Food for thought

[onceagain]

Evening everyone, sorry for such late post but those of you that know me know that when it hits it hits big time.

I am in a state, I really don't know what to feel, think or believe anymore. I am told by the doctors and my therapist that I'm not mad, not even slightly insane but sometimes I feel like I'm stepping over that line. I'm told that I need to believe in what I see, feel and believe and that others make me feel inadequate through their behaviour..

Then I'm told by others that I am kind, thoughtful and a nice person and others tell me that I'm insane, imagine things and that the problems are all mine.

I think that to the best of my knowledge and believe that when I care for things or people that I give them my all.. no half measures though I do not give to many people ( what I mean is that I do not give the real me to many people as I have been hurt, humilated and let down so many times that I find it easier to hide behind a keep away mask, either by being pleasantly distant in a neighbourly way or by being back off don't come near) but those that are let in are let in slowly cautiously and then whole heartedly...

I just need to ask others view really ...can trust be rebuilt? you know if someone lets you down, lies or withholds something that has hurt you... is it really bad to have mistrust but still care or does it make you not care because you mistrust...and how can trust be rebuilt ...looking at both sides... is it bad to question when in doubt and is it bad to ask the same question if still not sure...

I have worked hard since my breakdown and consider myself hardworking, loyal and sincere ...but I do feel more and more as if I the person is being lost in trying to be someone I'm not and tiptoeing round things because it may unsteady the balance that makes others happy as long as I just have my doubts and fears (mistrust) silently...

I'm not good with people in the sense that I give what I feel I can handle them having from me...but never opening up in a way that they can get truly close...because those that have been let in ..have hurt me in word, action and withheld words...not paranoid it has happened..lol

What is worse someone who lies or someone who mistrusts following a lie...someone who questions or someone who gets angry for being asked a question?

right I'm going to end now before this turns into a novel...any input is good...

one more question what is worse a liar or a cheat? in any action not just romance... thankyou

[PanchoGoz]

How long is a piace of string?
These are all questions you need to find out for yourself. Everyone has a different opinion. You have a lot on your mind. You need to stop dwelling on things.
Maybe a change of scene would do you good, or talking to someone about this.
On the issue of insanity, I hereby diagnose you sane. The fact you are contemplating whether you are sane rules out the possibility of you being insane. You sound perfectly sane to me! The question over madness is hot in a lot of anxious people on this forum, and none of us is in an asylum yet. Hooray!

[*Monica*]

Sharon...your post really struck a chord with me as it is so similar to how i feel much of the time that it could have been written by me. It sounds as though you have been let down and lied to so often by anyone you let get close that now you find it almost impossible to trust anyone.I would like to say this gets easier with time but from my own experience it doesnt, you just have to try and trust your instincts...if something doesnt feel quite right then chances are it isnt and the only person you can rely on 100% to never let you down is yourself. Your question as to whether a liar or a cheat is worse.....a liar will cheat and a cheater will lie, a genuine friend will do neither.I have been constantly lied to by everyone I have ever held dear and as a result I have bad issues with trust and find it almost impossible. I have also been told I "think too much and am paranoid" only to have any suspicions id had confirmed so I knew i wasnt imagining anything at all. My current setback has been caused by somebody so very special to me once again feeding me a whole lot of untruths and lies and I just feel that enough is enough and this time I dont think ill ever risk letting my guard down again for another person. I dont think iv been much help have I, sorry:hugs:but your not the only person who feels the way you do and I really dont know the way forward. I much prefer animals to people...my one true friend who never ever lets me down is my dog.I hope someone posts something on your thread that ends up helping us both. xx

[suzy-sue]

Hi Sharon .I think I understand what you mean so will give you a quick response to some of your questions .
I am in a state, I really don't know what to feel, think or believe anymore. I am told by the doctors and my therapist that I'm not mad, not even slightly insane but sometimes I feel like I'm stepping over that line. I'm told that I need to believe in what I see, feel and believe and that others make me feel inadequate through their behaviour..
Trust your inner feelings and your Dr and Therapist .You know deep down they are right .
Then I'm told by others that I am kind, thoughtful and a nice person and others tell me that I'm insane, imagine things and that the problems are all mine.

I think that to the best of my knowledge and believe that when I care for things or people that I give them my all.. no half measures though I do not give to many people ( what I mean is that I do not give the real me to many people as I have been hurt, humilated and let down so many times that I find it easier to hide behind a keep away mask, either by being pleasantly distant in a neighbourly way or by being back off don't come near) but those that are let in are let in slowly cautiously and then whole heartedly...
When you have been constantly let down and badly hurt you are bound to feel like you do .This is perfectly a normal reaction .
I just need to ask others view really ...can trust be rebuilt? you know if someone lets you down, lies or withholds something that has hurt you... is it really bad to have mistrust but still care or does it make you not care because you mistrust...and how can trust be rebuilt ...looking at both sides... is it bad to question when in doubt and is it bad to ask the same question if still not sure...It can to some degree but it isnt easy and there will always be an elemnt of distrust .If there isnt trust on both sides there will be problems caring completely again .Many say WITHOUT TRUST YOU HAVE NOTHING . Its like looking thru a Broken Mirror ,Its never the same somehow .I do believe this to be true .
I have worked hard since my breakdown and consider myself hardworking, loyal and sincere ...but I do feel more and more as if I the person is being lost in trying to be someone I'm not and tiptoeing round things because it may unsteady the balance that makes others happy as long as I just have my doubts and fears (mistrust) silently...
Living like that is like treading on eggs shells .IF you need t o ask the odd question it should be answered ,It will reassure you .But if you need to constantly ask the same questions and arent get reassured its not going to help Going on and on will only drive you apart .Some people just cant be trusted and you shouldnt ever do something thats making you feel constantly distressed to keep someone else happy .Its give and take .Tryin to get the Trust back again will take a lot of effort from Both of you .Its not something you can do by bottling things up and doing it on your own .It will take two people to fix it .Fix it is possible, but it will feel like a precious piece of porcelaine stuck back together .It will never be like i was .Only time will disguise the crack .Provided it doesnt get broken again .
I'm not good with people in the sense that I give what I feel I can handle them having from me...but never opening up in a way that they can get truly close...because those that have been let in ..have hurt me in word, action and withheld words...not paranoid it has happened..lol
I believe you need to be able to talk about things .Lack of communication can be worse than words you dont want to hear .
What is worse someone who lies or someone who mistrusts following a lie...someone who questions or someone who gets angry for being asked a question?
Like I said ,it depends how many times you ask the question .It can be quite detrimental to keep asking the same one time and time again .
right I'm going to end now before this turns into a novel...any input is good...

one more question what is worse a liar or a cheat? in any action not just romance... thankyou
Cheats lie .So they are equally as bad .But if someone lies with good intention thats a different matter .If someone is lying to save themselves or to avoid the truth coming out because it would be bad for them ,They are as bad as a cheat IMO . I hope this wasnt too hard to understand and I was thinking on the right track Sharon .Im sorry you are feeling bad again and hope you manage to make the best decision for YOU . Just thought Id add .".somethings really arent worth trying to fix .tc Sue xx:hugs:

[paula lynne]

A wise woman told me..."Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me!"
I do believe trust can be rebuilt but it depends if all parties are willing to put in the effort to repair the damage. I wish you well x:)
(Excellent post by Suzy sue there..) x

[suzy-sue]

Thanks Paula ..Good quote ..:yesyes:x

[onceagain]

Thank you all for your replies. My mind still boggling but it seems that the fight and struggle to rebuild has finally come to an end. I'm intending to self commit on Monday... If I come out the other side then may I be a stronger bolder person..but my trust in people I truly believe has come to an end ... it seems that only those with insight to how I feel make sense. Sue you are right it is the same questions over and over and my mind has never come away feeling safe and secure ... thank you... Monica, thank you... I hope that someone one day lets you rebuild a trust ... I've decided that I'm just no good at it..so girlie please do better than me; and Paula you are right..I'm simply self torturing .. I know deep down what the truth is but always hoped that the other person would want me as much as I wanted them... so yep more fool me...biggest thanks x