GirlAfraid23
07-04-11, 13:26
Hi guys,
Well I haven't been here in a while but I think I might be suffering from what certain theories call "Limerence".
Quick definition:
The concept "of 'limerence' provides a particular carving up of the semantic domain of love"[/URL] and is an attempt at a scientific study into the nature of love. Limerence is considered as a cognitive (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence#cite_note-3) and emotional state of being emotionally attached or even obsessed with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings - a near-obsessive form of romantic love (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romance_%28love%29).[URL="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence#cite_note-5"] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence#cite_note-time-4)"
Ok, so this is what I think I may be suffering from. It is gradually driving me insane. First of all, to begin the story, I'll have to tell you all about my "Limerent object". I met him at University 3 years ago now, when we first met he had a girlfriend and I was already in a relationship (with one of his best mates strangely) and this is how we met.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, we had so much in common that it was very odd, we had exactly the same taste in music, had the same interests, enjoyed talking about the same things, literally as cheesy and cliched as it sounds we thought the same things at the same time.
I then broke up with that boyfriend (his best mate) and I became very depressed and forlorn as I wasn't enjoying where I was living at uni at the time and the only person who was there to comfort me was the limerent object who I will now refer to as L.O.
We met up reguarly and he was the only person who kept me sane, we spoke every night either over the internet or by text message and he almost became the last person I spoke to before I went to bed and the first person I spoke to when I woke up.
It went on like this for a few months, even over christmas time, when I was back home for the holidays, I spoke to him everyday.
His best friend was obviously still his priority but he did spend alot of time with me and often chose me over him which I found odd at the time. We helped each other through difficult times and after christmas, this turned into something I couldnt live without but at the time I didn't see it as clearly. One night, we ended up kissing after a very close night together, we were quite tipsy and out with friends but it just felt right. After this, I told him how I felt as I knew it was the right time in such a passionate moment. He told me he still loved his ex girlfriend who he had alot of history with but she had cheated on him and wasn't especially interested. I was horrified and heart broken but we continued speaking, a few weeks later, the kissing happened again and this time he came back to my flat and we sat up talking until the early hours, we even shared a bed. That was it for me. I was entirely in love with him.
He made it clear he didn't want anything more because he wanted the other girl, I then proceeded to mend my broken heart and met my current boyfriend whom I have been with for two years.
I saw the L.O. a few times after we left university and I ended up crying one night, in front of my boyfriend and the L.O. but nobody knew why, its my little secret. The L.O. however told me a few times after it didn't work out with the girl he had chased instead of me, that he had been thinking of how it would have been if we had got together after all. I was with my boyfriend at the time and couldn't even comprehend the idea because I didn't want to cheat on him, but the L.O. just saying this, re-lit a fire inside me and I carried on correspondence for another year. Which takes us up to today, we don't speak anymore because of an argument that ensued a few months ago. Ever since then, I haven't been able to forget about him, I feel as though we are soulmates but I know it would never work because my friends dont like him, his best mate is my ex boyfriend, and worst of all, I am still with my boyfriend of two years ago.
I feel I may be suffering from limerence, the description fits me perfectly and I don't know what to do about it. I often find myself searching his name on social networking sites just to see what he is doing and in my most insane moments, have almost planned a trip to his home town in the small chance that I might see him or bump into him.
I had a dream a few days ago and it has stayed with me for this whole time when usually I forget them within a few hours. I am planning a trip to our university town this weekend just in case he is out and about. I haven't seen him in a year and I feel insane.
Please help. My anxiety has ruined enough things in my life. I can't let it ruin what is left of my sanity. I need to know whether to contact him and just tell him how I feel. Or to just forget about it....
Well I haven't been here in a while but I think I might be suffering from what certain theories call "Limerence".
Quick definition:
The concept "of 'limerence' provides a particular carving up of the semantic domain of love"[/URL] and is an attempt at a scientific study into the nature of love. Limerence is considered as a cognitive (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence#cite_note-3) and emotional state of being emotionally attached or even obsessed with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings - a near-obsessive form of romantic love (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romance_%28love%29).[URL="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence#cite_note-5"] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence#cite_note-time-4)"
Ok, so this is what I think I may be suffering from. It is gradually driving me insane. First of all, to begin the story, I'll have to tell you all about my "Limerent object". I met him at University 3 years ago now, when we first met he had a girlfriend and I was already in a relationship (with one of his best mates strangely) and this is how we met.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, we had so much in common that it was very odd, we had exactly the same taste in music, had the same interests, enjoyed talking about the same things, literally as cheesy and cliched as it sounds we thought the same things at the same time.
I then broke up with that boyfriend (his best mate) and I became very depressed and forlorn as I wasn't enjoying where I was living at uni at the time and the only person who was there to comfort me was the limerent object who I will now refer to as L.O.
We met up reguarly and he was the only person who kept me sane, we spoke every night either over the internet or by text message and he almost became the last person I spoke to before I went to bed and the first person I spoke to when I woke up.
It went on like this for a few months, even over christmas time, when I was back home for the holidays, I spoke to him everyday.
His best friend was obviously still his priority but he did spend alot of time with me and often chose me over him which I found odd at the time. We helped each other through difficult times and after christmas, this turned into something I couldnt live without but at the time I didn't see it as clearly. One night, we ended up kissing after a very close night together, we were quite tipsy and out with friends but it just felt right. After this, I told him how I felt as I knew it was the right time in such a passionate moment. He told me he still loved his ex girlfriend who he had alot of history with but she had cheated on him and wasn't especially interested. I was horrified and heart broken but we continued speaking, a few weeks later, the kissing happened again and this time he came back to my flat and we sat up talking until the early hours, we even shared a bed. That was it for me. I was entirely in love with him.
He made it clear he didn't want anything more because he wanted the other girl, I then proceeded to mend my broken heart and met my current boyfriend whom I have been with for two years.
I saw the L.O. a few times after we left university and I ended up crying one night, in front of my boyfriend and the L.O. but nobody knew why, its my little secret. The L.O. however told me a few times after it didn't work out with the girl he had chased instead of me, that he had been thinking of how it would have been if we had got together after all. I was with my boyfriend at the time and couldn't even comprehend the idea because I didn't want to cheat on him, but the L.O. just saying this, re-lit a fire inside me and I carried on correspondence for another year. Which takes us up to today, we don't speak anymore because of an argument that ensued a few months ago. Ever since then, I haven't been able to forget about him, I feel as though we are soulmates but I know it would never work because my friends dont like him, his best mate is my ex boyfriend, and worst of all, I am still with my boyfriend of two years ago.
I feel I may be suffering from limerence, the description fits me perfectly and I don't know what to do about it. I often find myself searching his name on social networking sites just to see what he is doing and in my most insane moments, have almost planned a trip to his home town in the small chance that I might see him or bump into him.
I had a dream a few days ago and it has stayed with me for this whole time when usually I forget them within a few hours. I am planning a trip to our university town this weekend just in case he is out and about. I haven't seen him in a year and I feel insane.
Please help. My anxiety has ruined enough things in my life. I can't let it ruin what is left of my sanity. I need to know whether to contact him and just tell him how I feel. Or to just forget about it....