Melon1
24-04-11, 12:13
Hello Everyone. My name is Helen. I am 36 years old, married with two gorgeous daughters. I have been thinking about posting a thread for two years now and things have come to such a head that this has to be the time for me to share things with you all and hopefully get some help and advice.
I have severe Health Anxiety. I have found NMP such a help to dip into over the last few years, at times when I feel as if I am going crazy... which is quite often. I can spend hours trawling through the posts trying to reassure myself.
I would say over the two years, I have had 4 serious bouts of health anxiety. I honestly can't think of a trigger that started it all off, but I think it was partly thanks to doctor google. I had a pain in my side and lower back and abdominal area. I googled and it came up with Ovarian cancer! I was so frightened. I went to my doctor who thought it was a touch of IBS due to stress and worrying etc. This mildly reassured me, but that evening I panicked big time. I phoned my mum at 6am the following morning, begging and crying at her to come to the doctors with me. She did and even though my doctor was sure it was nothing, as I was in such a state, she sent me to A&E, where they saw me and did an ultrasound. This showed up absolutely nothing. The pains went away a few days later.
I am an educated girl and deep down, know that all my symptoms could be anxiety, but I am always so worried, what if this time it's for real?! So, I always have to check things out and worry incessantly making me ill in the meantime and feeling every twitch, twinge movement in my body. I can't think about anything else.
Luckily my husband is amazing. I feel as if I have ruined his Easter weekend, as have been in floods of tears for most of it. Every time I look at my children, I imagine them without a mum... I am almost crying now writing this. My children are 5 and 3, and I keep thinking, if I can live until they are 18 and off to Uni, then at least they will be grown up and able to fend for themselves a bit.... What am I like!!!!
I look at happy people enjoying themselves without a care in the world and I am so jealous. I used to be like that. I have travelled the world, worked in lots of different countries and experienced life and loved it. I work now as a letting agent, from home and it is the perfect job which I can work around my children. I just want to be happy again, so that I can play with my children and have a laugh with my husband. He must be so fed up with me.
About a year ago, I felt as if I had breathing difficulties, so immediately assumed 'LUng cancer'!! I was convinced, so ended up having a chest xray...which of course showed nothing.
I have felt anxiety rising over the last few weeks. I live in a small village where everyone knows everyone and sometimes I feel a bit exposed by it all. On the school run you always have to have a smile and be chatty and sometimes I really dont feel like it.....I over analyse everything I say and do, and feel that I can't act normally anymore. This is affecting my personality... I just wish I could relax again.
Anyway, I started feeling pain in my abdomen about a week ago. It started as if it was period pains (no period) and then went into my lower back. It also then felt as if there was a pressure pushing down into my bladder, womb & vaginal area and rectum... Its really hard to explain. I also kept feeling sick...... Of course, I couldn't help but google and it brought up Ovarian cancer... which freaked me out again!! I then started to get a bit of leg pain and that is also a sign.
To try to cut the story short, I went to see my doctor and burst into tears...she did a pelvic examination, but couldn't feel anything. She said she really believed that I was fine and this was brought on by anxiety. She booked me in for an ultrasound just to put my mind at rest. She also prescribed me some tablets for IBS, which I haven't started taking yet. This reassured me for about an hour, but then I started freaking out again and believing that she just thinks I have anxiety and hasn't taken me seriously.
Yesterday, Easter saturday, I couldn't take it anymore, so took myself off to A&E. I was a right mess. I felt the doctors thought that I was a nutcase. I explained my fears and said that I needed an ultrasound there and then to put my mind at rest. He said that he truly did not believe there was anything wrong after another pelvic examination and said I should wait for my appointment to come through. I went home yesterday feeling completely drained.
My poor children have a fruitcake for a mum... I played with them in the garden yesterday and really made an effort, but not once did my health anxiety subside. I went to bed really early last night in tears. I am starting to think that maybe I will be okay with this... But I now have extreme anxiety about my anxiety and worry it won't subside.!!!
I don't want to be like this and need to find a way out.... I tried CBT about a year ago, but really didn't like being in a big group of people. I am neither particularly loud or quiet as a person, but just sat in the corner and didn't interact. I kept thinking, this isn't relevant to me and a lot of the exercises were to capture negative thoughts and act on them in a written process.... I have so many negative thoughts, I would be doing it all day, and don't have the time.
I have bought CBT for dummies, which is okay, but again, you have to spend a lot of time training your mind and it is not really working for me. Another book I have been highly recommended and the reviews on amazon are amazing is "self help for you nerves' by Dr Claire Weeks. I have ordered it today (its' only £4) and am willing to give anything a go.
I am also thinking about trying a therapist... I tried one just before Christmas, but wasn't that impressed. I need to find one who specialises in health anxiety.
I have such a lump in my throat today and feel so tense. I have the house to myself; My husband has taken the kids out to give me some space... I should be with them having fun!! I will have to wait at least a few weeks before I have my ultrasound. Worry Worry Worry! My abdomen still hurts and pushes down. I am going to desperately try to not think about the pain and see if it subsides....
Sorry for my rant.... any advice or help would be so appreciated... have a lovely Easter Sunday.
Helen XX
I have severe Health Anxiety. I have found NMP such a help to dip into over the last few years, at times when I feel as if I am going crazy... which is quite often. I can spend hours trawling through the posts trying to reassure myself.
I would say over the two years, I have had 4 serious bouts of health anxiety. I honestly can't think of a trigger that started it all off, but I think it was partly thanks to doctor google. I had a pain in my side and lower back and abdominal area. I googled and it came up with Ovarian cancer! I was so frightened. I went to my doctor who thought it was a touch of IBS due to stress and worrying etc. This mildly reassured me, but that evening I panicked big time. I phoned my mum at 6am the following morning, begging and crying at her to come to the doctors with me. She did and even though my doctor was sure it was nothing, as I was in such a state, she sent me to A&E, where they saw me and did an ultrasound. This showed up absolutely nothing. The pains went away a few days later.
I am an educated girl and deep down, know that all my symptoms could be anxiety, but I am always so worried, what if this time it's for real?! So, I always have to check things out and worry incessantly making me ill in the meantime and feeling every twitch, twinge movement in my body. I can't think about anything else.
Luckily my husband is amazing. I feel as if I have ruined his Easter weekend, as have been in floods of tears for most of it. Every time I look at my children, I imagine them without a mum... I am almost crying now writing this. My children are 5 and 3, and I keep thinking, if I can live until they are 18 and off to Uni, then at least they will be grown up and able to fend for themselves a bit.... What am I like!!!!
I look at happy people enjoying themselves without a care in the world and I am so jealous. I used to be like that. I have travelled the world, worked in lots of different countries and experienced life and loved it. I work now as a letting agent, from home and it is the perfect job which I can work around my children. I just want to be happy again, so that I can play with my children and have a laugh with my husband. He must be so fed up with me.
About a year ago, I felt as if I had breathing difficulties, so immediately assumed 'LUng cancer'!! I was convinced, so ended up having a chest xray...which of course showed nothing.
I have felt anxiety rising over the last few weeks. I live in a small village where everyone knows everyone and sometimes I feel a bit exposed by it all. On the school run you always have to have a smile and be chatty and sometimes I really dont feel like it.....I over analyse everything I say and do, and feel that I can't act normally anymore. This is affecting my personality... I just wish I could relax again.
Anyway, I started feeling pain in my abdomen about a week ago. It started as if it was period pains (no period) and then went into my lower back. It also then felt as if there was a pressure pushing down into my bladder, womb & vaginal area and rectum... Its really hard to explain. I also kept feeling sick...... Of course, I couldn't help but google and it brought up Ovarian cancer... which freaked me out again!! I then started to get a bit of leg pain and that is also a sign.
To try to cut the story short, I went to see my doctor and burst into tears...she did a pelvic examination, but couldn't feel anything. She said she really believed that I was fine and this was brought on by anxiety. She booked me in for an ultrasound just to put my mind at rest. She also prescribed me some tablets for IBS, which I haven't started taking yet. This reassured me for about an hour, but then I started freaking out again and believing that she just thinks I have anxiety and hasn't taken me seriously.
Yesterday, Easter saturday, I couldn't take it anymore, so took myself off to A&E. I was a right mess. I felt the doctors thought that I was a nutcase. I explained my fears and said that I needed an ultrasound there and then to put my mind at rest. He said that he truly did not believe there was anything wrong after another pelvic examination and said I should wait for my appointment to come through. I went home yesterday feeling completely drained.
My poor children have a fruitcake for a mum... I played with them in the garden yesterday and really made an effort, but not once did my health anxiety subside. I went to bed really early last night in tears. I am starting to think that maybe I will be okay with this... But I now have extreme anxiety about my anxiety and worry it won't subside.!!!
I don't want to be like this and need to find a way out.... I tried CBT about a year ago, but really didn't like being in a big group of people. I am neither particularly loud or quiet as a person, but just sat in the corner and didn't interact. I kept thinking, this isn't relevant to me and a lot of the exercises were to capture negative thoughts and act on them in a written process.... I have so many negative thoughts, I would be doing it all day, and don't have the time.
I have bought CBT for dummies, which is okay, but again, you have to spend a lot of time training your mind and it is not really working for me. Another book I have been highly recommended and the reviews on amazon are amazing is "self help for you nerves' by Dr Claire Weeks. I have ordered it today (its' only £4) and am willing to give anything a go.
I am also thinking about trying a therapist... I tried one just before Christmas, but wasn't that impressed. I need to find one who specialises in health anxiety.
I have such a lump in my throat today and feel so tense. I have the house to myself; My husband has taken the kids out to give me some space... I should be with them having fun!! I will have to wait at least a few weeks before I have my ultrasound. Worry Worry Worry! My abdomen still hurts and pushes down. I am going to desperately try to not think about the pain and see if it subsides....
Sorry for my rant.... any advice or help would be so appreciated... have a lovely Easter Sunday.
Helen XX