am i deppressed or is it the anxiety how do i no

[trish1955]

hi i am realy haveing a bad time right now i have started cbt in feb being seeing the jr thearapist twice a week she wants me to go to clinic to see the senior thearapist whom came to see me at home for the first two weeks of cbt i get on well with jnr one but feel under so much pressure i ave sufferd agraphobia along with panic attacks anxiety for so many years the agraphobia is up and down even though i nevere evere go out on my own i do mange little trips on a good day to local shops some times i can go in somtimes i cant well the cbt as got me to go on a bus i ave done this before with my family i say to her i dont want the feelings i ave why doin stuff like my whole body is tense my adrenlin is high i cant focus on any thing apart from right i ave done the bus i just want to get bk in my home she says she can not tell what my anxiety is like as i hold my self together so well god i wish she could feel what i am feeling inside the reason i am so good at covering it up is i ave done it for over 20yrs now i dont no how to show it all i no is i feel totaly drained of all my energy after talkin of this ,this is why i think i am deppressed i am finding it hard to drop off to sleep and twice as hard to get up because as soon as i open my eyes my anxiety kicks in then i get out bed feeling like i have been run over by a bus makeing my anxiety even worse so feel even more tired got no intrest in life at all cant even boither to get dressed at all i was a verey smart person at one time and would hate lookin a mess even though i never wear makeup would always make sure my clothes wer well pressed and do my hair now dont see any point whats wrong wiv me why do i feel so sad amd misserable all the time why cant i be intrested in any thing at all dont want to cook hate my home it always looks a mess to me as i dont clean the way i use to people say well yr older now so my mum i am 55 she is 77 she works hareder than me wish i had never started smoking again ten yrs ago after havein packed up for 8 yrs i put pressure on my self about trying to pack in to be honest thats the biggest reason i get out bed how sad is that sorry about the long post i just wanted to no if i am going down a real bad road and scared i wont find my way bk take care all lv trish

[tricia56]

hi trish you are not alone reading your post it felt as if it was me saying all what u have said .like u i am 55 and have sufferd with anxiety now for7yrs i have children who have grown up now apart for a daughter who is 15 i havent got a patner or any friends and like you i i have no intersest in anything at all and most days i dont even get washed as my anxiety kicks in as soon as i wake up i feel lost isolated very lonely .ive had cbt it helped abit but it doesnt help you tell you how you feel imotionaly i try to go out which is mostly to local shop and once a fortnight to local job centre which like u i just do it because i have to and i just want to hurry up and get back home, i sit at home most days thinking why cant i be like normal people and do the normal things and just enjoy life and wonder how other suffers carry one with enjoying the things they do as ive tried so hard to do it but i just dont know how anymore .sorry to of rabbited on but i just wanted to let you know im the same and hope you get better xx