Worried i wont cope

[Jemlou]

I am suffered from anxiety since i was about 16 (now 25) it has reared its ugly head in a number of ways over the years, it started with feeling sick ALL the time, i was off college for months then managed to get it under control - although i wouldnt say it ever went away but i could manage/control it. I have also at one point developed the shakes which lasted about 4 months and then went away. I also suffer slightly with health anxiety (at the moment i have an obsession with a tickling feeling in my throat and a little red bumb - which the doctor assures me is just anxiety related)

anyway recently the nausea has been really bad and this has resulted in me feeling i cant cope and having a bit of a breakdown about it. I went to the doctors and he put me back on cit (i was orginally put on it last novemeber but only took one tAblet due to it making me sick - the nausea on top of the nasuea side effects pushed me over the edge i think. So now im back on cit (day 7) and i'm doing ok only 10mg as i was scared of the sickness effect, also on diazepam (just until i settle on the cit and dcotor made it clear it would be a one off prescription) and anti nausea meds.

I have felt better than i did but i still feel a bit sicky when i think about it (i know i shouldnt think about it but easier said than done) and the irritation in my throat causes me to think about it.

SOOOOOOOOOOO today me and my bf of 2 years (who i love very much and we are happy) get the keys to our new flat (both living with our parents at the mo) we are moving in over the weekend and altho i am exicted and i genuinly am, i am also worried what if i dont cope!!! What if i turn into even more of a mess! I dont enjoy doing things like i use to, id rather stay in than go out etc and im sure this doesnt help me sitting in alone thinking but im worried my bf will get fed up of my insane behaviour! On the other hand maybe i need a change to occupy me etc....

Could just do with some support today xxx thanks for letting me get it all out xx

[Jemlou]

Well day 8 on Cit, woke up at 3am until 4am this morning unable to sleep (Cit seems to wake me up at about 3am but i take it at night as it makes me feel sicky) The dog didnt help matters he was doing laps of the house prancing around on the laminate flooring in the middle of the night!

Anyway yesterday we got the keys to the new flat and i was really worried about going to get the keys as i havent really been in a social situaution since I started my meds etc, we went got them - all went well i felt fine while i was there!

We went straight to the flat met both sets of our parents there (bfs parents also make me nervous sometimes - not thier fault just in my head!) and it went really well, they loved the flat - and its much nicer than i remembered it to be.

I had a headache last night as id been worrying all day about getting the keys and going over there etc but other than that i was fine.

YESTERDAY WAS A GOOD DAY!!!!!!!!!!! first for a while!

Still got the tickling feeling in my throat but trying to ignore it! Going over to the flat by myself today to sort out a few bits and i'm really looking forward to it!

xxx

[Jenny85]

Hi Jem,

Just read your post and felt I had to comment - I'm in a similar position, 25, been suffering with anxiety for a long time, on Citalopram and moving out of my parents' into my boyfriend's in a few weeks!

I just wanted to say stick with the Cit for now...nausea is my worst symptom as well, I cannot describe how much I hate it. I was pretty nauseous when I first started Cit, but somehow managed to get through it, just trying to keep busy and reminding myself it wouldn't last. In all honesty, I didn't believe the Cit would help, but one day I woke up with an appetite again. And it continued from there - it was so good to look forward to and enjoy eating again. It became such a joy. I hope it's the same for you. And don't worry, I'm not writing this having put on 4 stone - I'm eating a normal diet, which is just more than I was eating when I felt sick all the time ie nothing and looking horrible, like a rake. So good luck, and persevere.

And enjoy moving in with your bf - I'm pretty nervous about moving in with mine too. I love him to bits, but am a bit scared about what will happen if I go nuts. But I'm confident that, feeling better, it will be easier to handle any wee worries. And I don't know about you, but my parents don't live far away, so it's easy to go back and visit, there's no harm in that.

Hope all's well today. :)

[Jemlou]

Hi Jenny,

Thanks very much for taking the time to reply, i really appreciate it.

Been at the new house today sorting through stuff organising it a bit and I felt a lot calmer than i thought I would, I thought I might have a moment at one point but I didnt I got over it and the day went well.

I am defo keeping up with the Cit - I feel better than I was feeling a week ago for sure, even though ive heard it takes a couple of weeks before you notice anything.