phil06
29-03-11, 18:26
I've wanted to discuss this more for a while and many people won't understand I'm still young..I should be out enjoying myself but it's not how I feel.
Where I start? I'm the youngest in my family out of my brothers and sisters so you would think that's good. I'm 22 now but since the age of 20 or just before I really feared that age. I was 19 when I was in a long term relationship and I felt bad still do now when I said to my g.f at the time I'd go off her once she turned 20. 19 for me was a little grim..last year of being a teenager and once I hit 20 I was awful that year just glum and when I hit 21 I got some relief as it's a big age, party, it's a special birthday.
But I think about age all the time.. I look in the mirror and think another day and worry I look old. I was not lucky enough to settle down young like 18, get married and have a family so I feel going on a date now as a regular task than something exciting. I've never had a career just ten jobs and for personal reasons never went back to college last year. Sometimes I see the age concern ads on tv and although they are aimed at 70+ I feel bad when I see them and think of me..I worry what age I will have to stop reading Nuts magazine..wrinkles, baldness, grey hair, bad hips concern me and I am vein enough to get hair implants.
When you are like 16 everything is fun, you are growing up and can't wait to be old..once I hit 20's you don't wanna be older and I found that hard to take. On my 22nd birthday my sister said am I getting bald yet and I duno maybe it was light hearted convo but I take it to heart. I found it hard to adjust once minute you're like a fresh faced teen and some people age quicker than others in 20's. Really seems eternal gloom for me even worse lately...
I use to want a family but being single, family having new borns that's put me off having a family now. I gave up driving last year after failing my test 4 times so right now I feel I have little to like look forward to or challenge myself. I feel I have done it all and I wonder how others say 40 ..coped having heaps of jobs and g.fs at a young age before settling. When you settle younger you might be more chilled, laid back about life because you're enjoying life, somebody who accepts you for who you are so you don't seem to care as much. But 30 gives me the bloak I see it as old..I feel old now but that's older and beyond that I duno what I'd see it as..ancient. I don't mean it disrespectful to others because I know you can have a great life at 40 or 50 but for me I see it as doom and gloom and I duno where I have picked it up from.
Recently over the past few years my sister hit 30 and my dad hit 60 so that's worried me more..some how 59 made me worry less or feel bad. Age is just a number but you think about health, wrinkles all the doom and gloom. Somebody said but you experience more..true but I'm in the dumps about it and low so can't see that as clear..basically I feel this is an under lying cause of my depression/anxiety..feeling sorry for myself I blame age on my anxiety but can't understand why I felt 60 at 20 but 80 at 22 from anxiety. Somebody in my family had a mid life crisis at 30 so I have that in my head and relate to that with me..
Can anybody relate to this? I had a date, possible job interview next week I should be more optimistic..but it's not always the case?
Where I start? I'm the youngest in my family out of my brothers and sisters so you would think that's good. I'm 22 now but since the age of 20 or just before I really feared that age. I was 19 when I was in a long term relationship and I felt bad still do now when I said to my g.f at the time I'd go off her once she turned 20. 19 for me was a little grim..last year of being a teenager and once I hit 20 I was awful that year just glum and when I hit 21 I got some relief as it's a big age, party, it's a special birthday.
But I think about age all the time.. I look in the mirror and think another day and worry I look old. I was not lucky enough to settle down young like 18, get married and have a family so I feel going on a date now as a regular task than something exciting. I've never had a career just ten jobs and for personal reasons never went back to college last year. Sometimes I see the age concern ads on tv and although they are aimed at 70+ I feel bad when I see them and think of me..I worry what age I will have to stop reading Nuts magazine..wrinkles, baldness, grey hair, bad hips concern me and I am vein enough to get hair implants.
When you are like 16 everything is fun, you are growing up and can't wait to be old..once I hit 20's you don't wanna be older and I found that hard to take. On my 22nd birthday my sister said am I getting bald yet and I duno maybe it was light hearted convo but I take it to heart. I found it hard to adjust once minute you're like a fresh faced teen and some people age quicker than others in 20's. Really seems eternal gloom for me even worse lately...
I use to want a family but being single, family having new borns that's put me off having a family now. I gave up driving last year after failing my test 4 times so right now I feel I have little to like look forward to or challenge myself. I feel I have done it all and I wonder how others say 40 ..coped having heaps of jobs and g.fs at a young age before settling. When you settle younger you might be more chilled, laid back about life because you're enjoying life, somebody who accepts you for who you are so you don't seem to care as much. But 30 gives me the bloak I see it as old..I feel old now but that's older and beyond that I duno what I'd see it as..ancient. I don't mean it disrespectful to others because I know you can have a great life at 40 or 50 but for me I see it as doom and gloom and I duno where I have picked it up from.
Recently over the past few years my sister hit 30 and my dad hit 60 so that's worried me more..some how 59 made me worry less or feel bad. Age is just a number but you think about health, wrinkles all the doom and gloom. Somebody said but you experience more..true but I'm in the dumps about it and low so can't see that as clear..basically I feel this is an under lying cause of my depression/anxiety..feeling sorry for myself I blame age on my anxiety but can't understand why I felt 60 at 20 but 80 at 22 from anxiety. Somebody in my family had a mid life crisis at 30 so I have that in my head and relate to that with me..
Can anybody relate to this? I had a date, possible job interview next week I should be more optimistic..but it's not always the case?