daria
07-04-11, 16:21
Hello. I am new to this forum and this is my first post. Here's a little background story.
I am a girl, soon to be 18 and I've suffered the fear of HIV for a little over a year now. The panic/anxiety stemmed from the fear of the disease has twice driven me to the point where I needed to be put in a psychiatric hospital. I've been tested 3 times over the course of a year, every test was negative. The negative results, however, have not decreased my fear not one bit.
First time I got my results, I was relieved. Then I started thinking that the nurse reused a needle and infected me. That is the reason I had another test done 6 months later. Again, I was relieved after receiving a negative result, but later started suspecting the nurse of infected me by reusing a needle. This time I thought that the nurse had not only infected with HIV, but also with Hep C. That's the reason I got another test done after 6 months (in January, 2011).
Again, I was relieved when the results arrived. This relief didn't last for long though, as I read online that if co-infected with both Hep C and HIV, the test results may be negative up to 1 year after being infected. And I had my test done only 6 months after.
I wouldn't be as worried if I didn't have any symptoms commonly associated with HIV. Lately, I've been having a lot of oral symptoms - lesion on tongue, cracks at the corner of the mouth, etc. A few months ago I noticed the lymph nodes of my jaw and neck were somewhat enlarged. I have so many symptoms that writing them all down would take a lot of time.
My present situation is pretty bad. I'm anxious and have spontaneous outbursts of crying and I'm scared of having put in a psychiatric hospital again. I plan on getting tested again in 6 months and actually paying attention whether the needle looks used or not. But I'm scared that I'll die of HIV before I can even get tested again.
If someone here has/has had the fear of HIV, I'd appreciate if you'd comment and share your story and how do you deal with fear.
I am a girl, soon to be 18 and I've suffered the fear of HIV for a little over a year now. The panic/anxiety stemmed from the fear of the disease has twice driven me to the point where I needed to be put in a psychiatric hospital. I've been tested 3 times over the course of a year, every test was negative. The negative results, however, have not decreased my fear not one bit.
First time I got my results, I was relieved. Then I started thinking that the nurse reused a needle and infected me. That is the reason I had another test done 6 months later. Again, I was relieved after receiving a negative result, but later started suspecting the nurse of infected me by reusing a needle. This time I thought that the nurse had not only infected with HIV, but also with Hep C. That's the reason I got another test done after 6 months (in January, 2011).
Again, I was relieved when the results arrived. This relief didn't last for long though, as I read online that if co-infected with both Hep C and HIV, the test results may be negative up to 1 year after being infected. And I had my test done only 6 months after.
I wouldn't be as worried if I didn't have any symptoms commonly associated with HIV. Lately, I've been having a lot of oral symptoms - lesion on tongue, cracks at the corner of the mouth, etc. A few months ago I noticed the lymph nodes of my jaw and neck were somewhat enlarged. I have so many symptoms that writing them all down would take a lot of time.
My present situation is pretty bad. I'm anxious and have spontaneous outbursts of crying and I'm scared of having put in a psychiatric hospital again. I plan on getting tested again in 6 months and actually paying attention whether the needle looks used or not. But I'm scared that I'll die of HIV before I can even get tested again.
If someone here has/has had the fear of HIV, I'd appreciate if you'd comment and share your story and how do you deal with fear.