for many years on and off and whilst I'm not really sure how I cope when it happens I guess I just push it out of my mind somehow. Never solved it tho so its a constant background threat. Will be watching this post with great interest for tips and help!
This sort of anxiety usually happens when I'm up and having a generally good time so its double weird.
Great to be amongst friends here.
Bless you all
Chris

[StarryBlueGal]

Chris - yes it always is there at the back of your mind. It's a bit scary but when I am alone, it is worse. I don't think about it when I am with other people but if i am bored, I always think about it. I suppose it's a dangerous thought, I tell myself that it's dangerous thoughts I am thinking and push it off my mind, keep myself busy. I think we are not ready to find out the truth - if the truth is found out - the world will end.

Starry xx

[Baster9]

@dread you've challenge your existence how? What do you mean exactly? Have you tried something to hurt yourself physical or you were just scared that you might challenge your existence?

[StarryBlueGal]

Don't watch conspiracy theory videos on Youtube if you are questioning reality etc, as I saw some videos few weeks ago due to boredom and it freaked me out. It brought back my panic attacks and now I am obsessing over reality, aliens etc!!! I had a good year before this happened - I managed to keep away my anxiety due to the Olympics and Paralympics being on this summer and enjoying it all.... but now my anxiety is back as I don't know what I am going to do next year!

Starry xx