View Full Version : Falling apart.
Im really falling apart..i know something is wrong and im convinced its "you know what"..my biggest fear is happening,im going to die and leave my 2 children,i can hardly look at them today as i know they will be motherless.I need to see my doctor but im too scared but my back pain is getting worse,my legs are sore and knees sore and ive shooting pains down my legs,mainly the right leg today,my back seems to stiffen up and its so sore..my Full Blood Count was normal in Nov but thats 4 months ago now so that does not reassure me now...my gp will do a blood test no doubt then it will be all abnormal then they will do further tests and find out its too late.
Oh sweetheart, take a deep breath and try to calm down.
I've been where you are so many times and so I know how convinced you are that you have the unimaginable. I've just spent the last 5 months so convinced I have lung cancer, I had loads of symptoms (coughing up blood, shortness of breath, extreme fatigue, pain in left shoulder, repeated infections) but I saw a Chest Specialist yesterday and guess what, I've not got it at all. I'm having further tests to see where the blood is coming from but hey, I don't mind where it's coming from as long as it's not lung cancer!!!
What I'm trying to say is that no matter how convinced you are and how many symptoms you have, it doesn't always mean you have 'you know what'.
I hope that might help just a little bit, and you know you can always PM me if you need to chat.
K xxx
I dont care what ive got either as long as im not dying,i think sometimes have i damaged my back/discs with all the kneeling i do or is it "IT"...im a shaking mess,my mirtazapine is doing nothing at all...will have to wait till monday and try and see a doctor..crikey the thought of it makes my stomach churn.I can sometimes feel something in my upper back rib area like a tight feeling or is it "it"....i dont mean feel it with my hand i mean a sensation...oh hek please dont let me die and leave my 2 wee darlings..x
You are not going to die chick!!!
How much more likely is it that you have something wrong with your back than having 'it'. There are millions of people who suffer with back problems, try to keep that in mind.
Make sure you make that appointment with your GP, you really need to get some reassurance and help.
K xx
Greenman50
18-03-11, 19:49
Sandy that tight lump feeling in your back can be caused by anxiety , check my posts ....i have the lump in my back feeling that comes and goes and is worse when i eat / think about it . Mine ties in with the globus feeling in my throat .
I also had neck , chest , arm pain , under arm pain ...all chronic late last year and i thought i wouldn,t see xmas .
It must have been Anxiety as its gone apart from the above symtoms .
When i,m pissed the feeling nearly goes .
I think you are in such a high state of anxiety that is causeing the issues to be heighten and cause all the pain.
Go see the Dr and ask for another FBC and i,m sure it will come back ok , then you can focus on the anxiety .
HI
I really feel for you. You sound like you are suffering with a nasty bout of anxiety, with a health slant. I can virtually guarantee that you are not dying or have anyting nasty, it is a common thing for us anxious folk to think this,we often get lots of pains ,because we are SOOOOOO tense. A lump in the throat is a classic anxiety thing
I have a long history of anxiety (20years) and have had loads of different types of treatment, for me managment is the key, when i'm in the throws of heightened anxiety i get myself some treatment, It did take me a long time to get my head around the 'why me' thing, and the 'i don't have a problem', i still do when i'm not right, but the majority of the time, when i am ok, i never think about it and never have health anxieties
I guess that if you are on this site you aknowledge that you are suffering with anxiety, that is the first and biggest step to recovery Keep seeing your GP and talk about your anxiety and get the right treatment, medication in some cases but in addition you may find CBT/psychotherapy useful, and even might come accross what started this in the first place. what also really helped me and still does is relaxtion tapes/CD's (cheap and effective). What i did not find helpful was 'cures' that promised the world i.e changes in diet , eating certain foods and a multitude of 'lifestyle' books and advice lots of these claims tap into people's vulnerability and sadly make a LOT of money of us beacuse we are desparate.
Remeber you are not alone, we are all fellow travellers, and instead of worrying your head off looking at the web reinforcing you worst fears, ( i used to do this a LOT) post here instead.
Good luck and you WILL be OK
Kath
jaynemarie
19-03-11, 21:25
Sandy you know i am exactly the same as you. I seen the psychiatrist last week he was pretty good actually. He has taken me off the mitz no good for us health anxiety and has put me on setraline. I am still like you getting tight chest, and tight throat and feeling doomed but i am hoping these meds will work. Please go to your doctor get the reassurance that you need and see about coming off the mitz and trying a new one. You have suffered enough girl xxx
Ive had enough,i know im going to die,i know they will find out its too late for me..it will be everywhere,i cant stand it.
Sandy, I know it is hard, but try and step back, take a deep breath and think logically. You have had so many tests looking for 'it' and they have all been negative. You are fine xxx
Pan9,they have never scanned my back..im convinced ive got it,if i see my gp them bloods/tests will begin again and i cant face it. x
I know. But I think you're just going to keep going until you have had everything checked and then you will go back to the beginning and start again. This is taking over your life. I think you have to try and accept that what you have is a bad back and HA. You do not have 'it'. Thousands upon thousands of people suffer from back pain....'it' is probably the unlikeliest cause xxx
Its aching and feels brick hard..is that cancer?my legs ache too and my knees are sore and crunch when i walk up the stairs,you can hear them..im terrified x
Greenman50
20-03-11, 09:07
Sandy your knees crunching ist "it" , its something else . I wasn,t going to say this ...but i knew a guy in his late seventies who had it in his back , he was gone in 4 weeks from the first pain/diagnosis , it was just pain in his back and he went down hill very fast .
What i am trying to say is that you would be very ill by now as you have had the pain for so long its just back problems .
I hope i havn,t worried you more here , but reasured you , yes you have problems with your back , but thats just it , back problems plus HA .
oh god..my backs really sore today and my legs/knees...i cant go tomorrow to my gp as then i'll know,he'll do bloods then that will be it..Nov 9th was when my bloods were last done thats over 4 months ago ..
No it isn't. I also suffer with a bad back and pain in right leg- have been to the docs- the big 'C' was not even considered. My knees also click terribly, especially when I bend down, they always have. Its nothing to worry about- promisk!! :)
Greenman50
20-03-11, 09:58
oh god..my backs really sore today and my legs/knees...i cant go tomorrow to my gp as then i'll know,he'll do bloods then that will be it..Nov 9th was when my bloods were last done thats over 4 months ago ..
Thats my point sandy hun , lets say on April 9 th its 5 months ago , so to be Blunt you would have severe weight lose and feel sick etc etc by now
Thats what my dr told me and i had my bloods done in november as you know .
I still panick about food feeling stuck but i,m learning to trust the Doctor .
The more i worry , the worse i feel .
hope you can relax a bit more today . I,m off out to keep busy the globus is comeing back in my throat again today :weep:
:hugs:
x
but my meds make me gain weight so i wouldnt lose weight cos my Mirtazapine cause wieght gain.my neck feels like its closing in,so im thinking my glands are up and that can mean cancer..it has took over my life,i need to see my gp but if hes wants bloods i'll freak out..
Ive forgotten what its like to feel normal,all i know now is pain and being scared,did i have pain before and just got on with life or not,i honestly dont know...ive spent today,thinking soon i wont be here and its just too much..my back is sore now everywhere and ive shooting random pain..to me thats cancer spreading,i cannot bare it anymore.
I promise you Sandy, it isn't cancer spreading. The most likely explantion is that you are extrememly tense and focussing on the pain which is making it much, much worse. How about you go in a nice hot bath, take a couple of painkillers and try and let your muscles relax. I'm sure you'll feel much better- you have to try and let this go. xxx
hello Sandy :)
now listen to me ok ? and rewind my message to you :hugs:
I am ex cancer nurse .........and you have had a lot of answers here that tell of same symptoms . I DONT doubt for a minute how painful your pain is Sandy.
but going to be a bit firm here :hugs:
my love ...............your forum friends here have told you and I will too . if you had cancer Sandy ........you got to believe me you would know as would your doctors .
I am not going to say it is just anxiety .no no ....strain and tensing up .sleeping on wrong pillows ...kneeling like you did ...........puts a lot of strain on your back and neck ............our spine is very sensitive xx
I have pins and needles in all my limbs sometimes and heavy sore legs.
and in my non anxiety head I know that people of my age and ladies have this a lot .it is not you are dying ...please believe me xx
SANDY .............no more feeding this awful feeling ok? go to your doctor of course ........he /she will know your dread of blood tests etc .......but I would not write here if I for a moment thought you were dying .
it is the illness speaking .......tell it to go to hell .
a hug x
Snowgoose,do you think my gp will redo my bloods? i cant face anymore tests i really cant..i have a hot bath every night and it relaxes me for an hour if that...like ive said ive had enough,and the pain of looking at my childrens little faces..what do i do? what the hell do i do?? my meds are doing nothing,i feel numb after taken preagablin..i worry is it the med or is it my glands swolllenup due to cancer..my shrink thinks im doing great?? but then im a right,is history reapeating itself,like i was right about my son...Snowgoose if it was present would my bloods that were taken in Nov not be "perfect"..my gps words not mine..x
hello Sandy:hugs::hugs::hugs:
blood samples tell a lot about all our bodies ......physical disease ...and docs always ask for them to screen other reasons before exploring the more psychological aspects . dont be afraid if your doc does this .
they have to hun ............dont be afraid ............it doesnt mean they are thinking oh heck this lady has cancer . NO NO .. it is part of finding why you feel as you do . no worry Sandy promise x
You have been through hell with your boy ....and it has shaken your world apart .........you are braver than you think you are . but it has left you vulnerable ..............not one person here would not be with you :flowers:
this is stress ........and tense muscles ........if you have tense body and mind our whole body and mind react with anger .
tonight please let it go if you can and have hot bath ...tell your mind you will look have another think tomorrow .
but tonight? be calm ............and rest
xxxx
sorry Sandy ............just rereading your post cos I am concerned .
my bloods are never perfect .........doubt anyones are sometimes . it does not mean if doc asks for blood samples they are suspicious :shrug:
it is is something they do to eliminate other things like anaemia and low thyroid etc .
dont be afraid ..........docs do this to us . xc
Greenman50
20-03-11, 19:41
Sandy i agree totally with snowgoose . My Dr said the same about my blood tests, if anything was wrong my bloods wouldn,t be perfect .
I still have the symtoms and i expect she will re do mine soon and i hate the wait its awefull .
Sending you a big :bighug1:
x
Snowgoose,your words are so beautiful,they always are.Im scared,very scared,never thought id feel tihs scared again after what i came through with my son but here i am 41 in May and terrified to go and see my GP..he did say they were doing on more tests but if i wanted my bloods redone id to go back in March,well March is here..he showed me my Nov results and said "Look..perfect..you cant better bloods than that but whats the point,you dont believe them anyway" he hates me i know he does and yes Mel2 its the waiting for the results..i took my bed the last time and cried all day..whats happened to me?? as i sit here typing..although im sitting on a chair not on my knees my back is "hard" and sore..the pain moves is that a good sign..like i keep saying whats happened to me?
oh SANDY :hugs:
I wish you were next door and I could hug you ,comfort you and get into your mind and say my love ................you dont have cancer!!!!!
lets make a cup of good old scottish tea and a shortbread ....and sit down e?
SANDY ...........listen to us .............we know how you feel because we are on this forum. xx
The feelings you have are real in the sense that your body is so tight and tensed ......your muscles are screaming cos they are sooooooooo tight .
I have back pain and leg pain every day too. no lie xx
now then you go to your doc and dont be afraid about any tests he wants to give you . It is what docs do .they have to love ..........doesnt mean anything bad .
you will be ok ........you are NOT going to die . time Sandy .you will get well again ............:hugs:
Come on
You DONT have the big C< why on earth would you. You have severe anxiety. You need to focus on that because that is what is making you think you have the big C.
I read in one of your later posts that you were taking mirtazipine. I have tried that , it did absolutly nothing for my anxiety. There are some SSRI's that are better for anxiety and some better for depression, the ones that come to mind for anxiety are paroxitine and citalopram.
Please please get yourself seen to . I cannot stress this enough Getting sorted for me all that time ago gave me my life back, yes, I still get some anxiety occasionally but nothing like the mind blowing irrational anxiety I once suffered with before.
You sound to me like you are just existing at the moment in the torment of an irrational anxiety state, you must start living again. You will hopefully look back in a few months/years and wonder why on earth you didn't get treatment sooner. The sooner you get reated the sooner you will be living again.
Kath
Sandy
I have just read one of your later post, forgive me for asking and don't say of you prefer not to , but what happened with your son.
Is that when this health anxiety started?
Kath
constantworrier418
20-03-11, 21:31
Hi Sandy
I've been where you are recently and I also have two children and when my HA was at it's worst I would look at them and have to fight back the tears as I too was adamant I would get cancer and die leaving them motherless. Although I'm still awaiting counselling I started venaflaxin for the anxiety and it is really helping - I still have the odd worry but nothing to what was happening a few months back.
I had back problems in 2004 and I went for physio through the NHS - is this something you could try? I agree with the others that it sounds like stress and I also find that the more I focus on an area the more I experience a sympton so maybe the worry is making your back worse as well?
I really feel for you - wouldn't life be great if cancer didn't exist but then I'm sure some other disease would worry us. Please try and see if you can change your meds as it really could make a difference - thinking of you xxx feel free to pm xxx
Greenman50
20-03-11, 21:55
Sandy imho the pain moveing is a good sign , not that you need a good sign .
I,m sure you have read my old posts about neck pain , pains down my arms and burning skin etc , it was anxiety , i would never ever have believed this if i had not found this site . I was worried sick and never slept for months , only a few hours on the couch . I thought i was dieing .
My food feeling stuck moves about , sometimes in my back , sometimes in my chest or throat . The fact it isn,t in the same place the DR says its anxiety .
To be honest its the citralapram (i think) that has really helped me , i have my off days but i,m getting there . Go see the Dr to put your mind at rest , the wait for results isn,t nice but there is a life beyond all this but people who have never gone through it don,t understand how hard it is to change and get better (not meaning peeps on here)
My wife can go for bloods / scans and not worry at all ?? Wish i was like that . Her mum was ill and i WORRIED, couldn,t sleep but she was fine and said its not worth worrying about something you have no control of and shes right , her mum was fine and came out of hospital ok .
At least you would know you are fine when the bloods come back fine but would you then believe the DR do you think ?
I know i have to go,today,my pain is upper left side and going down my left leg,infact my left leg seems tingly..so im mega freaking out...my meds are doing nothing at all and i wake up feeling sick everyday,im hoping its the Mirtazipine,as its to be taken at bedtime,no appts left at my gps today..by 5 past 8 they were gone..will try tomorrow..my feet are cold so thats just adding to my worry..x
Hey Sandy,
How you doing???
I've not been able to keep up since Saturday because my daughter has been in hospital. We're home now so just having a catch up.
How have you been?
K xx
Hi Kah,hope your daughter is ok.xx.Im not good,my pain has moved into my legs,more left leg,it feels tingly and my foot is cold,so im totally convinced now..i couldnt see a dr today all ther appts were gone,so will try again in the morning..ive not been kneeling since Friday im sitting upright with my laptop on my dining table but like i said my legs arent right..what the hell is wrong? anything but "it" x
Hey Sandy,
Think daughters ok, got to go back to hospital for more tests on Weds, certainly put things into perspective for me!
It sounds to me like you may have a trapped nerve, it would certainly explain all the pain and the tingly feelings. Don't put off going to the doctors, it will just put your mind at rest. I think once you are in such a heightened state of anxiety, you notice every little ache or pain which then turns into a huge deal and so the anxiety escalates, you're trapped in a vicious cycle hun which you need help getting out of.
PLEASE make that GP appt, take your hubby along for support too.
K xx
jaynemarie
21-03-11, 14:37
Hi Sandy how are you doing i am on my fourth day on Sertraline, i feel better for being off the mitz. My health anxiety still the same but i am gonna give it a bloody good go this time. Have you been to the doctor about changing your meds ? I am exactly like you hun. Let us know how are you doing.x
Hi,i feel the same,sore and terrified,i see my psychiatrist on wednesday so im going to tell her how bad i feel,but to be honest its my pains thats freaking me out,im going to try in the morning again for a appt with my GP,but then i'll lose it when it comes to bloods and any tests he may want done,cannot believe whats happened to me,i really cant,the Mirt is doing nothing at all,im not even getting a good sleep now,i wake up and i focus on every pain and think thats it,im done with..i hope you feel better soon with the new med,wonder why they give Mirtazipine if its no good for H/A x
Hi,i feel the same,sore and terrified,i see my psychiatrist on wednesday so im going to tell her how bad i feel,but to be honest its my pains thats freaking me out,im going to try in the morning again for a appt with my GP,but then i'll lose it when it comes to bloods and any tests he may want done,cannot believe whats happened to me,i really cant,the Mirt is doing nothing at all,im not even getting a good sleep now,i wake up and i focus on every pain and think thats it,im done with..i hope you feel better soon with the new med,wonder why they give Mirtazipine if its no good for H/A x
Think I've said before that the Mirtazapine has done nothing for my HA either, if it didn't give me such a good appetite I would have asked to be changed ages ago, but I really need to put on weight so am sticking with it for now.
xx
Im getting worse,pains are really bad,my hubby walked through the door and i crumbled,cannot hold it together,my neck feels swollen and my upper back left rib is so sore...im thinking the most awful thoughts that might be ahead of me and its really to much..x
Im getting worse,pains are really bad,my hubby walked through the door and i crumbled,cannot hold it together,my neck feels swollen and my upper back left rib is so sore...im thinking the most awful thoughts that might be ahead of me and its really to much..x
Oh hun, you really need to get some help. Get those meds changed, that might make a big difference then get your GP to check you over. He may not even suggest blood tests but even if he did they'd be fine. You can't go on like this.
K xx
When i was about 7 years old,i was dx with "a touch of rheumatism" in my knees,i got referred to paediatrians,i can remember it vaguely,i also have dislocated my right patella twice..many years ago mind about 20,maybe this is causing some of my pains??? im really cracking up..
When i was about 7 years old,i was dx with "a touch of rheumatism" in my knees,i got referred to paediatrians,i can remember it vaguely,i also have dislocated my right patella twice..many years ago mind about 20,maybe this is causing some of my pains??? im really cracking up..
See - there's a lot more logical reasons for the pain than it being 'you know what'. Keep telling yourself that and perhaps the anxiety might ease a little. I don't think it'll go completely until you get checked out - so book that appt!!!
jaynemarie
23-03-11, 08:01
Sandy i am sure your husband just wants you to get well and is happy to support you. At the mo my kids are living with family cause i have let this health anxiety take such a control. I have been put on setroline which seems to have quite good results for health anxiety. I like you are convinced i am on my way out, infact off to the doctor this morning cause i cant stand this tight chest and back anymore. I just want you to know that reading your posts, is like reading something i could have wrote myself. get your meds changed girl . take care Jayne x
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