MiniatureDisasters
14-04-11, 02:14
Have been doing okay for the most part this year with maybe one or two panic attacks in the last few months. Went out to a pub quiz with some work friends tonight, stupidly had a couple of glasses of wine, nowhere near enough to make me feel ill, but because of past panics there was always the thought in the back of my mind that it might bring on a panic attack, but I've been okay recently so I risked it. Sure enough I wake up half an hour after going to bed with diarrhea and panicky feelings, can't get back to sleep. I know for sure if this was the weekend and I didn't have to do anything tomorrow I'd be fine.
Work has been really stressful lately, and every time I close my eyes I'm in this half awake half asleep dream all jumbled up with things from work. Now in a panic because a) I can't sleep and need to go to work tomorrow b) buses are my main panic trigger so I'm now worrying I'll get an attack on the bus to work tomorrow, which I'm stuck on for about an hour c) I've had a stomach upset and I get really nauseaous in panic attacks which is making me worry about throwing up while being out by myself (this has happened once before when I was actually ill, I was by myself, no-one stopped to help me and it's part of what I think started all my panic attacks) and d) if I don't make it in tomorrow, everyone will just think I'm hungover, so while normally I could tell myself if the panic is really bad I'll just work from home, or call in sick or go in later, I can't do this tomorrow. Just the usual story really. Not sure what I'm looking for, I've been through this all before, just need to vent. Can't sleep.
Have forced myself to get through panic attacks on the bus many times, even though I've wanted to get off or thinking I've come really close to throwing up. It's just worse when there's physical symptoms like tonight, as the 'what if I actually am physically ill and I need to throw up / go to the bathroom' thought creep in.:weep: My own stupid fault for having some wine, doesn't matter how careful I am not to drink to excess, the worry in my mind of even one drink does it. Even after months these things just don't go away, I should have known better, have had the exact same problem before.
Work has been really stressful lately, and every time I close my eyes I'm in this half awake half asleep dream all jumbled up with things from work. Now in a panic because a) I can't sleep and need to go to work tomorrow b) buses are my main panic trigger so I'm now worrying I'll get an attack on the bus to work tomorrow, which I'm stuck on for about an hour c) I've had a stomach upset and I get really nauseaous in panic attacks which is making me worry about throwing up while being out by myself (this has happened once before when I was actually ill, I was by myself, no-one stopped to help me and it's part of what I think started all my panic attacks) and d) if I don't make it in tomorrow, everyone will just think I'm hungover, so while normally I could tell myself if the panic is really bad I'll just work from home, or call in sick or go in later, I can't do this tomorrow. Just the usual story really. Not sure what I'm looking for, I've been through this all before, just need to vent. Can't sleep.
Have forced myself to get through panic attacks on the bus many times, even though I've wanted to get off or thinking I've come really close to throwing up. It's just worse when there's physical symptoms like tonight, as the 'what if I actually am physically ill and I need to throw up / go to the bathroom' thought creep in.:weep: My own stupid fault for having some wine, doesn't matter how careful I am not to drink to excess, the worry in my mind of even one drink does it. Even after months these things just don't go away, I should have known better, have had the exact same problem before.