Anxiety and relationship loss

[BrokenRainbow]

Hello all. I have been looking at your forums for a while now, and have always been touched by the support and help you all give each other, you all seem like such a wonderful bunch of people and I have only just had the courage to join up instead of being a passive reader. I myself suffer from elements of social anxiety, but have actually joined these forums for a different reason which is why I am posting in the GAD section as opposed to the social anxiety forum. My fiancé who I had been with for 5 years has broken up with me, and I just don’t know what to do. He suffered from GAD and had his first panic attack when he was with me which happened about 1 year into our relationship. Ever since I have tried to be there for him, done everything I can to support him and just love him for the amazing person that he was. He always supported me too and reassured me all the time as i have such low self esteem and was just amazing to me. It never mattered to me that we couldn’t go out for meals, or had to do things on his terms. I only ever wanted to be there for him, and so the fact that we couldn’t go out to pubs every weekend with friends didn’t bother me at all. I loved him and he was the only thing I ever cared about, and because of my social anxiety I was able to understand elements of his anxieties about going out. I would have done anything for this man, he was my best friend. Two weeks ago he broke up with me because he is going through a particularly difficult time, I was devastated and it seems to have gotten worse ever since. He won’t speak to me on the phone and says that he needs space and that he settled down too young. He always treated me like a princess the whole time we were together, but now he seems so cold towards me that Im finding it difficult to understand. I know I shouldn’t look on facebook, but he seems to be fine, and all his status updates are so jolly, and Im left here unable to eat or sleep. I just wanted to know if any of you have pushed the person you love away due to your experiences with anxiety? Or whether it may be genuinely that he has fallen out of love with me completely unrelated to his anxiety. I know you won’t be able to answer me that question but I am so scared and confused and feel like my life has been turned upside down. Im only 24 years old and am trying to remain positive but its hard, he was my everything and I was always so proud of him for getting through this illness on his own. Thank you for listening and Im sorry that it is such a long post. I wish you all the best of luck in your recovery. Thank you for your time,
xx

[macc noodle]

Hi BrokenRainbow

So sorry to hear how sad you are at the moment with the break up of your 5 year relationship.

It is very hard I know to recover and two weeks is no time at all really - so the first thing I would say is don't be too hard on yourself and allow yourself time to grieve.

Secondly, stop looking on Facebook - we can all be what we want to be on social networking sites as opposed to the person we really are and to this degree your ex may well be trying to look jollier than he is actually feeling!

Maybe you did get together at a young age and maybe now he feels that he has to try and fly by himself without your support. Is he currently receiving counselling by any chance?

He really does need to sort this out himself whichever way it ends up - whether he comes back to you or not. I know that is a very hard thing to face for you since you appear to have been completely supportive over the last 4 years with his problems.

What you need to do now is try and find your feet. Do you have any sympathetic friends you can go out with?

You will find support here I am sure.

Jan
x

[BrokenRainbow]

Hi Jan, thank you so much for your kind words, i really appricate them so much so thank you for taking the time to reply. I know im in the wrong for torturing myself looking at something so trivial as his facebook page, i know that sometimes everything is not always as it seems and im sure deep down I know he must be hurting inside, its just so hard for me to understand. He never sought and professional help via councilling or anything, and that was another reason why I was so proud of him. He works in a very alpha male environment and I think he saw it as a sign of weakness that he was stuggling and felt that no one would understand. He came though so much on his own, and somehow found the strength to carry on, when at one point he couldnt go into town becuase he feared he would have a panic attack. When he started to become avoidant of places, he felt like he had to try and make things up to me, like if we didnt go out for a meal, he'd cook a really special one at home. He was so sweet to me always, we never argued, and no matter how many times I explained to him that he had nothing to make up to me, he was the man of my dreams and I wouldnt have changed him for the world, anxiety and all, I didnt care. He did say that he hoped one day in the future that he we can and finish what we started, but I love him now and am just unsure how I can switch my feelings of until then. He says that we will just have to wait and see what happens.
I have a really supportive family, and some key friends who I wouldnt have managed without. Im not a very loud person, and do tend to keep myself to myself, but have some amazing friends who have really helped me.
Thank you again for your advise, I think one of the main things ive learned though this break up is how kind people are in times when you feel like theres no hope left.

Thanks so much, take care xxx