KelHumphreys
25-03-11, 16:24
Hi all,
I just wanted to update you all as I've been much better over the past few weeks (see my intro post in the Intro forum for background - took me ages to type and haven't got the energy to type it again, not do I want to bore you!) and even though I've had a set back the last few days, I just thought this might help some of you.
I have HA, which seemed to stem from stress, which brought on IBS which then created anxiety which has grown into health anxiety. At times it is all consuming and all I can think about, that every pain and ache must be something - what can it be?! Dr Google aids my fear and I'm constantly concerned that if I don't continue my obsessive checking behaviour then I will miss something serious and of course, that will be the end of me.
I had a full set of blood tests when my (lovely) doctor diagnosed IBS, and a swab to check everything was fine. All came back clear. I have IBS brought on by stress. But no, that wasn't enough for me. What, someone with 7 years of training telling me its just IBS. No, surely not. So the worries continued. Since then, I have had various stomach aches, pelvic pain, constant feeling of something stuck in my throat, dizziness, upset stomach... guess what. All symptoms of anxiety.
I started thinking I should have an abdominal scan, just to check, but in my heart of hearts I knew this is a slippery slope. The doctor agreed and instead suggested the NHS CBT course. I'm currently in week 3 and its a great help. Honestly, it really is and I can't recommend it highly enough. If anyone wants the first workbook I can email it to you so you can see, and I'd also visit http://www.llttf.com/ by the author of the workbooks.
Last Friday my doctor rang to see if I could come in as she had some medical students in and she thought it would be useful for them to speak to someone with IBS and HA. I of course said yes as she has been great with me, really understanding. It was really interesting speaking to them, and they asked me if I'd been for a scan. I explained why I hadn't and they said that if you scan the average person, on average 7 things will show up that would never have caused you harm and that you would never have even known about, but as they have seen them, they then require further investigation. This all causes more anxiety, stress and worry needlessly. So I'm now really glad I didn't go and would urge you all to try and not go for constant tests as it will never be enough. We have to learn to deal with our HA, to manage it and to hopefully one day get rid of it for good.
The CBT course shows you how your altered thinking - so my tendancy to catastrophize every ache and pain to be some awful disease, that altered thought is what then creates my altered behaviour - so that original thought then creates my altered feelings: I become anxious and consumed with worry, start googling symptoms, which leads to altered physcial symptoms as my original pain becomes more pronounced (usually as I am obsessing over it or prodding the area constantly looking for lumps) and all the other symptoms of anxiety (dizziness, upset stomach, lump in throat, shaking, loss of appetite, IBS) come back, which then leads to my altered behaviour of constantly checking my body for changes or lumps, and constantly seeking reassurance from my husband or family. If I hadn't had that altered thought in the first place, I wouldn't have had any of the other stuff. And that is what I need to work on - challenging unhelpful, negative thoughts which are what set off all my anxiety.
I thought I might share with you my goals as I try to move forward with my HA - this is Week 3 of the CBT course too. Just to fill you in, my key worries are passing blood (a real fear), and having some sort of cancer - my main ones are ovarian, cervical and colon (although some days I'm limitless in my quest!)
I will decrease my checking behaviour to once a day
I will stop looking so closely when I go to the toilet
I will only ask my family for reassurance once a day
I will learn that this behaviour stems from my altered thinking
I will accept this will take time to change
I will only check once per day and not indulge myself any further
I will only go to the doctors if, after 2 weeks my symptoms haven't gone
Today hasn't been a great day, I've definitley checked more than once and have indulged myself a little. But tomorrow is another day, and it will be a good day.
I think this site is great and it always helps me when I'm feeling anxious just to pop on and see I'm not alone. It is possible to move past it, I'm seeing glimpses of it, and I don't want to waste my life by worrying about things that may or may not happen. There are people that would give their left arm to be in my (and most of our) positions - I have a fantastic, loving family who I'm close to, a fantastic husband, wonderful friends, a job I enjoy, and we're in the process of moving to a long term family house and starting a family. I have so many wonderful, real things in my life and I'm missing out on it because I'm obsessing about things that aren't real. If something does affect my health, I will deal with then, but no amount of worrying will change that. All I can do is be vigilant and realise how precious our health is, but not be obessive about it. Along with my other plans, I want to do more excercise - I've just started going to a Zumba class on a Monday night which I can highly recommend, it's knackering but really good fun, and lose a bit of weight - I'm a size 12 so not much but just a bit to be more healthy and not obsess about my fat arms (just a vanity thing, not an HA thing... or is there "googles arm illness""...!!!), and try and eat more fruit and veg. The thing with HA is that you become so tuned in to every single ache and pain that before you wouldn't have even thought about. And that's what I'm aiming for again.
So good luck everyone - you're not alone and if anyone wants more info on the CBT course or the first workbook to give you an idea of what its like, let me know and I'll send it to you.
Have a lovely sunny weekend and enjoy it!
Lots of love,
Kelly :)
xxx
I just wanted to update you all as I've been much better over the past few weeks (see my intro post in the Intro forum for background - took me ages to type and haven't got the energy to type it again, not do I want to bore you!) and even though I've had a set back the last few days, I just thought this might help some of you.
I have HA, which seemed to stem from stress, which brought on IBS which then created anxiety which has grown into health anxiety. At times it is all consuming and all I can think about, that every pain and ache must be something - what can it be?! Dr Google aids my fear and I'm constantly concerned that if I don't continue my obsessive checking behaviour then I will miss something serious and of course, that will be the end of me.
I had a full set of blood tests when my (lovely) doctor diagnosed IBS, and a swab to check everything was fine. All came back clear. I have IBS brought on by stress. But no, that wasn't enough for me. What, someone with 7 years of training telling me its just IBS. No, surely not. So the worries continued. Since then, I have had various stomach aches, pelvic pain, constant feeling of something stuck in my throat, dizziness, upset stomach... guess what. All symptoms of anxiety.
I started thinking I should have an abdominal scan, just to check, but in my heart of hearts I knew this is a slippery slope. The doctor agreed and instead suggested the NHS CBT course. I'm currently in week 3 and its a great help. Honestly, it really is and I can't recommend it highly enough. If anyone wants the first workbook I can email it to you so you can see, and I'd also visit http://www.llttf.com/ by the author of the workbooks.
Last Friday my doctor rang to see if I could come in as she had some medical students in and she thought it would be useful for them to speak to someone with IBS and HA. I of course said yes as she has been great with me, really understanding. It was really interesting speaking to them, and they asked me if I'd been for a scan. I explained why I hadn't and they said that if you scan the average person, on average 7 things will show up that would never have caused you harm and that you would never have even known about, but as they have seen them, they then require further investigation. This all causes more anxiety, stress and worry needlessly. So I'm now really glad I didn't go and would urge you all to try and not go for constant tests as it will never be enough. We have to learn to deal with our HA, to manage it and to hopefully one day get rid of it for good.
The CBT course shows you how your altered thinking - so my tendancy to catastrophize every ache and pain to be some awful disease, that altered thought is what then creates my altered behaviour - so that original thought then creates my altered feelings: I become anxious and consumed with worry, start googling symptoms, which leads to altered physcial symptoms as my original pain becomes more pronounced (usually as I am obsessing over it or prodding the area constantly looking for lumps) and all the other symptoms of anxiety (dizziness, upset stomach, lump in throat, shaking, loss of appetite, IBS) come back, which then leads to my altered behaviour of constantly checking my body for changes or lumps, and constantly seeking reassurance from my husband or family. If I hadn't had that altered thought in the first place, I wouldn't have had any of the other stuff. And that is what I need to work on - challenging unhelpful, negative thoughts which are what set off all my anxiety.
I thought I might share with you my goals as I try to move forward with my HA - this is Week 3 of the CBT course too. Just to fill you in, my key worries are passing blood (a real fear), and having some sort of cancer - my main ones are ovarian, cervical and colon (although some days I'm limitless in my quest!)
I will decrease my checking behaviour to once a day
I will stop looking so closely when I go to the toilet
I will only ask my family for reassurance once a day
I will learn that this behaviour stems from my altered thinking
I will accept this will take time to change
I will only check once per day and not indulge myself any further
I will only go to the doctors if, after 2 weeks my symptoms haven't gone
Today hasn't been a great day, I've definitley checked more than once and have indulged myself a little. But tomorrow is another day, and it will be a good day.
I think this site is great and it always helps me when I'm feeling anxious just to pop on and see I'm not alone. It is possible to move past it, I'm seeing glimpses of it, and I don't want to waste my life by worrying about things that may or may not happen. There are people that would give their left arm to be in my (and most of our) positions - I have a fantastic, loving family who I'm close to, a fantastic husband, wonderful friends, a job I enjoy, and we're in the process of moving to a long term family house and starting a family. I have so many wonderful, real things in my life and I'm missing out on it because I'm obsessing about things that aren't real. If something does affect my health, I will deal with then, but no amount of worrying will change that. All I can do is be vigilant and realise how precious our health is, but not be obessive about it. Along with my other plans, I want to do more excercise - I've just started going to a Zumba class on a Monday night which I can highly recommend, it's knackering but really good fun, and lose a bit of weight - I'm a size 12 so not much but just a bit to be more healthy and not obsess about my fat arms (just a vanity thing, not an HA thing... or is there "googles arm illness""...!!!), and try and eat more fruit and veg. The thing with HA is that you become so tuned in to every single ache and pain that before you wouldn't have even thought about. And that's what I'm aiming for again.
So good luck everyone - you're not alone and if anyone wants more info on the CBT course or the first workbook to give you an idea of what its like, let me know and I'll send it to you.
Have a lovely sunny weekend and enjoy it!
Lots of love,
Kelly :)
xxx