Phwoffy
25-04-11, 23:10
Hi guys, I've only recently joined and I was just wondering if anyone could offer me some advice on a few things... or just generally say something to make me feel a little better.
I've been a nervous wreck since I was small - I remember counting the minutes until my parents came upstairs to bed, in case they didn't make it, and many other "abnormal" things I did as I child. When I was 13 I convinced myself I had breast cancer and managed to worry about it so much that I also started convincing my Mum. That, you know, I was a 13 year old with breast cancer. I didn't even have any breasts!
Anxiety is something that's always been a part of my life, in many forms. I seem to go through phases of worrying about different things - sometimes my health; sometimes my family's health; our animals; money; lack of work; my future etc. I'm sure you all know the patterns (or lack of them).
Anyway, things had been better for a while. About a year ago I met a man and we started a relationship. Due to many circumstances we now both live in my parents' house (We're both 20, just in case anybody thinks I've kidnapped a school boy or something!) and are trying to save up for a place of our own. The happier I've become, the worse things have got and it's reached the point where I can't cope. At the moment, it's health anxiety. I'm terrified. In the past month or so I've had lymphoma, a brain tumour, fibromyalgia and bowel cancer (the current worry!). It's driving myself, my Mum and my poor boyfriend absolutely mad. Tomorrow I'm ringing the doctor, although I am trying to hold out for a female one as I want to talk about everything (including piles/toilet habits/the fact I convinced myself I was 7 months pregnant despite not missing a single period or having any other symptom and after taking a pregnancy test "just to be sure") so I may not get an appointment immediately. Of course, considering it's health anxiety I think I am suffering with, I have worked myself into a bit of a state. I've never had a proper diagnosis. In fact, I only discovered GAD a few months ago but it fitted me so perfectly that everyone I spoke to about it read the symptoms and immediately agreed. But yes, right now I'm in a panic that I'll get to the doctor's and they'll think it's something else; that it is something else. I'm on pills for nausea at the moment and they've made me constipated, plus I'm on my period which always makes it slightly too easy to go to the toilet so... things are a bit messed up down there. And, as I've mentioned, I'm pretty sure I've got piles. Combine all these and... well, I've got bowel cancer, haven't I?!? Especially as I'm going to the doctor to tell them that I've got something else. If that makes any sense at all.
Really, I've written you all an essay to ask for some sort of reassurance. And a little advice. When I get to my appointment, where should I start? Also, is there a way for me to calm myself down from this health anxiety business? I'm being so terribly unfair. My boyfriend's Mum died of lung cancer just before we met and I can't keep doing this to him. I've tried so hard to stop myself saying all this stuff but I'm sure you all know how difficult it is to keep it in. He's the reason I'm going to the doctor - I want us to be happy and he's been able to show me that this worrying doesn't define me. I want to stop pushing all this stuff on him because he's had so much to deal with.
God, I'm sorry for writing so much. Thank you in advance if you even get to this sentence.
I've been a nervous wreck since I was small - I remember counting the minutes until my parents came upstairs to bed, in case they didn't make it, and many other "abnormal" things I did as I child. When I was 13 I convinced myself I had breast cancer and managed to worry about it so much that I also started convincing my Mum. That, you know, I was a 13 year old with breast cancer. I didn't even have any breasts!
Anxiety is something that's always been a part of my life, in many forms. I seem to go through phases of worrying about different things - sometimes my health; sometimes my family's health; our animals; money; lack of work; my future etc. I'm sure you all know the patterns (or lack of them).
Anyway, things had been better for a while. About a year ago I met a man and we started a relationship. Due to many circumstances we now both live in my parents' house (We're both 20, just in case anybody thinks I've kidnapped a school boy or something!) and are trying to save up for a place of our own. The happier I've become, the worse things have got and it's reached the point where I can't cope. At the moment, it's health anxiety. I'm terrified. In the past month or so I've had lymphoma, a brain tumour, fibromyalgia and bowel cancer (the current worry!). It's driving myself, my Mum and my poor boyfriend absolutely mad. Tomorrow I'm ringing the doctor, although I am trying to hold out for a female one as I want to talk about everything (including piles/toilet habits/the fact I convinced myself I was 7 months pregnant despite not missing a single period or having any other symptom and after taking a pregnancy test "just to be sure") so I may not get an appointment immediately. Of course, considering it's health anxiety I think I am suffering with, I have worked myself into a bit of a state. I've never had a proper diagnosis. In fact, I only discovered GAD a few months ago but it fitted me so perfectly that everyone I spoke to about it read the symptoms and immediately agreed. But yes, right now I'm in a panic that I'll get to the doctor's and they'll think it's something else; that it is something else. I'm on pills for nausea at the moment and they've made me constipated, plus I'm on my period which always makes it slightly too easy to go to the toilet so... things are a bit messed up down there. And, as I've mentioned, I'm pretty sure I've got piles. Combine all these and... well, I've got bowel cancer, haven't I?!? Especially as I'm going to the doctor to tell them that I've got something else. If that makes any sense at all.
Really, I've written you all an essay to ask for some sort of reassurance. And a little advice. When I get to my appointment, where should I start? Also, is there a way for me to calm myself down from this health anxiety business? I'm being so terribly unfair. My boyfriend's Mum died of lung cancer just before we met and I can't keep doing this to him. I've tried so hard to stop myself saying all this stuff but I'm sure you all know how difficult it is to keep it in. He's the reason I'm going to the doctor - I want us to be happy and he's been able to show me that this worrying doesn't define me. I want to stop pushing all this stuff on him because he's had so much to deal with.
God, I'm sorry for writing so much. Thank you in advance if you even get to this sentence.