I don't know how much more worrying I can cope with

[Nutty]

I am really sorry for what only looks like I come on here when there is something wrong. I really arn't I promise, I suppose this place is like having a best friend that sometimes you don't see for a while but then something happens and the only person you want to talk to is that best friend.

Well I am here again my friend and I know this all seems like a pointless and worthless winge but my head just will not stop worrying, I have got myself into such a state that my face has gone all numb again and the worst thing is it has only just got better. The daft thing is I have yet again been given the all clear on another lump, so I sould be the happiest person in the world.............. but I have now gotten to the point where if I have an itch I darent scratch it just incase there is another lump. Today I have checked the car's oil and I have noticed it has gone down ever so slightly so now I can't stop worrying about that. I have had the car for six months (its only nearly four years old) and it has only gone down a tiny bit but my head is saying it is going to be a very expensive repair bill and not just a little top up of oil, and the worst thing is I know cars use oil, the problem is I have a loan for this car and can't afford to repair it as well as pay for it each month. My daughter has just told me she has been invited to go on holiday with her boyfriend and his mum and dad and my head is now worrying about money for that as well. The car insurance is now due and thats over £300.00 and my gas and electric bill has come in and thats £200 more than I have put away for it, my wages havent gone up in over eight years so we are really feeling it. I know that things will pick up and that at the end of the day it is only money. God listen to me moaning away I just can't stop my head from being in this turmoil. I used to be very strong and nothing worried me but after my health scare three years ago I can't stop, and to top it all every year there has been a different health scare after another and with that and pets, kids and a rocky marriage at times I can't stop thinking everything is going totally wrong.

I know I am a lucky person, I have a beautiful daughter, a mostly loving husband, my brother who lives next door, all of which are healthy so why does my head feel like it is going to explode. I am sitting here crying as I am typeing this I feel so stupid but I can't stop. I am so very unhappy, I cannot understand how it has come to this I feel as though I am not allowed to be happy and if I am happy then I feel guilty.

Does anyone else feel like this?

[holly1986]

Hello!
First and foremost 100% of us worry its the irrationability that makes us more prone to giving ourselves bad health and uncontrollable fear.

Bills - Cut out the un-necessarys. My Dads cars oil went down quickly - he was told he had to change the air pressure and it was relieved in 5 mins for £10. Thats only because he had the mechanics time - he didnt need any parts etc. Your car will be fine - and so will you be, the bills for that are irrelevant - there wont be any

Your daughters holiday - tell her you will pay half of the money and she will have to pay the rest through helping neighbours, a job, car washes selling on ebay or car boot sales. This cuts the bill in half - which you could easily raise by selling unwanted stuff on ebay.

Your health is suffering because you are mentally giving your body a good old battering and you need to put your fear into its box. Your health is fine youve been checked, if you got the all clear once, who's to say if you find another lump that you wont get the all clear then too? You would because there is nothing there - as for scratching the area well if you catch a nail on your skin there will be a lump!! muscle tissue raises very very easily causing wee lumps and bumps everywhere - i have tonned of them and they are all completely harmless.

Take comfort from the fact that you are in control. Your health is good and you can sort out your finances easily. To minimize your bills - try switching lights off or using energy saving bulbs, turn plugs off even if an appliance is off because it still uses electricity - boil your kettle as and when is required not every five minutes. Washing machine - try one load per day and the same with the dishwasher - aim to use the dishwasher once per day - put it on at 7pm after meals then empty it in the morning. All of these things help no end - ive done them myself! If needbe ask your energy provider for a fob key so you dont have bills for it - ie - top up by a tenner on it use the tenner when it runs out top it up again you wont be long realising where youre wasting energy and will save a lot of money (btw - a fob key is free to have installed)

Hope this helps!!

x

[snowgoose]

hello Nutty:)

i think a lot of us have felt like you on our really bad days ..............so not alone at all :hugs:
being rational goes out the window ....................but you told us about the good things in your life and your yearning to get back to health .
sorry I dont know if you are on meds or getting counselling or Cbt . first port of call is you doctor again ....and ask for referral x

my gp wouldnt send me .......but I have got books from the library[ordered them ] and followed online cognitive therapy courses. .
tomorrow just do one thing that will get you some control back ...just one thing even if it is just calling the doctor ...or looking for a book to help xx
and post tomorrow and let us know ?
you are not..... so not going to let this destroy you . :hugs:
dry those tears ........splash your face with ice cold water .and repeat to yourself .I WILL GET BETTER .
baby steps Nutty ...............baby steps .

Holly :)

your post helped me hugely too ............excellent advice and I feel better too

xxxxx

[honeyp1e]

This is how am feeling right now am just worrying 24/7 my mind does not get 5 mins rest my body is so exhausted and i can't keep fighting it anymore just don't no what to do with myself am not eating / sleeping etc i just feel am fighting a losing battle am just worrying over everything and anything mainly all health anxiety ive had all kinds of tests came back clear and am still worrying

[Nutty]

Aww Holly and Snowgoose, I was really hoping I would get an answer, I didn''t realise I would get two fantastic answers... I dried my tears and then after reading the responses cried again.

Holly - I have started turning off lights and instead of putting the telly on standby I turn it off etc. hopefully that will reflect in my next bill. As for my car, I did have a ten year old car which the engine management light kept coming on, it worried me continiously and I didn't dare to drive it far, so I got rid of it, through caution to the wind and brought my new one, everyone was really happy as I didn't worry about it and I was really excited about it, my brother in law went and checked it and said it was a fantastic buy, so I had a loan and brought it. I thought I would drive loads in it and I would have years of happy driving. All I keep doing with it though is listening for noises, if there is a slight difference in the noise I panic, I don't enjoy driving it as I constantly worry about it breaking. It is just under 4 years old and has only done 31,000 miles. I have put it down to me loving the car that much that I don't want anything to go wrong with it and that I don't deserve to own such a lovely car.

I will tell my daughter that she will have to pay half, I never thought of that, she has applied for a couple of after school jobs as she knows money is tight so she can help. We have been to prom dress shopping today, the dresses are lovely its just more money to save up for but I am hoping that they will take a deposit and then me pay for it later as her prom isn't until July.

Snowgoose - I am not on any meds. I went to see a neurologist three years ago as my hands and face were numb most of the time. I had blood tests to rule out all of the horrible things and they all cam through clear, my Dr. said it could be ms. so away I went for a MRI. The neurologist said my hands were my spine and my face was anxiety and stress. I have seen the dr a few times since but every time I have mentioned anxiety they have brushed it under the carpet. I do have an appointment in April to see a dr that I do like and this time I am going to talk about it as I am getting to the point that I know I definately need help.

Everyone who I talk to about how I am feeling all think that I am insane that I am just talking rubbish, so thank you for listening to me and for helping me it really does make me feel a little better


xxxxxxx

[Nutty]

Aww Honeyp1e, I only have a couple of hours sleep then the rest of the night is tossing and turning and I only eat so my family and people at work don't worry about me not eating. My daughter keeps me going she is brilliant, she is my rock (its bad I should be her rock) I know all too well about worrying even after the tests have come back clear. But like Holly said earlier we have the all clear we are ok, we have got to concentrate on that and stop worrying. I know it is easier said than done but I am going to try and beat this, I owe it to my family

[snowgoose]

hello again :)

I think you need to see your gp sooner Nutty :hugs:
can you ask the receptionist to see a gp at your practice with an interest in mental health ?
and no you are not talking rubbish x.................it is hard for others to understand and I think families get scared and impatient unfortunately :huh:
you have this forum to talk to and sound less lonely now I hope .
get some proper help my love ...get to docs ..........and write down how you feel .or show him/her your post even
it is your right to get treatment ......dont despair ....take on board Hollys tips ........you will recover xxxxxxx

[Whiskers]

Hi Nutty,

Just read your post and wanted to send you a hug.:hugs: I know how horrible constant worry is and I think it's important to recognise when worries start to become constant and you leap from one thing to the next. I think of it like the searchlight symbol you see on a mac computer when it's searching for a document (sorry to be techy!). It's almost like when one fear is allayed your mind goes into overdrive and thinks 'right, what can we worry about next'.

What this tells us is a) that the worry is likely to be nothing to worry about as our minds are always looking for something to focus on and there can't possibly be that many seriously worrying things in our lives to keep it going day after day! and b) that it's a good idea to investigate what help and support is on offer. You've obviously recognised that it's becoming a problem for you by coming on here and, as snowgoose suggests, seeing your GP and getting a referral for CBT or similar may be a good step. I have found and am finding CBT very helpful, for me it helps to interrupt the worry cycle and challenge that annoying niggly worry voice that puts doubt and fear into your mind.

I know how it feels to be typing out a post while crying and I hope that the responses and advice have helped to dry some of the tears! I also think it's really important you look after yourself. If you can have a nice bath and a milky drink and get an early night (perhaps with a good book) that can often work wonders and give you the comfort you need.

Hope that helps a little.
Sharon

[Nutty]

Hiya Sharon and Snowgoose, I know I shouldn't but I am getting a little bit tipsy I know drink isn't the answer but at the moment it is the only answer I have. I was outside talking to my brother and my hubby was in the bath, when he let the water out the drain just overflowed !!!!! Oh yes yet another money worrying problem for me to worry about, seems like a never ending storey.

Thanks for the big hug Sharon I really needed it and as for the search light I coudn't of explained it better, thats what my life is a great big searchlight that once my mind has made sence of one thing, just searches for another !!! see it isnt techy its true !!!

Thank you everyone for your support it really means so much to me and I don't know what I would do without it I really love you guys and like I said in my very first post you ARE my best friends and I don't even know you, but you have all given me so much love and help that you really should be my very bestest of friends.

Thanks for everything and I promise I will phone the drs, tomorrow and try to get my appointment brought forward Snowgoose, I at least owe you that much for all of the help and understanding you have given me.

Thank you all so very very much


xxxxxx

[Whiskers]

Hi Nutty, well done re. the docs, that's a really positive step to take. Re having a drink, I personally found that alcohol really makes my anxiety worse, especially the next day. I would recommend avoiding it if you can. Perhaps replace it with some comforting activities like a bath, book and nice hot drink. I know how it can feel like it takes the edge off at the time but really suggest to try to avoid it if you can. When I was at my worst with the anxiety I avoided it completely. It really helped. Other top tip is excersise, uses up some of that excess adrenaline, the stuff that I find powers the searchlight!
Anyway, hope that helps a little. Re your worries, try to keep them in perspective although I know it's hard and remember, right now, when you are dealing with anxiety, if you won the lottery tomorrow you'd find something else to worry about. Getting to the root of the problem is really important.
x

[honeyp1e]

Aww Honeyp1e, I only have a couple of hours sleep then the rest of the night is tossing and turning and I only eat so my family and people at work don't worry about me not eating. My daughter keeps me going she is brilliant, she is my rock (its bad I should be her rock) I know all too well about worrying even after the tests have come back clear. But like Holly said earlier we have the all clear we are ok, we have got to concentrate on that and stop worrying. I know it is easier said than done but I am going to try and beat this, I owe it to my family

I know what u mean trying to beat this my problem is am trying to battle to many things all at the same time anxiety / eating disorder / weight / negative thinking etc instead of doing just one at a time I need to sit down and work it all out and do what I feel comfy doing and go from there baby steps

[snowgoose]

hello :)

how are you today Nutty?
if you havent contacted doc ......heck dont fret :hugs:

just let us know how you are ........cos you are worth it :yesyes:
xxx

[Nutty]

Hiya Honeyp1e - I hope you are feeling better today - small steps is definately what we need to do.

Hiya Snowgoose - How are you today? I have contacted the doctors and 11th April is the earliest I can go, I am still feeling horrible, I am at work now so I am trying to hold it all in but it is hard. It has been a horrible day today too, total backstabbing from every side. It was lovely you saying that I am worth it, it made me feel cared for, I don't feel like it at the moment anywhere else but here. I don't know how to get myself out of this rut I am in, role on 11th


xxxxx

[snowgoose]

Hello Nutty,

sorry to hear you have to wait .................but it if it is a doctor you trust and like .then I guess it is worth the wait rather than have some dismissive high handed medic who might make you feel worse
so hang on love ...........a fortnight to go .....and tell them everything or write it down if you will cry .

tell you though ....I am very impressed that you are handling going to work and obviously getting up despite little sleep . So pat yourself on the back for that .
Keeping your routine is so important I think . well done you :hugs:

You have had some awful scares healthwise ...and boy the media dont help with their health pages .
I do think CBT would help enormously to challenge your thoughts . while waiting for doc do look on Amazon and on the bookshop here for a book to start you off . another positive move xxx

I have had like so many here a dread of health worries that got out of control .Ms was one ..............brain bleed another ...........and yes some stuff came back with a?? on it .

I am still here thank god ......and put these frets in a box if they take over .
I take care to be sensible and plan for tomorrow sometimes re family weddings etc ...........but Nutty .....I live in the present now emotionally.
hard to do .......but with practice it will give you peace xxxx

stay strong as you can ...............and type if feelings overwhelm you
love xx

Honeypie ...........a huge hug for you too . thinking of you xx