i dont want to feel alone anymore

[si1982]

Hi, I just read a previous thread and despite feeling pretty scared I thought I might reply. I have had a few relationships which have been on and off and I first noticed my OCD when I was at Uni about 10 years ago, my mind is hugely analytical and obsessive at times. When I'm good I'm great and when I'm bad I'm awful. I've just broken up with my latest girlfriend for the 3rd time and to be fair to her I thought it would be best to cut contact. I broke up with her at the end of last term (I'm a teacher) because I was so tired and could not shake obsessive thoughts (was she right for me etc), I focused on her very few negatives and gradually got irritated with everything. However, the minute that contact was cut I started missing her, she is amazing and so understanding. Coming back to school today was a massive heartbreak. I know I can't put her through things again but I just feel so lost and pretty alone in terms of people understanding what goes on in my head and to be honest the only person I want next to me is her.

[TeaLavender]

If you want a girl, you make her your girl. If you care enough about her to not be with her and not hurt her, I think that says a lot about you. You're willing to sacrifice your own pain for her. She sounds like a wonderful woman, and if you let her go, it just might be one of your biggest regrets. What you have is ROCD, in other words, relationship OCD.


"Relationship OCD, it is common for sufferers to repeatedly question whether their current partner is really the right person for them, and whether they actually love their partner or not. Most people are well aware of the fact that no relationship is without its flaws and bad points, but sufferers of ROCD are often unable to recognize this." There's more to it. Please do some more research to get a better understanding. Please go after her, explain to her about your ROCD, make her understand. If she's such an understanding person, she will surely open her arms to you and welcome you back into her life. It is you that is not letting this happen! There is also a book called, "Sleeping With ROCD", which helps you AND your partner to understand the disorder a lot more. Good luck, please go after her.

[shoegal]

I agree with the above poster. Tell her how you feel. It might be the best decision you ever make.

Either way, I think perhaps you should seek professional help in dealing with your OCD so you can at least control it. If it's too late for your past relationship, it will still help you in any future relationships you have.

Good luck. :flowers:

[Anxious_gal]

Write her a long and honest letter/email. If you care about her then she deserves to know the truth and not to be driving her self crazy wondering what she did wrong (ok thats just a guess lol but a lot of women do this if they don't know why a guy left them)

[si1982]

Thank you for all you replies, I have spoken to her and we'll see what happens. Feeling a lot more positive

[Elen]

well done that is a huge achievement

[Chriswebster]

Hey well done si1982. Maybe also let this lady see the post you put on this website too.
I understand it isn't going to be easy to get things going again but I think she will feel touched by the really positive things you have said about her before you spoke to her about things.
Relationships are what you make them and allow them to be.
Good luck I hope it all works out great for you both
Chris