So worried about being/becoming Psychotic

[Rhys1879SAFC]

Hey, sorry it seems that I only come on here when I have a problem.

Basically, last week I was doing really well, almost back to normal really, I felt 95% like my old self. I have managed to get a job sorted out and generally life was far better for me. My anxiety was almost gone, my depresonalisation went away consistently for the first time since mid-February.

Then for some stupid reason, I read up about Psychosis online, I guess I was trying to put myself to the test, to see if I could read up about something like that and come away from it and not worry about it. Well I failed the test miserably. (sorry that was a terrible example).

I am absolutely obsessed with hearing/seeing things that aren't there, even though I haven't had any hallucinations. I'm having thoughts like such as "I'm imagining the whole world around me" and my depersonalisation has come on really strongly again. Whenever something good happens to me like I find an old book I lost a while ago, I'll think "this is too good to be true, so perhaps it isn't?".

Seriously I hate myself for getting too confident that I'd beaten anxiety and now I've relapsed really hard. I'm convinced I'm going to develop Psychosis at some point in my life!

Help me. :weep:

[Rachel_123]

i just have to say something short, i can understand you're worry but if you were in a state of psychosis, you wouldn't be aware of it anyway, so why worry?

[mabel]

Rachel is right.

If you were in a state of Psychosis you would have no idea that you were!!!

But you are aware! Sounds like its depersonalisation to me! (which is horrible in itself!) But it wont cause you any harm. Remember that. Tell it to go away (or find your own swear words to tell it where to go!!!)

I have often thought I was losing it big time in my life. Turned out to be anxiety. Not to say its not hard to deal with but knowing and BELIEVING its anxiety really helps! Now if I get those kind of thoughts (which I still do) I just ignore them and say to myself its just anxiety and it can **** off!!!!!

Believe it! Its anxiety and it will disappear if you don't feed it!

Mabel xxx

[mabel]

And don't look up symptoms on the internet!!!!

[Rachel_123]

And don't look up symptoms on the internet!!!!

i think we've all made that mistake before! im in studying to be a nurse, im the biggest hypochondriac in the world!!

[Rhys1879SAFC]

I thought people with Psychosis did realise they weren't right in the head? I'm still scared. :(

[Rachel_123]

no, think about it logically. if you have a hullucination then how do you know its real or not? you dont so you assume its real. end of story, nothing to worry about

[Rhys1879SAFC]

I just feel in a dream all the time, nothing is real to me, I just want to feel like I'm part of the world again.

[Rachel_123]

i understand. de-realisation can be a very frightening thing.. can anyone else help??

[kibbutz83]

Can I just say that you obviously weren't "back to normal", otherwise something as trivial as googling psychosis wouldn't have affected you this severely... I think at times we are so desperate to "be well", that we can delude ourselves? :(

[kibbutz83]

ps I suffer from ptsd, which is an absolute nightmare, but I have to just deal with what it throws at me, as we all do :( Sometimes it's about adapting to "the new you" :)

[Rachel_123]

ive always believed that all this can only make us better, more sensitive and understanding people. the new you can be a good you!

[Rhys1879SAFC]

Yeah but how many months is it going to take before I see the new me?

There just doesn't seem to be any light at the end of the tunnel.

I keep getting a strong sense of Déja Vu aswell! Its really getting on my nerves.

Got an appointment with my counsellor tomorrow, I'll talk to her about it, in the mean time I'm going to have an early night.

[kibbutz83]

Hi Rhys, unfortunately there are no quick fixes, especially when it comes to mental health, and no-one has a definitive answer as to what's wrong with us. Even the so-called experts get it wrong a lot of the time :( I've discovered the hard way, that sometimes things just "happen", and we must learn to roll with them...