Does your partner understand your depression?

[notsogood99]

Been with my man for around 18 months now, he knows I take anti-d's but not really gone into detail with him about it.

After a really low patch over last few months, I sat him down last night to tell him all about how I feel and why.
He didn't say anything!
He has said things before like, 'how can u be unhappy you got home, kids, job ..etc'.
I tried to get him to understand, but don't know if it has done any good.

I wanted him to realise why somethimes I am tearful, over react and get insecure in a hope he would... i dunno...reassure me??

Well I got a blank face, then he said why don't I stop taking meds as they obviously not helping??

He isn't the most open of guys, but I want to be with someone who cares about me and wants to understand!

Anyone had any similar experience?

[heavenly]

It's tough, it really is, first of all suffering with depression and then there is having to try and get your partner to try and understand what you are going through. I have kept my partner in the loop step by step, when I was having a good day, when it wasn't a good day. He didn't ever try and press me, but I didn't keep him in the dark on how I was feeling, I know he tried to understand but I do think it's impossible for someone else to really understand depression if they haven't been through it.

Just keep talking to him, maybe get a good book on it, so he can read it in his own time. I have just had a look on Amazon for you. Really good one here, help for a partner living with someone who has depression. Good luck. xx

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Living-Depression-Partner-Depressed-previously/dp/1905410611/ref=sr_1_11?ie=UTF8&qid=1301945507&sr=8-11

[tash1969]

Notsogood99,
I joined this site because my boyfriend had a breakdown and and first i didnt handle it very well because i didnt understand it when i joined someone told me to buy a book called depressive illness too strong for too long. it is a must read for you both it helped me so much and has some true light bulb moments. It is far from easy being the partner of someone who has dep/anx understanding something you cant even explain yourself is very hard but i recommend this book for both of you to read this site has also been very helpfull to me good luck tash xx

[notsogood99]

That's very kind of you both, thank you.

Tash, did it ever make you want to run away from him?

[haz]

It's very, very difficult for anyone who hasn't experienced something to be able to fully understand it. There are leaflets, books, websites for partners, friends and relatives of people suffering from mental health problems. Try and get your boyfriend to read them and he may understand your illness better. They also give tips on helpful/unhelpful things that your partner can do to help you when you are feeling ill.

My boyfriend is very understanding and helpful when I'm particularly bad but that's because he suffers mental health problems himself.

Best Wishes. x

[tash1969]

Notsogood99,
He left 9 weeks ago because he was just too hard to live with we have 2 kids and wasn't fair on them.
we still see each other and i hope when he is better he will come back but who knows?
He has huge amounts of guilt because of what he has done and suffers with low self esteem all a partner can do is try their best to be supportive sometimes we blow but we are human and it is very hard seeing someone you love going through this, it has completely changed my boyfriend in everyway so it is very hard especially when im here with 2 kids. i wish you all the best and get that book it really will help feel free to message me take care xx tash

[notsogood99]

Ah Tash, I am sorry to hear that. I hope you can manage to sort things out.

Had a bit more of a chat with him today, not sure if I have made a big deal out of it? But I just explained to him I told him as I wanted to be completely honest and that when i do have my down phases hopefully he'll be a bit more understanding.

Well he hasn't run off.....think that bit is in my head......he said he hasn' even thought about it.

Knowing me though i'll prob keep going on and on and drive him away :weep:

[delightfuldior]

I totally understand you. I suffer from LSE and Anxiety. My last partner wasnt understanding and said I needed help and I was making him miserable. My anxiety left me constantly searching for love, affection and reassurance of which he didnt give which in turn made me worse and I was the one who eventually ran. Instantly the burden of being in a relationship that wasnt satisfying lifted.
I am now with someone else who Ive talked to about it and he tries his best to understand but sometimes flips at me telling me to STOP THINKING LIKE THAT. What he doesnt understand is I cant just STOP. Ive a learnt behaviour in the way I think and I cant just 'unlearn' it. When the anxiety gets bad all I think about is running away and my BF knows I do this. Its because I cant handle not being able to handle us. I simply cannot have normal relationships unless there is drama or constant reassurance so instantly look for problems and magnify them.
I think the only way you're going to maintain your relationship and get your reassurance is to open up more, and if you have to get him the book and shove it under his nose then so be it. Its hard to get a person to open up when they dont normally, but try and look hard at other ways that your partner tries to listen and reassure you. He obviously doesnt understand your depression because he seems to think there needs to be a reason for it. But this is not the case at all.
x

[emmawalton]

my boyfriend doesn't understand me, i don't have depression just health anxiety and he seems to think that i enjoy going to the doctors and says i am a hypocondriac, the trouble is if i was ill he wouldn't believe me, his mum died when he was young so has not had the caring upbringing like myself so can see why he does not show any feelings or understand. Men eh.

[Blondey]

Trouble is I think its hard for them someone to understand if they've never been though it. To start with I think my hubby thought I was putting it on because I want to leave my job where I was getting builled but once I had a major panic attack and ended in hospital with a racing heart I think he realised how serious it was. I'm not a very open person about how I am feeling but I tell him every day if its a good or bad day and he always makes the effort to listen if I need him. I write a diary every day and leave it where he can read it (good and bad). I know he doesn't understand it but least hes making the effort so I'm trying to meet him halfway by keeping him informed.

[delightfuldior]

Trouble is I think its hard for them someone to understand if they've never been though it. To start with I think my hubby thought I was putting it on because I want to leave my job where I was getting builled but once I had a major panic attack and ended in hospital with a racing heart I think he realised how serious it was. I'm not a very open person about how I am feeling but I tell him every day if its a good or bad day and he always makes the effort to listen if I need him. I write a diary every day and leave it where he can read it (good and bad). I know he doesn't understand it but least hes making the effort so I'm trying to meet him halfway by keeping him informed.

an open diary is a good idea. They can touch in on how your doing without the pressure of talking. I think I might try this.