Advice appreciated !

[RND2011]

Hi

This is a difficlut thing to explain but I wonder if anyone else can relate to it. I have suffered with GAD, depression, panic attacks for a number of years. I have tried to gain as much knowledge as I can and in very simple terms it appears that the sensible approach seems to be to face your fears, build a social network, eat well, exercise, spend time outdoors and relax.

I appreciate that this is the responsibility of the individual but real life dictates we also rely to some extent on others. My problem is that my wife is not the best person to be with when attempting to apply this guidance.

She thoroughly dislikes any kind of heat (in her terms 20 degrees or above), dislikes sunlight, enjoys walking only if it is cloudy or wet, dislikes any other sport or exercise, passionately hates pools, spas etc. Holidays are to be spent in cities visiting sights or galleries etc. She dislikes socialising to the point where she gets argumentative and irritable up to 3 days before we go out. I now have no friends I socialise with. Other than the half a dozen people or so I work with I have no other social interaction. Oh, and she hates cooking and only enjoys a narrow range of food.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy culture etc and I am no social animal myself but I do find myself in a position where making the changes suggested is very difficult if not impossible at times. All of the above must sound terrible and please don't think for a minute that leaving her is even a thought in my mind (we have been together 22 years) but I just wonder whether anyone else understands the point I am making - that sometimes making the changes seems nigh on impossible

Sorry if this sounds like bleating and self pity - it really isn't meant to be - I just feel a tad frustrated.

[Anxious_gal]

yes your 100 right in what you say about the sensible approach :)
Can you socialize without your wife? Like meet friends outside work for coffee etc..
she does seem rather stuck in her ways and if she's unwilling to change then you'll have to try and do somethings without her.
I would never suggest you leave your wife because she doesn't the sun or cooking :blush:
Maybe CBT therapy etc... might help , if you can get any therapy for free you should try and give it a go :)
I find therapy keeps me on track, on my own I would give up too soon and lose motivation.
It could help to make a list of small steps you could take, like talk to one new person, or do this or that, and give it a good try :)

[RND2011]

Thanks for your reply Mishel

I have had a fairly long course of CBT. In the end my therapist and I agreed that there was little point carrying on (particularly as its very expensive) if I wasn't able to implement the suggestions.

I fully accept that its my responsibility to take care of myself but in real life we live with other people and in some situations this can make change difficult.

I have not ducked the conversation and my wife agrees completely in principle but time and again if it comes to actually doing something I am met with resistance.

I have reached a degree of acceptance that this is my lot but I will try to make small advances where I can.

Thanks again for your input