been going crazy since 2001

[chasel28]

Hi,

I am 29 years old and have four children. I have suffered from anxiety since my dad died suddenly of a heart attack in 2001. I was the executior of his will 6 months pregnant, arranged his funeral and cleared his house out. I identified his body all at 19 years old.

I have suffered on and off since then. My middle son was born in 2006 and was in special care for 6 weeks as he was 8 weeks early. From this day i have had severe panick attacks and anxiety. The noise of the monitors the waiting the worrying it all took its toll and brough back the anxiety of 2001.

I now so many years on suffer every day, i was told in 2008 that i have the same genetic fault that causes really high cholesterol levels and needed medication. I then sound out i got this from my dad who had his first heart attack at 31, died at 46. I am going insaine. I know my levels are under control but every day i worry about going the same way and dying of a heart attack young. I have hot flushes, sickness, IBS, tingling, dizziness. I feel it will not go away until i actually collapse one day and then its finally happened.

I have tried therapy its no use. I work full time in a office, going to work daily is absolutley hell! i struggle to get through every day.

I know no one that has this or understands one little bit how horrid my life is. I am controlled by my own fear. I bounce from thinking i have cancer to worrying i have an apendicitus. It never stops. I just want to live like a normal mum.

Thanks for reading

Lindsay x

[miggymoggy]

Hi Lindsay - so sorry to hear you are having such a tough time.
I can relate to what you're saying as my anxiety has been sky high since my Mum died from lung cancer 1.5 years ago.
I worry all the time that I will get cancer, can't sleep, losing weight and have had god knows how many tests.
I am off work at the moment as have just adopted a little girl but I know what you mean about work being a struggle every day. Before I finished work it was a real effort to go in and I would have panic attacks there thinking I was going to die or collapse.
Are you on anti-depressants?

[WILLIAMthedude]

You need to isolate the bad thoughts when the sensations come and understand your body is working perfectly natural.

When you experience high levels of anxiety you do feel certain sensation but they are normal.

I have had all the same fears and probably worse sensation... with the exception of child birth.

You are fine and your notion of a normal mum? ...I don't think there is such a thing.

You need to appreciate the grand comedy of life and take of those black tinted glasses.

You know my Dad had a heart attack at 40... Doctors think it might have even happened earlier and that the symptoms were just manifesting badly then. He lived another 18 years, a very active life - in the end he was over-weight and always enjoyed his whiskey... I imagine he might have lived longer had he kept up better habits, of course the smoking form his teenage years did him no favours.

Anyways, if a heart attack ever does happen. It's by no means the end.

It's down to your courage, passions, psychology... you know you have enjoyed moments in life. You have lived some very happy times, got the kids there growing up. You need to stop thinking about health, stop expecting the big shocks, the high drama and simply... live.

Live for your family, for your self.

Find some positive rituals to reinforce a happier life-style.

Get a new outfit, paint, buy a pedometer/stepometer and try to walk 10,000 steps a day. Quit over thinking it, stop trying to be super human and just be human for your own sake.

Being anxious a lot of the time is not unusual for human, some live much worse existences than us, you know that. So, just try to see the colour in the day and stop listening to the sounds. The horns, the beeps,, the clicks, the bangs, the clutters, the smashes. Let that all happen around you, focus on the beautiful aspects.

Go to the beach maybe.

Don't make excuses to continue to live the way you do.

See the path to life with a bit more happiness to it and tread on it. You'll soon go the distance.

You're probably full of good advice yourself... listen to it.