Feeling sorry for myself and so tired

[gary_2.0]

Feeling a little sorry for myself. I know I shouldn't, moreover I don't like to.

I feel friendless and alone, abandoned and unloved. See? What a misery.

Recently finished with my girlfriend of around 10 months. Bizarre ending: It was like Invaders of the Body Snatchers. Mind you she does suffer with multiple personality disorder - or is histrionic personality disorder, I forget which? She has a lot of problems so I shouldn't be surprised, but I thought, 'At last I've found someone who accepts me for who I am - anxiety and all.' Because the change was almost instantaneous, it came as quite a shock. We were very close and talked about everything. To have that vanish overnight is awful. On top of that, I was suffering badly with Sciatica and my Mum was in the hospital, so had no one to turn to. These things always come at once don't they? Why the hell is that?

Anyway, so now I'm at that stage of feeling abandoned and mourning the loss of a really good friend as well as partner. We helped each other out a lot you see so it's left a huge void. And I miss her dog!

Please, don't tell me, 'You'll get over it', 'You'll find someone else', and other cliches. I know they're sincere, but they don't work on me. I'm just trying to get this out of my head - sorry.

I have plans - goals - for this year and had hoped to share them. Now I have to manage alone, again, and it's so tiring. I'm not getting any younger!

Thanks for reading this. Hope it makes sense. I's a very condensed version obviously. I love NMP. It's always good to know you lot are here. :yesyes: Please excuse me if I don't acknowledge any replies immediately, I really need to sleep. :sleep:

[paula lynne]

This is all to do with your recent break up I think. I will not tell you to just get over it. Its like someone has ripped a piece of you away...it hurts. Yes, time will help. But if there is no way you can reconcile, you have to go through the grieving process....it may take a while. Then, when you feel like you can, start making plans and try and acheive your goals. You had a life before your partner, you will again. You will be ok in a little while, dont give up x

[bluesparkle]

gary
sending you lots of :hugs::hugs::hugs:
i know that prob doesnt help right now ...
you are not friendless... although i know what you mean by it feeling like it.
you should have given me a shout, i will always listen...
i didnt even realise all this was going on ...but know how you feel (apart from the physical pain).
keep in touch
rach
x

[ElizabethJane]

Hugs Gary I'm sorry to hear that you have broken up with your girlfriend. EJ.

[eeyorelover]

You're NOT feeling sorry for yourself! You've got sooo much going on right now! No wonder you're tired! More like physically and emotionally exhausted! Take some time to re-energize and heal!
Much love and positive energy from me headed your way!!!
(((HUGS)))
xxx
Sandy

[Aurora86]

Hi Gary,

I'm new to this forum and just read your post. I'm sorry to hear you are having a bad time at the moment. A relationship break-up can feel like a bereavement, and there's no quick fixes. However, you need to try to keep yourself busy. When I went through a bad break-up a few years ago, it was the memories of the relationship that I couldn't get out of my head. It's hard when you have invested so much time into a person/rel'ship. Try to keep busy and create new happy memories for yourself. Stick to your plans/goals, and try to achieve them for yourself.

I really hope you feel a little better soon.

Laura x

[suzy-sue]

:bighug1:Sorry Gary x Hope you feel better soon .Luv Sue xx:bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1:

[gary_2.0]

Sorry Rachel, I'm not very good at asking for help and it's the old guilt-trip of, 'not wanting to bother anyone, even though I trust you and know you're sincere'. x

I've taken note of all your kind words. Thank you everyone. I really do appreciate it. :hugs:

I'm doing my best to move forward. At the moment it's like having a bad hangover and thinking, Never again!' :)

[RosieXXX]

:hugs::hugs:xxx

[gary_2.0]

Thanks Helen. :)

[Anxious_gal]

you will eventually start feeling better, you'll eventually have some ok days then some better day and still some sad days :hugs:
I wish there was an easy way to make the pain go away but time will help , so will loving yourself x

[gary_2.0]

Thank you mishel. I know you're right. :)

[JT69]

Time is a healer Gary...take care and thinking of you.....better times ahead!!!

Jo.xx

[gary_2.0]

Had a most wonderful time yesterday, though tiring, when my Niece and her adorable 4 year old daughter came to visit. Along with my Mum, we spent the day at Lee-on-Solent beach. A day at the seaside is always good, with family you love - even better. :)

I was also hoping to go out today to a music event in Southsea, but but a combination of Sciatica pain and tiredness from the day before prevented that. The invite itself is a morale boost, so not so bad.

Jo:
Yes you're right: Must keep looking forward. Thank you Jo. x

Mike:
Spot on. Distraction is best. I used to love magic myself - as a child it was my first thing I wanted to be when I grew up. Best of luck, it's an ideal physical/mental discipline. It once took me well over 3 years to get over someone, so I know how that feels. It will get easier Mike - honestly.

[SHYGIRLAJB]

Hi Gary

Sorry, hun. :hugs:

I am glad that you had a good time with the family and things. What sort of hobbies are you interested in ??. Sorry for the questions.

Aww sorry that you couldn't go out to the music event, I sort of having problems with sciatica myself which is a real PAIN... How long have you had it for. Just was wondering.

Anita.

[gary_2.0]

Hi Anita, I've had the sciatic pain for around 6 months, and it's been getting steadily worse to the point where I can barely walk. I'd suffered a slipped disc in the months proceeding that, and the back pain had virtually gone, but obviously things were just readjusted themselves. How do you cope, and what have you been prescribed? I'm on Co-Codamol and Diclofenac, which isn't doing much to help, but hopefully I can change to something more effective shortly.

I enjoy photography but haven't been able to get out much at all recently. Thinking about getting a car.

[SHYGIRLAJB]

Hi Gary

I think a couple of months so far, hmm. I can walk, its just very painful at times. Some days its not so bad, others well. hmm.

How do I cope, hmmm well I think I complain and moan a lot, as I don't do pain whats so ever. I am taking Solpadol 30/500 mg caplets and diclofenac, it sort of eases the pain normally. I normally get this achey pain plus like constant pain down my legs. The meds sort of makes the achey pain go away, but unfortunately that wasn't the case today.

Hugs that must be awful for you, being in so much pain you can barely walk. Have they offered you physio or anything?? . Are you in this much pain all of the time, or does it like change, like some days not so bad etc.

If so, could you perhaps do something to do with photography on a good day. hmm. Sorry only suggestions.

Anita.

[Spongeballz]

Having read through your post, I have decided that there is a simple cure for you Gary my friend - Chocolate. Chocolate is your friend, chocolate is your comfort and chocolate is a healer :)

:P On a serious note though, sorry to hear you're going through the motions mate, hope it gets easier soon, and as you know, NMP will always be here to help you :)

P.S. Chocolate, seriously ;)
P.P.S. Jusst kidding :)

[gary_2.0]

@SHYGIRLAJB: The pain is non-stop :/ I was taking 50mg of Diclofenac three times a day, but it wasn't doing anything, so I doubled it and that did seem to start taking effect. However, GP has given me Tramadol now, but can't judge just yet if it'll be an improvement.

@Spongeballz: Thanks for your kinds words m8. Mmm, chocolate. Good idea :)


On the plus side I have been invited out this weekend, but it all depends on how I feel. Still it's nice to be asked, I can appreciate that much, even if I don't make it. At the moment I'm spending my time watching films and writing.

[SHYGIRLAJB]

@SHYGIRLAJB: The pain is non-stop :/ I was taking 50mg of Diclofenac three times a day, but it wasn't doing anything, so I doubled it and that did seem to start taking effect. However, GP has given me Tramadol now, but can't judge just yet if it'll be an improvement.

@Spongeballz: Thanks for your kinds words m8. Mmm, chocolate. Good idea :)


On the plus side I have been invited out this weekend, but it all depends on how I feel. Still it's nice to be asked, I can appreciate that much, even if I don't make it. At the moment I'm spending my time watching films and
writing.


Sorry to hear that, hugs. I hope the Tramadol eases something. Can you like try and go out, if you can't manage the whole night come home. Sorry its only a suggestion or what not.

[gary_2.0]

To update:
In the end I had to call for an ambulance and spent most of the day in A&E, where they were quite emphatic about how badly I'd been treated by local GP surgery.

I'm now receiving Physiotherapy and on the drug front, Oramorph, which is Morphine Sulphate.

So my drug regime is now

Oramorph,
Co-codamol,
Diclofenac,
Diazepam,
plus my usual Effexor (Venlafaxine) for Anxiety.


The pain can still be bad some days, but thankfully nothing like it was before. The worst point was being strapped to a chair and carried downstairs to be switched to a stretcher before going into the ambulance. The gave me gas and air, but the pain was excruciating. I didn't know whether to scream, cry or just pass out. In fact I was probably in danger of hyperventilating on that gas and air supply.

The Physiotherapy has been going great and I'm seeing real progress - need all the drugs at the moment still, but at least things are under control. Unless you count today.

With all the pain from the Sciatica, I think my head had forgotten about my anxiety, but today I don't feel good at all, so had to re-arrange my appointment for today to Friday. They were very nice about it, and I still count this as a success, because I'm not comfortable on the phone normally when it comes to 'official things like this'. Mind you, I was also let down by two different people last week who were going to visit, so that's not helped my self-esteem. I'm sure we're all familiar with the, 'Friends who disappear when you're ill' scenario, aren't we?

It's taken a long time - more like a battle in fact - to get to this point, and I'm sure it'll take many more months yet before I'm totally mobile. What I crave most is being able to sit down for longer than just a few minutes at a time. Having to write things like this, lying down on my side, is really uncomfortable and frustrating.

However I want to repeat the big thank to all who replied to my thread. You're all a tremendous help as always. :hugs: