Advice or maybe just a few hugs!

[Phwoffy]

Hi guys, I've only recently joined and I was just wondering if anyone could offer me some advice on a few things... or just generally say something to make me feel a little better.

I've been a nervous wreck since I was small - I remember counting the minutes until my parents came upstairs to bed, in case they didn't make it, and many other "abnormal" things I did as I child. When I was 13 I convinced myself I had breast cancer and managed to worry about it so much that I also started convincing my Mum. That, you know, I was a 13 year old with breast cancer. I didn't even have any breasts!
Anxiety is something that's always been a part of my life, in many forms. I seem to go through phases of worrying about different things - sometimes my health; sometimes my family's health; our animals; money; lack of work; my future etc. I'm sure you all know the patterns (or lack of them).

Anyway, things had been better for a while. About a year ago I met a man and we started a relationship. Due to many circumstances we now both live in my parents' house (We're both 20, just in case anybody thinks I've kidnapped a school boy or something!) and are trying to save up for a place of our own. The happier I've become, the worse things have got and it's reached the point where I can't cope. At the moment, it's health anxiety. I'm terrified. In the past month or so I've had lymphoma, a brain tumour, fibromyalgia and bowel cancer (the current worry!). It's driving myself, my Mum and my poor boyfriend absolutely mad. Tomorrow I'm ringing the doctor, although I am trying to hold out for a female one as I want to talk about everything (including piles/toilet habits/the fact I convinced myself I was 7 months pregnant despite not missing a single period or having any other symptom and after taking a pregnancy test "just to be sure") so I may not get an appointment immediately. Of course, considering it's health anxiety I think I am suffering with, I have worked myself into a bit of a state. I've never had a proper diagnosis. In fact, I only discovered GAD a few months ago but it fitted me so perfectly that everyone I spoke to about it read the symptoms and immediately agreed. But yes, right now I'm in a panic that I'll get to the doctor's and they'll think it's something else; that it is something else. I'm on pills for nausea at the moment and they've made me constipated, plus I'm on my period which always makes it slightly too easy to go to the toilet so... things are a bit messed up down there. And, as I've mentioned, I'm pretty sure I've got piles. Combine all these and... well, I've got bowel cancer, haven't I?!? Especially as I'm going to the doctor to tell them that I've got something else. If that makes any sense at all.

Really, I've written you all an essay to ask for some sort of reassurance. And a little advice. When I get to my appointment, where should I start? Also, is there a way for me to calm myself down from this health anxiety business? I'm being so terribly unfair. My boyfriend's Mum died of lung cancer just before we met and I can't keep doing this to him. I've tried so hard to stop myself saying all this stuff but I'm sure you all know how difficult it is to keep it in. He's the reason I'm going to the doctor - I want us to be happy and he's been able to show me that this worrying doesn't define me. I want to stop pushing all this stuff on him because he's had so much to deal with.
God, I'm sorry for writing so much. Thank you in advance if you even get to this sentence.

[Luna]

Hello and welcome. I think you should tell your doctor what you've written here. It hits the nail on the head.

Let your doctor decide if they need to send you for tests or anything. Your doctor may want to deal with your health anxiety, or they may want to you to continue any prescriptions or therapy your doing now. You don't know until you ask!

[pollyanna]

Hi

I sympathise with you, its so difficult to try to make sense of all this stuff yourself, so its very difficult for others to understand. on one hand there is the logical side which you can talk through and understand, and then that gets completely overtaken with the irrational fears... and back and forth it goes , complete torture at times.
A lot of the things you have said, i can identify with, i have worried about anything and everything, about me , my family, my friends, things that may happen, have happened, and the list goes on and on, and your mind will keep coming up with different scenarios, and keep that worry going in one shape or form.
i think when you go to the doctor, before you go, write down from the begining all the points you want to bring up, then you can work through it on order, im sure they will have dealt with issues like this before.
you are young and have your whole life in front of you, you just have a few issues right now, these issues are not who you are, they dont define who you are. you sound like you have a loving partner, and with his support and the right help you will get through this. Let us know how you get on at the doctors.

:flowers:

[paula lynne]

Hiya, what helped me was to write down my main concerns before going to the doctor, as I always seemed to be coming home and then think "oh no! I forgot to say...."

Its great that you are taking such a pro-active apporach, not just sitting down letting all these things take you over. I really wish you all the luck in the world with your recovery, you sound like a lovely girl x
Paula x:yesyes:

[Phwoffy]

Thank you so much. I have to admit, your replies did make my eyes sting a tiny bit. I'm such an emotional mess at the moment! You've all made me feel much better already so I'm very grateful - it's always nice to know there are people who understand where you're coming from. I'm definitely going to take your advice and write down the things I want to discuss with the doctor - I forget everything when faced with a stressful situation so can't believe I didn't think of it before!

Thanks again, you're all brilliant :D

[pollyanna]

glad the replies made you feel a bit better about things, good luck
take care , hugs P x

[spiral]

:hugs:

[Phwoffy]

Just wanted to say thanks again. Thought I'd update, in case anyone was passing through and wondered if I'd made it to the doctor's yet.
Well, I haven't. After a ridiculous battle (at one point I sat on the phone on hold for an hour until I had to go out, when I eventually got through that afternoon they told me to ring back on Wednesday afternoon - I rang... they were closed! How helpful!) I have an appointment for next Thursday.

I didn't think I'd ever be excited about a doctor's appointment but in a way, I am. I just want things sorted now. I'm pretty damn scared and I'm sure that'll get worse the closer it gets because.... well, of course, it might not be anxiety. It could be all manner of diseases *sigh* But yes, this is the first step and there's no avoiding it now. Fingers crossed it will go better than I'm expecting :)