I don't know what to do...

[JennyGregory5]

Hi guys,

I feel kind of new to this site. I regulary perused the forum 4 years ago when I was suffering from health anxiety and I can honestly say that this forum helped me through it.

However, now I'm back and with a whole new range of problems. Where to begin...

Last March my dearly loved Gran suffered a stroke and ended up in hospital. This was the beginning. I was heart broken, despite surviving the stroke she wasn't the independent lady she used to be.

Then in April my Dad died, really suddenly. My partner was travelling for work at the time and I tried to tuck away my grief as I was scared with how I'd cope if I didn't.

In July my Gran passed away. Again my boyfriend was travelling and I swallowed my pain in order to organise the funeral and look after my mother.

It didn't occur to anyone that I might be suffering, to be fair I never let anyone see.

For about a month I coped but then I slowly started to break down. I found myself crying at silly things, irritable for no reason and constantly sleepy.

Things have only got worse since then. I cry at least 10 times a day. I am so tired that my arms and legs ache when I walk and that my head feels to fuzzy to think. I cannot concentrate on anything which of course is having a negative impact at work. The criticism I get for doing a bad job only brings me down more. I feel so despertly sad and hopeless. Sometimes I think of ending everything. I'm also struggling with anxiety. As part of my job I have to sit exams, I should start studying for them in 3 weeks but everytime I think of them I feel short of breath, dizzy and faint. This is only getting worse the closer it gets.

I have a doctors appointment on Thursday and I hope for some hope but I do not know what to expect. Do you think I'd be able to ask for some time off work? Or medication or therapy?

Any responses will be appreciated.

Thanks x
D

[Hazel B]

Hi, all the trauma you've had is enough to make anyone suffer. Let your doctor know how you feel and ask for help, there is counselling as an option or you may be offered medication. It's your choice what you do to help yourself. It seems you have stayed strong for everyone and now your body and mind are telling you to do something to let it all out.

I don't know what the diagnosis will be or whether you should take time off work but you have made the right step in getting the appointment.

Hope you feel better soon and take care.

[Anxious_gal]

Therapy and support, you need the support from people, even if its only a therapist once a week, you can go there know you will be heard and you can off load all your issues and feelings.
medication might help, it can take a while for it to kick in.
your also going through grief and that can be very hard without the love and comfort of those around you.
you need to be able to tell someone how you feel and have them listen.
depression can make you feel sick and tired and overwhelmed, little things are hard even just getting the energy to cook dinner.
I can't stress the need for you to get support from actual people, even if its meeting a friend for coffee,
when depression gets worse you may find yourself not wanting to be around people, staying inside too much, isolating your self and thats the last thing you should do even though it feels if you sleep enough the depression will go x

[JennyGregory5]

Thank you so much for your replies, apparently even kindness makes me cry. It is kind of a comfort to know that what I am experiencing is normal for a depressed person, even if not for a healthy one.
My boyfriend is becoming more and more supportive. Over the last few weeks he has gone from wondering why I am so unhappy and blaming himself to being a lot more understanding as he is realising what is wrong with me.

[Anxious_gal]

there are happy and sad tears :hugs:
In a way it's good you are feeling better than feeling numb which can happen too when you are depressed.
Thats good your boyfriend is understanding, I hope your doctors appointment goes well, and try not to be too hard on your self, don't be afraid to voice your needs :)

[debbsi]

My word D you have certainly been very brave, it was only a matter of time before it all got on top of you - anyone would be the same with what you have had to cope with.

It sounds like you would really benefit from bereavement counselling, your doctor should be able to refer you.

Hope it all goes OK - keep us informed
:bighug1:

Deb x

[JennyGregory5]

Hi there,

Firstly thanks for all the kind replies I received before. I thought I'd give you an update. The GP appointment went well, he was very supportive and prescribed me 20mg citalopram, referred me for counselling and signed me off work for an initial period of 2 weeks.

The medicine is really wiping me out at the moment, I feel very tired and groggy and kind of jittery but I am hopeful this will pass.

Another issue has come to light today though. On Monday I emailed the HR manager at my work to let me them about my doctors appointment and being signed off work and I received quite a kind reply. Telling me they were sorry to here of my problems and that they looked forward to seeing me back in work. Then this morning (Tuesday) I received a letter from them saying that my behaviour was very unprofessional, that I should give them more notice before being sick and basically making me feel rubbish.

It annoyed me as I know they wouldn't have been like this if I had been signed off work with the flu or a broken leg. How can you give notice for being sick? I'm now in the very difficult position whereby I feel as though I cannot return to work at this place (the letter was worse than I have made out) but we can't do without the money if (as my doctor has suggested) I may be off work for a prolonged period. Can you claim sick benefit money if you have quit your job? Or does anyone have any helpfula dvice as to how I can deal with this situation?

Thanks x

[Tyke]

Hi D

Think that letter HR sent you is appalling. I would think treating you like that actually gives you a strong case against them. Maybe worth having a word with Citizens Advice Bureau or a trade union as to your rights?

I don't think it is easy to get benefits now if you quit your job due to illness - I think you would probably have to go for something like ESA (Employment Support Allowance), which I know for a fact people with anxiety/depression issues are struggling to get due to new government targets. Personally I would just keep getting signed off if you can while you work out what your options are. You may benefit from medication, this may help your mood, but can take a few weeks to kick in. Getting signed off but not putting your notice in gives you the option of going back when you are feeling better if you want to give it a go.

Tyke