trish1955
30-04-11, 11:56
hi i am realy haveing a bad time right now i have started cbt in feb being seeing the jr thearapist twice a week she wants me to go to clinic to see the senior thearapist whom came to see me at home for the first two weeks of cbt i get on well with jnr one but feel under so much pressure i ave sufferd agraphobia along with panic attacks anxiety for so many years the agraphobia is up and down even though i nevere evere go out on my own i do mange little trips on a good day to local shops some times i can go in somtimes i cant well the cbt as got me to go on a bus i ave done this before with my family i say to her i dont want the feelings i ave why doin stuff like my whole body is tense my adrenlin is high i cant focus on any thing apart from right i ave done the bus i just want to get bk in my home she says she can not tell what my anxiety is like as i hold my self together so well god i wish she could feel what i am feeling inside the reason i am so good at covering it up is i ave done it for over 20yrs now i dont no how to show it all i no is i feel totaly drained of all my energy after talkin of this ,this is why i think i am deppressed i am finding it hard to drop off to sleep and twice as hard to get up because as soon as i open my eyes my anxiety kicks in then i get out bed feeling like i have been run over by a bus makeing my anxiety even worse so feel even more tired got no intrest in life at all cant even boither to get dressed at all i was a verey smart person at one time and would hate lookin a mess even though i never wear makeup would always make sure my clothes wer well pressed and do my hair now dont see any point whats wrong wiv me why do i feel so sad amd misserable all the time why cant i be intrested in any thing at all dont want to cook hate my home it always looks a mess to me as i dont clean the way i use to people say well yr older now so my mum i am 55 she is 77 she works hareder than me wish i had never started smoking again ten yrs ago after havein packed up for 8 yrs i put pressure on my self about trying to pack in to be honest thats the biggest reason i get out bed how sad is that sorry about the long post i just wanted to no if i am going down a real bad road and scared i wont find my way bk take care all lv trish
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