Talking to loved ones about your depression/anxiety?

[H_87]

Hi all,

I have a couple of what I'd consider close friends who I know I can trust and talk to about my depression and anxiety (one of whom has been through similar themselves), i.e. these are friends who are far more than just 'mates' or 'acquaintances' who may not be fully understanding or simply not giving a toss.

I don't however feel able to tell my family (parents), although I live with them I have so far been able to 'hide' my symptoms from them pretty well, and I don't feel that I need to bother them with this. I know how they'll react and it's not stress that they need.

Am I wrong in doing this? Has anyone else got any experiences / views they'd like to share?

[Tyke]

Hi H 87

I don't think there's anything wrong with this. I had anxiety when I lived with my parents and didn't tell them everything as they didn't understand a lot of what I did tell them! I often don't tell some people things because I don't want them to worry as I know I will only worry about them worrying so what's the point! You just have to go with your gut feeling about what seems right.

As long as you have some good support to help you, I don't think it matters where you get it from. We all get different things from different people and can't expect everyone else to be entirely on our wavelength all of the time. Enjoy your parents company in the ways you feel comfortable with and don't feel guilty about it.

Tyke

[Spy]

Hi H 87,

I think as long as you have a couple of trusted friends that you can talk to, its ok not to tell everyone. Just make sure that the reasons behind not confiding in family are not self destructive, that its not because you feel ashamed or embarrassed. I'm a strong believer that part of the recovery from depression and anxiety is acceptance of your condition and part of this is being able to talk about it. Part of the problem with anxiety is that our perception of things is badly skewed and sometimes we think we know what people will say or how they will react and its nothing close to the truth!! But at the same time you know your parents...

TC xx

[Jacsta]

Hiya

i dont think its wrong to not want to tell your parents. If its making you feel worse by not telling them, then maybe think about it, but as already said, its sometimes hard for others to understand what you are going through. Tell people when you are ready and feel comfortable, you have nothing to be ashamed of.

Its good that you have some close friends that you can share things with, try not to suffer in silence.

xx Jac xx

[H_87]

It's not making me feel worse, it's just sometimes tricky to hide things like doctor's appointments from them (I can't leave as early for work if I've got an appointment so they'd wonder why I'm going in late, and they'll wonder what's up if I simply tell them I've got a doctor's appointment)... These are minor details in the grand scheme of things though :)

Thanks folks x

[Betsy88]

I am exactly the same with my dad and stepmum. I don't live with my mum but she knows all about my depression. My dad and stepmum simply couldn't understand.. I can just imagine them coming out with something like 'snap out of it'. So I don't think you're wrong at all!

[shauntheron]

Depression drains your energy,hope,and drive,making it difficult to do what you need to feel better.You may become frustrated when your well-meaning advice and emotional reassurance are met with resistance.Anxiety that unpleasant,nagging feeling of worry and fear affects all of us from time to time.

[mcray1981]

I made the decision to tell my family but purely to cut myself some slack. I knew in advance my mum wouldnt understand - she is a bit pull your socks up as a person. She surprised me when I told her and has learnt that the worst thing she can do is basically say "chin up". She freely admits she doesnt fully understand as she has never been there but I think it has helped her to understand that with depression you would love to be able to just snap out of it but that its just not that easy. Now I'm glad I told her and think that the whole issue of mental health needs to be more open so that we can get the support and understanding that helps.

Its a scary step telling someone and sometimes they surprise you. Some people you think are certain to understand just don't and some you feel will never understand turn out to the best support you have.

[Pseudonym]

Its a scary step telling someone and sometimes they surprise you. Some people you think are certain to understand just don't and some you feel will never understand turn out to the best support you have.

How true. I was recently invited away fishing with an acquaintance. Travelling is something I dread and I was getting more and more anxious about it as the day grew closer. My acquaintance is ex-army and I never expected he would "get it". Eventually, I got so desperate that i told him - just so he would know what to expect if I had a panic on the way there or pulled out at the last minute. Turns out he does volunteer work for a couple of mental health charities (his bugbear being the lack of support for ex-army folk with mental health problems) and his wife is a former psychiatrist. He's been a great support and I never would have expected it from a man trained to be "hard". He's no longer just an acquaintance.

Neil

[mcray1981]

It's strange - I have so many friends who prior to being I'll I would have thought would be great help who just don't have a clue what to say or do and others I would have thought wouldn't have a clue turning round and saying they've been there. In the midst of it though it is hard to realise that it's just different people and not think it's something about yourself that means they don't care.