Up and Down :(

[LittleMissPanicky]

Hi there , i feel like a few others that have posted on here today ! After a couple of weeks getting back to normal, although still quite anxious, i thought i could see light at the end of the tunnel, but over the weekend my anxiety went off the scale again ! I have been suffering with worries about bowel cancer, after a full blood count, sigmoioscopy and a barium enema, which all came back negative , i felt a little calmer. Now i am constantly worried because i get diarrrhoea , sometimes just loose sometimes watery (sorry maybe tmi). Of course as you can understand , i am now completely convinced something is wrong !!!
I went back to my doctor yesterday, who has been and is still so patient with me and explained my worries and told her that maybe i ought to go and see a gastric speacialist. She said she could , but thought that they would look at the referral letter and decide that it needs no action because of the tests i have had done.
In the evenings i feel quite calm and rational and think "so what" ! but mornings are a nightmare, this morning being the worst. I poured my heart out to my sister and spoke to my mother in law which calmed me down a bit, but have resorted to taking half a 5mg tablet of diazepam, which i think has helped. I don't want to take too much as I have the school run soon !!!
I am having cbt but it just dosn't seem to be sinking in, i try so hard to put into practice what she teaches me , but it is like my irrational side of my brain is too strong.
Sorry for the ramble guys, just needed to get it off my chest !! Any help or advice would be gratefully received. xxxxx

[worried girl]

Hello,

I understand you. I too worry about bowel cancer and I know it is hard to get it out of your mind. About the loose stool you getting have you thought that maybe your anxiety is the main reason. If you had so many tests plus I presumed you are young you have nothing to fear. I for one can never reassure myself but when I look at other people experience I can tell they have nothing to worry about. I do not see ANYTHING concerning in your experience however I do know you don't see it that way because I am the same. I think the only way is to stop checking but I still trying to force myself not to and still don't manage. Most people have weird things happening every day and they just don't notice it why can't we ?

[LittleMissPanicky]

I know what you mean !! What i was worried about in the first place is a different symptom to what i have now !!! I am 41 , so still quite young for any horrible disease, i hope !!!
Do you take any medication ?
xxxxx

[worried girl]

I don't have medication. I followed a course of cbt and it did help because now I only get a relapse of anxiety every other month tops. Unfortunalty today is one of them... I know what you mean it is always a new disease. As soon as you get over one another silly disease start to worry you... I do get over my issues a lot quicker now though and everytime I have a relapse I feel better than I ever did before so there is hope:)

[CorneliusRuperTravis]

Hey there, hope you're okay x

Anxiety is such a tricky little bugger to live with. As soon as we think we've finally got it beat it strikes again, always managing to find new ways to scare us! It's an on-going struggle, and it's horrible to live with it long term. However, just assure yourself that you have managed to deal with it in the past and you will continue to do so now. You are in control of yourself, not the anxiety, and every time you manage to overcome it you become stronger for it. You are a strong person and you WILL get through this. Just don't beat yourself up over it. Don't forget to love yourself for coping :) xx