i just wish i can die sometimes

[flamarella]

i hate my life. all this worry it never goes away. i have diagnosed myself with pretty much anything you can think of. but by far HIV is the worst i got tested when i was pregnant and it was negative. my son is 6 and he is so healthy never gets sick my husband has donated blood several times but somehow i think that i got it from an ex and i start crying and panicking. it all started when i googled white tongue and it had been down hill since then. i have never had a pink tongue if i brush it it goes away it comes back eventually. i have friends that also have this but i think i must have it. i cant bring myself to get tested again. i don't know what i would do if i do have it i think i will just die of depression. no-one understands me. i see the word HIV everywhere and i start thinking its a detente sign. Please help me with some thoughtful words. i know that the only people who can understand and except me are the people in this forum. i turn on the news and all u see is sick this sick that. IM SO TIRED OF THIS. I JUST WANT TO GO TO SLEEP AND NEVER WAKE UP :weep::weep::weep::weep:

[Pan9]

No you don't. You have a little boy who I'm sure you love dearly and a husband. The thing is, when you are afraid, you see your fear everywhere, when before you wouldn't have even noticed these things! I know exactly how you feel- every magazine I pick up seems to feed my fear...I'm giving magazines a wide berth at the moment, as well as google (or I'm trying to).
You had a test and i was clear- I'm presuming that you haven't put yourself at any risk since? It is virtually impossible for you to have it. If the fear is so bad, my advice is to try and face it. Yes, it will be horrible having the test and waiting for the results, but then you can put your mind at rest and move on. Big hugs, I'm sure you're fine xxx:hugs:

[Pan9]

Lol. As if to prove my point (my fear is MS), I have just flicked House on, on channel 5 and they were talking about a patient who may have MS!! Literally as I turned it on!! If we were to believe in signs then I definately have it!!! xx

[flamarella]

i know its silly but its just a huge fear of mine. i started watched a documentary on this crazy church here in the us called the westboro baptist church and all they spoke about was aids and all this crap and it freaked me out. i never google symptoms anymore because its always something BAD. it never says oh but it can also be this its always something bad

[Pan9]

But you were tested hun and it was clear...you have nothing to worry about. Do you think you could face another test to put your mind at rest? xx

[Miss Kitty]

Westboro Baptist Church is EVIL. Please don't give any credence to the shit that comes out of these wicked people's mouths. xxx

[flamarella]

its just such a horrid feeling. how many people know they have aids not many the symptoms are not hardcore like cancer. and many of the symptoms are things that happen to people without having it. i never get sick or fevers neither does my son. i have been with my husband 7 years. i dont know what to think anymore