How can I make friends?

[aislynn]

I'm lonley a lot of the time. My husband works shifts, i'm estranged from my family and I have no firends.

How on earth do you make friends at 47 yo ?

[honeyp1e]

am the same my boyfriend works & am always stuck in the house and don't see anyone or go anywhere it does get lonely & makes me more depressed or anxious how about pen pals on here or chat room etc.... this is what i try and do & it does help me x

[jill]

Hi hun :D:hugs:

I am sorry to hear how lonely you can feel :hugs:

HAY, I am 47 years YOUNG, just like you :yesyes:

It can be hard meeting new friends, not sure how your anxiety effects you hun, if it effects you going out or meeting new people.

It is true that the net can help with this, this site alone can help you find friends, even after time you can meet up with them. I have read many meet ups on hear and they ALL have had a great time.

Do you and hubby go out much? does your hubby have friends with wives or partners. I met my best friend through my hubbby, it was his mates wife, there not together now, BUT she is still my best friend. I ring her most nights for a long chat, hehe, my hubby always asks what we chat about, LOL

In schools they do free courses, eg, flower arranging, art, sign language and others, I did sign language for awhile, met a lot of new people and had fun, but had to stop because of family issues.

By ours they also do walking clubs, this does cost a small amount, but you can meet up with other people and go for long walks. I have seen them all meet up at out local train station, had a work with one of there members and they said, some people do come alone one there walks, BUT there not alone for long.

There is a church by my mums who do tea mornings, now I did go there with mum and other people were just a little older than me, but I did have a good time, check whats going on around you area.

What about voluntary work, in a local charity shop, or your local school, years ago, you could go into school and help the kids to read, get involved with Christmas fairs, summer fairs, just an idea how to meet people.

You can meet new people when you go on hols, do you go on holidays

These are just a few ideas hun,

YOU TAKE CARE

LOVE JILL XX

[gary_2.0]

You could try organising an NMP meet-up in your area. I've made good lasting friendships that way.

How about social groups related to an interest like, amateur dramatics, photography, some sort of arts and craft? Anything that you might have just a small interest or curiosity in could get you mingling with others.

Adult Education runs classes that extend beyond qualificational subjects. They do a lot of fun and hobby-type groups.

There's also a website called meetup.com where individuals organise get-togethers. Not used them yet, but they look ok.

Best wishes to you both. x :)

[paula lynne]

Just wanted to say hi! Im 40, and due to anxiety and agoraphobia, I feel isolated a lot of the time. Lost all my nursing friends years ago....Ive got one or two good friends that Im gratefull for, but its hard and I know where your coming from. I think Jills advice is fantastic, and cant add anything to it....hope you find some nice new pals soon. Take care, Paula x:hugs:

[Spy]

Hi Aislynn,

I'm in a similar situation, I had a recent relapse of agoraphobia and I'm limited to being able to go a few minutes from home at the moment, both of my closest friends have recently left the country to live abroad and at 39 I've suddenly found myself with no close friends anywhere near. Its hard because I have no partner and family aren't nearby either but I think that connecting with new people on line is a start! If you are able to do a course at your local college its a great way to meet new people xx

[aislynn]

thanks everyone,

I am going to enroll in a course, that should help.
I have really stupid thoughts, everyone hates me, everyone is laughing at me , that sort of thing.

[jill]

Hi hun :D:hugs:

Its good to hear your going to enroll in a course :hugs::yesyes:

***I have really stupid thoughts, everyone hates me, everyone is laughing at me***

Ohhh PLEASE don't be to hard on yourself, thoughts like these ARE symptoms of anxiety, if you really thought about just how much someone thinks about you, you will understand and be surprised, THEY don't. most people are rapped up with themselves, to even give you a negative judgment like that AND those who do think of another person in that way, have issues of there own they NEED to address, so, either feel sorry for them, OR they are just horrible and you would not want them for a friend anyway.

Has these types of thoughts just happened since anxiety has reared its ugly head? or was you a little bit like this before?

Thoughts, horrible, negative scary thoughts ARE a symptoms of anxiety, please try and see this, its a symptom of what you have (anxiety) and you can learn how to address this.

You confidence has been knocked because of anxiety, doing a course can help with this. Do you have low self a steam ? You can work on this too, there lots a great info on this site about this and over the net, all worth reading, it is dame hard work, but what I found, if I had something to work on in a slow proses, this helped me move forward.

I had similar thoughts like yours, I built my confidence bit by bit, doing little things, going out my way to talk to old dears on a train,I do get the train a lot, asking how there day was, MORE talking about them and listening to them, I would always finish off by saying, "you look after yourself and have a nice day" sometimes they tell me there problems, Mmm very sad really, but this help me count my blessing more.

These types of thoughts are not silly hun, there anxiety thoughts and its what you have, anxiety FOR NOW, NOT forever, it is very helpful if you can see your thoughts like a symptom, that one day, they will go away, but for now, you will address them one by one and learn how to change them.

Changing the way we think about anxiety and other things, helps us move forward, but its not easy changing the way we think, it takes a lot of hard work, on your part, time and the right support.

I did have a link to another site that helped with changing thought pattens, Mmmm will have to go look into my past history, not sure where it is :doh:

I do hope this has been of some help, even if its knowing your not alone and anxiety does cause thoughts like these.

YOU TAKE CARE

LOVE JILL XXX

[jill]

Hi hun :D:hugs:

Hear is the link, Ohh goodness, had to go over my history to find it, hahah

http://www.panic-and-anxiety-attacks...-thoughts.html

You do have to read through it and click to turn pages to read more, I found this a very good read and helpful, but hard work.

Hope this helps you like it helped me

LOVE JILL XXX

[Bill]

I've no idea because I've never found the answer to finding local friends either no matter what I try. The only very few friends I have are from here but barring the very rare precious opportunity even they only exist in written form or in a pic. I only really get reminded what people our age look like when I walk down the road or see others on tv. I might as well live alone on a desert island without any modern forms of technology.:shrug::hugs:

[Magic]

hello every one.
Yes I have a husband,but I am lonely.
you might think I am ungratefull as many of you may have lost a spouse or partner.
My husband's mother died two and a half years ago.She was 92 and did not suffer when she died.
I have not had a hug from him since.Ziltch.nought.
All our married life has been taken over by his family, in the past few years I have become resentfull.
I could write a book,honestly.
I did join a computer class,but that finished. I used to go the gym,
but I have got to that state when I cannot be bothered
I have one friend who lives down the road.I don't see a great deal of her
as she goes to work and i am retired. We go on day trips together and have a natter, only occasionally
I do wish I had more friends though:shrug:

[Bill]

For you Nellie ... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFSZkf9NaaY&feature=related ....plus some hugs:bighug1:

[Luna]

I work in a shop, so I find it really easy to approach people and talk to them. I have people I'm friends with at work, but I never get asked to go to socials after work. I've lost contact with people I used to be friends with. I don't have brothers or sisters.

My counsellor has given me a sheet to fill in with the social activities I do and the people I can go to for social support. I guess I'll leave that blank. It seems such a massive task to knit that part of my life back together.

I hope that as my anxiety gets better I'll gradually start enjoying social occasions more and I'll just make friends naturally, without thinking about it, like I did before I became anxious and depressed.

[Bill]

"How can I make friends?" is the title...well, there's only one way I know and then I can but hope the friends I make think likewise...and if not, then so be it... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elWwI_DSp_E&feature=related :hugs: