Anxiety over honeymoon in 2 weeks time - please help....

[moomin123]

Hi everyone,

I got married at the end of last May and we had a wonderful honeymoon planned. The thing is I got myself sooo worked up before the wedding with all the arrangments etc that afterwards the anxiety lingered and we had to cancel our honeymoon because I was so bad. Anyway, we managed to re-book our honeymoon without losing a lot of money and we are flying out to Miami on 19th April for 2 weeks. Before Monday I was looking forward to it, getting stuff packed already and buying nice new summer clothes, but on Monday it hit me that I am finally going. Since then the anxiety hasn't given me any peace. I have got all the usual symptoms, IBS, feeling sick, loss of appetite, constant feeling of dread, palpatations, irrational thoughts etc etc.....
I have had this for 10 years now and nothing bad has ever happened to me, I guess I am just scared of the fear. I have had CBT and councelling sessions and this site is great. I know that I won't come to any harm and to just ride throught he panic, but everytime I think about going away I get these waves of panic go through me and my body feels tingly and I get this really intense fear and I immediately think 'no I can't do this we need to cancel the honeymoon again'. When this happens I try to just sit down and flop my shoulders to just let it subside, but afterwards I am left with this constant state of anxiety. On the outside I appear completely normal, like at work, no one would know what a state I am inside but inside I feel like my body is in terror. It wears me out so much I just want to sleep. I just have visions of me being on the plane and panicing and thinking that I am stuck on there for 10 hours. Last year my doc gave me some Oxasepam to take when I got bad. The thing is I am really funny about taking tablets, I am on 20mg of Citalopram which I can take without problems, I have been on them for about 4 years but when it comes to taking tranquillisers I get really worried. I took one last year when I had really had enough of these feelings and it just made me go to sleep and my hubbie couldn't wake me up!! They are 10mg do you think if I just took half it would make me feel better but not make me sleep? They would probably help me if I took one when I was on the plane but I am scared of taking them!! It just doesn't make sense.
We are flying with Virgin to Miami and I have called them to say that I suffer with anxiety and I don't like flying so there is a note on our booking for the cabin crew to check on my through the flight.
I just don't want to get there and spend the entire 2 weeks wishing I was back home cos the anxiety is soooo bad - I want to be able to enjoy it and I want my husband to enjoy it too.
It seems to me that everytime I do something out of the ordinary pattern of my life like going to work and coming home etc it makes anxiety rear its ugly head - going away has always been a problem for me but this time it is driving me mad!!
Can anyone else relate to this? Does anyone else have any tips on how to cope. I have begun to realise that I will probably feel like this up until the day we go, it is anticipatory anxiety and I know from experience that once you are actually doing the scary event it does get a bit better, it is just horrendous going through this at the moment.
Last year when we cancelled as soon as we agreed that was what we were going to do all the anxiety vanished and I felt so much better that I didn't have to go. My husband was so dissapointed, I can't do this to him again but the feelings of absolute terror I have are making it so difficult to cope.
Any help/encouragement/advise would be grately appreciated.

moomin

[shoegal]

Hi. I'm sorry that I can't offer much in the way of advice but I do understand what you are going through. I have agoraphobia so any outings or travelling sends me into a state of panic and dread. It's such a shame that you can't just enjoy this special trip without being blighted by anxiety. Have you been able to tell anybody at all? Sometimes talking about your fears really helps. Hopefully someone on this forum will be along soon who can offer some advice. I hope you manage to sort this out so you can enjoy your honeymoon with your husband. You deserve it. :flowers:

[blueangel]

So, is the main issue here flying, or is it about breaking your normal routine? If it's both of those, which is the worst one? And if you go on holiday, what's the worst that could happen - and even more importantly, rationally, what are the chances of that happening. If you can rationalise exactly what you're afraid of and the (low) probability of it happening, then it will help you to tackle it.

I don't like flying myself, but I don't have any huge desire to go to far-flung places; most of the places I want to get to, I can reach by boat or train, so I suppose it's less of a problem for me. However, if I really wanted to go somewhere that was a long-haul flight away, then I would have to rationalise it. In my case, it's two things - I don't particularly like being cooped up in small spaces, and also I think my greatest fear is about terrorists; I don't have such a great fear of the plane malfunctioning, as I know how safe the aeronautical industry is.

If you think you can manage the flight with a tranquiliser, but are worried about taking them, how about road-testing them first? In a few days' time, try taking half of a tablet, or I suppose even a quarter of one, and see what happens. It's more than likely that a quarter of a tablet won't have any effect at all, but you might find that half a tablet is enough. If that's the case, try half a tablet an hour or two before your flight, then if that starts to wear off and you feel anxious again, take another half.

If they make you go to sleep, that's all well and good as you can just sleep through most of the flight and perk yourself up before you come in to land. Good luck!

[macc noodle]

Hey there - if you are afraid of the flying maybe I can offer a little help with a strategy or two - been there done that and definitely got the t-shirt!!!

I used to hate being locked in - as soon as the doors closed off I would go full blown panic and it was awful. I would then progress to "what ifs" ie., what if I had a heart attack at 30000 feet etc etc, Flying was a complete nightmare and I would spend the holidays dreading the return journey.

Anyway, one day I decided to "face the fear" - and this is what I did

(1) OMG THE DOOR IS LOCKED - so what? better locked than unlocked when mid-air
(2) WHAT IF I HAVE A HEART ATTACK ETC MID FLIGHT - how many people have I seen this happen to on flights in the past = 0
(3) I AM NEVER GOING TO SURVIVE THIS 10 HOUR FLIGHT (checking watch every 5 mins) - OK so this is a long flight but in 2 hours I only have 8 hours left, in 4 hours I only have 6 hrs left etc etc
(4) CONSTANTLY CHECKING MY PULSE, HEART RATE AND BEING GENERALLY FIDGETY - watch the movie on show and really get into it - even if you have seen it before. Go for a walk to the loo every hour or so - this is good it stretches your legs and gives you a bit of exercise.
(5) Drink plenty of water and leave the alcohol

I know you may have been told stuff like this a million times before but for me it actually worked and little by little the fear subsided and the irrational panic and anxiety attached to flying left me.

I could enjoy my holidays and not worry about the return journey - so much so that a couple of years ago I went to Australia on holiday and had the flight of my life with Singapore Airlines - they were fab and not one single moment of anxiety or panic hindered the very very long flight!

Enjoy your hols - you deserve it - Miami is fantastic.

Jan
xx

PS - sorry mine is such a long post.............