Am I changing?

[ellymerryweather]

I have been on Cipralex for three weeks now. I'm feeling better ... but I'm also feeling different ... anyone feeling the same?

Taking medication ... seeing a psychiatrist, it's helping, but I'm also changing. I don't really know how to explain, but I'm much more relaxed and easy going now that the meds have kicked in (took a while, too), but it seems unreal, even fake. I know that if I stop taking them, I'll be suicidal again. I'm still depressed, but my depression is hidden beneath the glaze of medicated ok-ness. It seems wrong, somehow.

Besides, the meds only helped a little with the mood swings. At times, I'm extatic (which I really don't mind), but then I always fall, change in a second, and feel depressed. Usually early mornings or late at night.

And I'm afraid that the medication will change who I am. I don't want to change. I just want to stop the pain ...

My name's Elly. I'm kinda lost.

[nomorepanic]

Hi ellymerryweather

A huge warm welcome to nmp.

You'll get loads of advice and support here and make some lovely friends along the way.

Best wishes

[Leviathan]

I know exactly how you felt. I was on 40mg of Citalopram and I couldnt feel anything, good or bad, constantly tired and lethargic, seroxat did the same to me as well.

Just be careful and no-one knows you better than yourself !. Sometimes the meds can mask things you need to feel as well, prozac was a wonder drug for me the first time I took it. However I still feel that I was not the (true me) when on any of these drugs.

[LauraSmith27]

Hi,

I've had this experience with medication. I found that I felt very fake at first, but over time I adjusted to it. When feeling depressed has been your 'normal' for such a long time, feeling relaxed can feel quite bizarre!

Good luck - I hope you work it out.

Laura x

[Vanilla Sky]

Hi and welcome to NMP :welcome:
Paige x

[anxious_girl]

I feel fine on my usual dosage (citalopram) but when I was on a higher dosage - 40mg I felt really strange - unable to feel any emotion, good or bad. I'd watch a really sad film that usualy would have me in floods and I'd not feel a thing. I didn't like it. Maybe you are just on the wrong meds? Or maybe you've been down for so long you're affraid to feel happy - sometimes I feel guilty for feeling good about something and then make myself feel anxious again for feeling bad about feeling good.....

[ellymerryweather]

thanks everyone

i get these period of intense good feelings that feel nice but so fake, and then there are moments like this one right now when i just feel back where i started ... shit do i hate this