feeling so depressed, crying, sick of life

[miss_moose]

I don't think i've ever posted in the depression section of this forum because ive not actualy known if i'm depressed or not, i go through stages.
Recently though i've just felt so down, and crying alot. It seems to be linked to boredem alot of the time, i'm agoraphobic and have social phobia so i dont get out very much or hav many friends to socialise with (i only have 1 who i see at christmas and birthdays and i'm too frightend to see her because i get so sick with panic).
All i do is watch tv and go on the computer, its so boring but if i dont do that then i'm just sat in silence doing nothing, Like now. (infact i'm partly only writing this to give me something to do!)

My partner is the only real friend and company i have, when he's at work (he works 2pm - 10pm) i'm just sat all day alone, no one ever rings or texts, and even when he's home he likes to go on the computer and do his own thing so again i'm just sat by my self in silence.
I love him to bit but It would be nice to have some other company.

I'm on Facebook which for someone like me is not the best idea. Seeing all my old class mates with they wedding photos, and baby scans and children, and their photos with their friends, it just depressed me so much and I get upset whenever someone announces they are getting married or having a a baby, which seems to be all the time.
I feel like i'm in a race, and everyone else is about 10 years ahead of me, and i'm the saddo who'd never had a job, has no chance of getting married anytime soon (ive been engaged for 2 years but havent been able to get married because of my agoraphobi and social phobia).

I've been agoraphobic for 10 years, the "anniverasary" of when this all started is coming up in September, I just hate my existance, i feel ill all the time physically and mentally, i have no life and I feel so depressed and like i just dont want to be here anymore, ive had enough.

(Sorry for ranting, i had no idea my post would be this long)

Thank you for reading xx

[Katie6]

I totally understand how you are feeling, but for different reasons, for just over two years, i have been really poorly i have m.e and have spent the this time virtually constantly bedridden, i have always been an anxious type of person, but i was still able to push myself to do stuff until i get ill with m.e. i am not able to go anywhere and do anything this isn't because of agraphobia, but i do worry that as time goes on i will develop it too. i lay in my room all day with the only thing to keep me occupied is tv or internet, and there is only so much of that i can take, it makes me very tired too. i have a husband and two children and i hate to missout on stuff and i hate for them to miss out too, it always seems like i am stopping them, as i am to ill to be left. my husband doesn't work, he had to give up to become my full time carer but he tends to do his own thing at home while the boys are at school. i know my reasons are different from yours but i do totally understand everything you have just written so if you fancy a chat, msg me x

[PoppyC]

Hi Miss-Moose
I am in a similar situation with agoraphobia, so I can understand to a point, how you must feel.:hugs:
I think there comes a time when boredom and not doing anything becomes just too much, that we then have to decide to start to begin to change things for the better.
Try to aim to do one positive thing a day that will make you feel a little happier, no matter how small.
Staying at home constantly is enough to make anyone depressed, even if they didn't have depression before.
Do you have any counselling?
Have you any interests that could keep you occupied? Do you read? Could you do some studying? or get out to an exercise class? what about voluntary work?
Can you get out with your partner, in the hours when he is not working? Even if it is just a short walk?
I work from home, and that helps. My partner works away mostly, so I am totally on my own for long stretches, - up to a month at times - and I can understand how you probably feel. I am often crying and down, and all the rest, when I have been on my own for too long, but I have to find ways to keep me occupied, because what else is there, other than sit staring at the walls, and getting more and more depressed. That doesn't solve anything.
I struggle with agoraphobia, but force myself to get out with my dog.
Keep posting - at least we have the internet to keep in touch!
Sending you hugs and hope you can soon start to feel a little more positive.:hugs:

[ditzygirl]

It is horrid being home alone and depressing isn't it.

There is some great advise on here and of course you have us to share things with.

I wouldn't pay too much attention to Facebook, whilst it is a great tool for keeping in touch, its also a great tool for causing trouble. In my world Handle Facebook with care and don't take it too seriously. Other peoples lives aren't always what they seem.

Learning new hobbies as the others have said will keep you occupied. How about doing some voluntary work ?

Picking yourself up is hard, believe me I know but you can do it.

Good luck and you know we are always here to share things withx

[scaredstiff695]

hi hunni xx

i no how you feel that bordeom makes you worse cos it does to me too.
if i dont stay occupied then my thoughts have time to run wild and think what ever they like x

what about trying to plan your wedding and seeing if the motivation of it set a date etc might give you something to do and tke your mind off things and also slowly get you out the house

[miss_moose]

Thank you all so much for taking time to read my posts and reply with such kindness and great advice, I have found it very comforting and reassuring.
Last night when I thought things couldnt get any worse, my friend rang (The one who I only see at birthdays and christmas), to tell me she was getting married.
I told her how happy i was for her (while selfshly trying not to cry because i'm envious, bad i know), it was just with her saying how she thinks long engagements are pointless and want to marry this year and she's been looking around the venue that i had my heart set on. We talked about her wedding day, then I felt i had to tell her that there would be no way i could make it to the wedding, over the past 10 years i've missed 3 weddings (one being my mum and step dads), and 2 funerals.
Even when she comes to see me it was to be pre arranged with my partner in secret because if i know in advance i get too sick with panic, so how she thinks i'd be able to manage a wedding is beyond me. I apologised so much but never once said "It's ok" or "dont worry", she just said that since we were kids we'd always promised we'd be at eachothers weddings... she just wouldnt accept my appoligies, just said she'll cross me off her guest list.
As soon as i hung up the phone i burst into tears and cried to Daniel (my fiance) that i feel like the worst person in the world.
I've hardly slept for worrying, but on a lighter note, i have had a much better day.
Daniel encouraged me to try a walk on my own and that i hadnt to worry because he would pick me up in the car when i'd got as far as i could, which was about 10 - 15 minutes away, the furthest i've ever walked alone:D
And after that he took me to Asda, we always have a pact that i will try my best and i can have the car keys and un back to the car when ever i panic. But I didnt need to use them today, i did a mini shop with him, and stayed in there longer as i got distacted by the cakes!
Then i did the automated tills too and we walked back to the car together, i didnt even panic:yesyes:


I totally understand how you are feeling, but for different reasons, for just over two years, i have been really poorly i have m.e and have spent the this time virtually constantly bedridden, i have always been an anxious type of person, but i was still able to push myself to do stuff until i get ill with m.e. i am not able to go anywhere and do anything this isn't because of agraphobia, but i do worry that as time goes on i will develop it too. i lay in my room all day with the only thing to keep me occupied is tv or internet,Your post struck a chord with me Katie, and i'm so sorry you are having to live this way too. I have come a long way since my "dark days", from 2001 - 2005 I lived in my bed, my mum thought i had M.E because I was just so ill, and I lost almost 2 stone in as many months, i got painful thin, would hardly eat, and if i dare leave the bedroom, even to get a bath, id had awful panic.
I longed for a laptop, but instead had to make do with the tv and old magazines that i would just have to read over and over. I have no idea how i survived, towards the end of 2004 i was so suisidal, but then I met Daniel in person (we'd met on the internet and just chatted on msn & Texted eachother as friends), but he changed my life around.
So i can go out now, just with him, we go for walks or he take me to retail parks so i can get used to going in shops again, and i can go to Hobbycraft to get some bits to make cards as i enjoy that. We try to go out for a few hours 3 or 4 days a week.
He has 2 weeks off work now, starting today, and he's taking me to the seaside next week for my birthday so i can walk on the beach:)

Sorry again for the long post, and thank you all again so much xxx

[joolz07]

It's so nice to read how much happier you sound in this post to your first one! Those improvements you have made are great and you should be very proud of yourself.
You're partner sounds like a lovely caring person .... you have no need to be jealous of you're facebook friends and their 'happy' lives. no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. You have a genuinely nice partner that obviously cares very deeply for you. I am sure that other things you want will follow. One day at a time :)
Have a lovely Birthday
Take Care
Julie xx

[easylife]

hay miss_moose,easylife here read your post if you ever just want to chat i'm on facebook whether you want to chat about how you feeling or just general stuff.i usually find it helps when feeling down!sean brady is my name

[honeyp1e]

I don't think i've ever posted in the depression section of this forum because ive not actualy known if i'm depressed or not, i go through stages.
Recently though i've just felt so down, and crying alot. It seems to be linked to boredem alot of the time, i'm agoraphobic and have social phobia so i dont get out very much or hav many friends to socialise with (i only have 1 who i see at christmas and birthdays and i'm too frightend to see her because i get so sick with panic).
All i do is watch tv and go on the computer, its so boring but if i dont do that then i'm just sat in silence doing nothing, Like now. (infact i'm partly only writing this to give me something to do!)

My partner is the only real friend and company i have, when he's at work (he works 2pm - 10pm) i'm just sat all day alone, no one ever rings or texts, and even when he's home he likes to go on the computer and do his own thing so again i'm just sat by my self in silence.
I love him to bit but It would be nice to have some other company.

I'm on Facebook which for someone like me is not the best idea. Seeing all my old class mates with they wedding photos, and baby scans and children, and their photos with their friends, it just depressed me so much and I get upset whenever someone announces they are getting married or having a a baby, which seems to be all the time.
I feel like i'm in a race, and everyone else is about 10 years ahead of me, and i'm the saddo who'd never had a job, has no chance of getting married anytime soon (ive been engaged for 2 years but havent been able to get married because of my agoraphobi and social phobia).

I've been agoraphobic for 10 years, the "anniverasary" of when this all started is coming up in September, I just hate my existance, i feel ill all the time physically and mentally, i have no life and I feel so depressed and like i just dont want to be here anymore, ive had enough.

(Sorry for ranting, i had no idea my post would be this long)

Thank you for reading xx


I totally no how your feeling as am the same am stuck in doors 24/7 dont hear or see from any1 not even my sisters there to busy going out or visiting each other etc... never call at mine am so bored & i get more n more depressed i hat ethis way of living and just don't wanna carry on like this anymore i just hate waking up ever knowing what the day ahead is going to bring me i guess we just have to get by some how but right now ive found myself stuck in a rut which i cant get out of :(

[miss_moose]

Having another really down day again, i've been so anixoius and had loads of panic attacks today and just feel so drained. Daniels being supportive and giving me lots of cuddles but is struggling to "make me happy" as he puts it, because i don't know why i'm so upset and sad.
It's my birthday on Monday, so tomorrow I have my grandma and brother round for tea (Painted on smiles at the ready!), then on Sunday me and Daniel are going to a hotel and Monday were going to Cleethorpes, so i'm hoping a change or scenery and sea air will do me good.

[LucyR]

Having another really down day again, i've been so anixoius and had loads of panic attacks today and just feel so drained. Daniels being supportive and giving me lots of cuddles but is struggling to "make me happy" as he puts it, because i don't know why i'm so upset and sad.
It's my birthday on Monday, so tomorrow I have my grandma and brother round for tea (Painted on smiles at the ready!), then on Sunday me and Daniel are going to a hotel and Monday were going to Cleethorpes, so i'm hoping a change or scenery and sea air will do me good.

So you see, life isn't that bad really is it?

[suzy-sue]

Hi miss moose .Sounds like you could do with a change of scenery .It might be the thing you need to pick you up . always works for me ..Have a lovely birthday and I hope you come back feeling a lot better .Luv Sue x:birthday: