Relationship is over

[heths]

My boyfriend has just split up with me and I don't know what to do.

We've known each other years before we started a relationship and have been going out with each other for 6 years. For the past couple of years we've had our problems due to my anxiety. He wants to go to places with him but I haven't been able to.

We've had arguments before and he's walked out sometimes before. But this time is different.

He's been a bit off with me on and off today. About an hour ago I wrote down how I felt and explained how he'd been today and how it was getting to me. I couldn't get anywhere with him about it, it just made him annoyed and say more things to me. I don't feel able to say what happened next, but I told him to leave and he said he'd had enough and left me a message on my phone. I'd been lending him my old mobile phone and he's left that here so that I can't ring him.

The message he's left me on my phone is to say it's over, i'm through with you, good bye.

I don't know what to do. I keep changing between not knowing how to feel and then feeling sad. We were going to spend time together and it's Easter and I don't know if he'll come back to me or if it's really over. Just don't know what to do.

Heather

[vernon]

So sorry to hear that Heather, I realy hope things turn out better for you. Take car. Vernon

[heths]

Thank you Vernon

Heather

[darkangel]

Heather

I really feel for you - I hope you manage to work things out. I am going through something similar so if you need an listening ear then feel free to PM me.
Take care of yourself and I am sure he will be in touch soon.

Darkangel

........life is for living not just for surviving

[Keitharcher]

Heather

Im sorry to hear your news. it may seem cruel but if the thing is over its over, the sooner you move on the better, dont dwell on it I know its hard but if you dwell you will send yourself in a downaward spiral. I hope you come out of this a better person

Keith

[heths]

Thank you everyone for your replies, I wanted to update on what's happened.

We've had a chat over the phone and he's told me he still loves me and some times my anxiety gets to him. He's coming back to see me.

It does put a strain on our relationship at times, me being agoraphobic and having other anxiety related problems. I'm determined to get better.

Darkangel, I'm sorry you've been going through something similar, thank you for the offer to PM. You can PM me too if you want to. Hope things get better for you.

I just wanted to let you all know that i'm ok and thank you for your replies.






Heather

[Coni]

Hi Heather,

Just wanted to say I hope everything turns out well for you.

Coni X

[lildutt]

i hope everything goes well and you are ok
bellx

[joanne87]

Hi Heather,

I hope everything goes will for you.

Jo x x

[heths]

Thank you Coni, lilbell and joanne.

He came round last night and we had a talk. I'm not totally feeling clear in my mind about things. But I know that it's my anxiety problems that causes the problems. It really gets to him, which I do understand. I just wish I knew how to help him.

Take Care,
Heather

[Karen]

Hi Heather

I am glad you were both able to sit down and have a chat about things and work out what is and isn't working.

It can be hard for non-anxious/depressed people to understand what it is like for us. Have you tried giving him some information from the home pages here to read?

Are you receiving therapy at present? If so, would you boyfriend go with you and speak to your therapist with you to gain a greater understanding.

There is also Relate (http://www.relate.org.uk/) if you think some joint counselling might help.

I hope it works out for you.

Karen



Happiness is not a state to arrive at but a manner of travelling.

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough ~ Christine Cagney, Cagney & Lacey

[heths]

Thank you Karen for your reply. There are some good suggestions there.

I'll ask him if he wants to look at info on the site.

I am having therapy, my therapist has spoken to him a couple of times, but she has said that her main focus has to be me and that she has alot of people to see also. My boyfriend did see a councellor some time ago but the councellor talked about my boyfriends money problems he had at the time and his job. But it's worth asking my therapist again if there is anymore help she could suggest for him.

Relate is something I've considered. It's a bit difficult at the moment because of my problems going out, but when I can get further, if things are still like they are now, then I'll consider it.

Thank you,



Heather

[chucklehound]

Hi Heather, hope everything works out for you...

[pips]

I to hope everything works out for you hun.

Take care,

Love PIP'S X X

[ollie35]

Hi Heather,

I know how you are feeling. It is very hard for a partner to understand how we are feeling, they can just become frustrated as they just want to be with the real you.
I used to say "please don't put pressure on me to do anything or judge me, there is no one who wants to be better more than myself, so please give me the space to recover".
Luckily this was given to me and I had no pressure to be something I was not at the time. Heather you will get there, but as it was mentioned above, don't put yourself under any stress about this. YOU are the most important person here, you and your health, so talk and maybe just ask for some support.
You may decide on another route, but at the moment you and the way you are feeling comes first, so please don't stress yourself out whatever the outcome.
My life is so different now to the dark days I went through and yours can to with the help and support you receive on here, the more you learn the easier things can become.

Take care
Paul

[heths]

Thank you Chucklehound, Pips and Paul. Everyone's been so kind thank you.

Paul, you're right it is hard for a partner to understand how we are feeling and he does just want me to be better and does get frustrated. I know that what's behind the arguments is him wanting me better and him caring about me. I have to try to remember that. Thank you again for your reply.

So far we've been spending this weekend together and we had another talk yesterday morning. I had a go at explaining and suggesting a few things, some were ideas from the replies i've had, and so far things are good. We haven't had an argument since. So I'll see how it goes.

Thank you everyone for your replies, really appreciate it,

Take Care,




Heather