how to cope with break up :(

[missykat]

me and my partner have been together 3 years. we have a 16 month old girl together. things were going good untill this year. we could not get on, started to resent each other and finally just sit in the same room and not say a word. he never spent time with us, always out with his mates and drinking etc. i hated been left alone each weekend wile he done what he likes. i asked him to leave last week and he would not so he is gone for good today, he took everything and made a scene, in front of our daughter! its was heart breaking. i just dont know how to put ona brave front for her :weep: im falling to pieces at the moment and its soooo hard. i feel so lonely aswel. one minute im angry the next crying, i cant keep this up with my baby watching. i wanna be strong for her but i dont know how.

[missykat]

i feel like giving up i really do. this just seems to difficult for me to deal with at the minute.

[Eva May]

Missy do you have any family close by? Or good friends? Lean on them that's what they're there for and they will want to help. Really sorry your going through this

[missykat]

yes i have family and friends close by, my mother was around has just gone now. im lucky i have them around i suppose. im still feeling awful the minute she left i started crying again :( i cannot believe its over even tho i made that choice im thinking maybe i was drastic? its early days tho, and i obviously have to go tru this everybody does but why do i feel so darn down and depressed?? :(

[Tyke]

Hi Missy

It might not seem like this at the moment, but things will get better as time passes. Your daughter is very young, so she won't understand what's going on, which is a good thing in many ways. Just try and keep things as normal as you can for her. Get all the help and support you can from family and friends. Perhaps they could help look after your daughter a little to give you a little break now and again?

Only you can say if your actions were too drastic on your ex-partner. Would there be any point in you both going for relationship counselling? Is it worth saving? If things were good in the past, could they be like that again, or is it really all over and you just find it hard to let go of something that has been a big part of your life for the last 3 years?

Go easy on yourself, you will get through this.

Tyke

[gary_2.0]

Try not to spend much time alone, because you'll just go over and over events in your mind. Seek company and find distraction in anything. Also ensure you eat & drink healthy food because stress and depression takes its toll on us physically, so you must especially maintain your health.

I understand how everything seems incredibly bleak now. Time and looking after yourself will help. Keep talking too, both here and with friends and family. :hugs:

[Anxious_gal]

ok first off it's normal to feel awful.
you both love and hate this man. you love him but hate what he does.
write down a list of everything you like and dislike about him, then write down he made me you feel, then write an angry letter, get all your rage out then burn the letter.
you are going to go through a cycle of emotions, mainly loss, sadness, hurt,confusion and rage.
it would be a great thing to surround your self with people you care about.
remember you deserve better, and that man was not meeting all of your needs.
it will take a while for the dust to settle and even longer for old resentments to fully heal.
just do things you enjoy and be good to yourself :hugs:
you have to get through this for your self and for your daughter , maybe you might need a little bit of help, but can do it :)

[missykat]

Hi Missy

It might not seem like this at the moment, but things will get better as time passes. Your daughter is very young, so she won't understand what's going on, which is a good thing in many ways. Just try and keep things as normal as you can for her. Get all the help and support you can from family and friends. Perhaps they could help look after your daughter a little to give you a little break now and again?

Only you can say if your actions were too drastic on your ex-partner. Would there be any point in you both going for relationship counselling? Is it worth saving? If things were good in the past, could they be like that again, or is it really all over and you just find it hard to let go of something that has been a big part of your life for the last 3 years?

Go easy on yourself, you will get through this.

Tyke

its more of the loss im feeling, for my daughter more so. i feel she knows eactly whats happening right now. my family are great and are around, my mother took my daughter lastnight so i cud rest and let my emotions out alone.


thanks to u guys for ure advice and support :) i must say lastnight was pretty rough, i kept waking up and then it wud hit me and i wud cry. i only felt good wen i wasnt awake. i feel terrible. lost, alone and hopeless! i know in time it will get better, but for now i hate how i feel.

[sarahblonde32]

Hi,

Know you how feel, its been a year since my break up, though we knew it wasnt working, it is the loss you feel,and most of this year i have cried, written letters (he hasnt answered) wondered what i did, blamed other women, been through denial, hate, anger, missing him all of it. It takes a while and it hurts, bad, especially at night, when you cant sleep, tossing and turning, when your face hurts with crying and you dont know what to do. but you will get through it, you will come out of the other side, better. Use your friends and family. I tried to think of it as a ladder, take one rung at a time. If you cant resolve it with him (Does he want to talk?) then accept its over, get rid of his stuff and concentrate on your daughter and you. dont do what i have been doing and hounding him with texts and letters! now he just hates me!!

good luck, you know where we are and people understand how you feel.
take care sarah xx

[Tyke]

Hi Missy

If your ex had a good relationship with your daughter, there's no reason to think that he won't continue with this if you can sort something out regarding access. Most dads would not want to lose touch with their children. If on the other hand he wasn't good for her and would only let her down then she is better off without him anyway in the long run.

If you don't feel you are coping it might be worth seeing your doctor. There may be counselling or medication such as antidepressants available if you feel you need it. Sometimes medication can really help tide you over a bad patch, but it's not for everyone and antidepressants can take a while to work.

Good luck
Tyke

[missykat]

yes he has a really great relationship with her :) which im very happy about, if he didnt i would be much more hurt! yesterday he came around to put her to bed and read her stories, it was hard to see him go again tho but i kept my head up and didnt let it show i was upset. he hugged me when he left i wonder why... i dont regret telling him to go because i really thought this tru. but it still stings to miss him around. i dont think i need extra help with medicine , i think this is something everybody must do on there own even tho its really really hard! lastnight it was a bit better on me i slept quite well woke up feeling both happy and sad, a little tear here and there but im getting there. as soon as i see my little girls smile in the morning it all seems better :) thanks everybody for your much appreciated input xxxx