Megmillan
05-05-11, 21:50
Hi
I haven't been on this site since February this year, so i wanted to write a few lines which hopefully will give someone out there some hope and encouragement.
I have suffered from bouts of anxiety of varying severity for the last 15 years. My last bout began, if I'm honest, after the birth of my son about 4 years ago. It came and went over the years, but during late 2009, after a lot of stress at work, it came back with a vengence. I suppose in hindsight I should have seen it coming; I was having symptoms such as inability to take a deep, satisfying breath, inability to concentrate, poor appetite and poor sleep, but chose to ignore them. By the time they'd all got a grip, I was truly in the grip of a major anxiety episode.
I tried various avenues which started with a visit to my GP. I am not blaming him, but he was at a loss (as I'd spoken to him many times before) and he put me back on Cipralex 10mg, and put me on a waiting list for an NHS counsellor.
I was so desperate in March 2010 I went to see a psycho-therapist privately, who had been recommended by someone I knew. He intially was quite good, but after 4 sessions, I could see that he was going to milk me for all he could, as he kept insisting there was some hidden secret in my past/childhood that was causing my fears. I stopped visiting him, but was no better.
At that point, I was contacted by the NHS counsellor whom I started to see once a fortnight. She was a lovely lady and used a mixture of CBT and other techniques. My experience was, that I came away from the session full of hope, but very quickly went downhill. This went over the summer of 2010, but my anxiety was no better. In fact it was so bad, that when I was on holiday I actually texted her because I thought i was losing the plot.
I should mention at this stage, my husband was oblivious (I thought) to how bad I was feeling and did not even know I was taking anti depressants. I felt like i was in a bubble and could not (or would not) confide in him. I thought that i had to sort 'it' all out myself.
I started devouring the internet for quick fixes and solutions - surely there must be something out there to make this all go away. I spent a small fortune on 'methods' and self-help books, none of which really helped. I kept flicking through the pages looking for one line that would really mean something to me and fix me.
Late last year, i think i had a nervous breakdown.
I clearly remember the day at work when I emailed a close colleague with the words, 'i think i'm having a breakdown - can we talk?'
She was so empathetic and fortunately for me, had a husband who was a sympathetic GP. She put me in touch with a consultant psychiatrist with whom i set up an appointment. For the first time in the whole episode, I took some time off work. I was assigned to a therapist to practices a method called EMDR - I'm not even going to try to describe the science behind it, but at a very basic level, it aims to put the 'files' in your head back in the right cabinets! On a clinical level, I was also prescribed 75mg twice a day of Lyrica, along with my Cipralex and a slow-acting beta blocker.
I can honestly say that after my first EMDR session, i felt something shift in my head. The session had been very emotional and there were a lot of tears, but i felt so much lighter afterwards.
It's now May 2011 and I'm not saying I'm cured, but i feel so much better than i did this time last year. I genuinely believe that the combination of therapy and drugs helped me. I would also say that developing an understanding of the practice of mindfulness and relaxation also helped, but i could not engage in this properly until i was feeling slightly better.
I'm not saying this is a miracle cure for everyone, as i know only too well how many different kinds of anxiety and depression are out there, but i just want you to keep believing.
You, like me, can re-discover the real you again - he or she is still in there underneath all the phobias, worries and depression.
Here's to all our continued strength and perserverence.
Meg x
I haven't been on this site since February this year, so i wanted to write a few lines which hopefully will give someone out there some hope and encouragement.
I have suffered from bouts of anxiety of varying severity for the last 15 years. My last bout began, if I'm honest, after the birth of my son about 4 years ago. It came and went over the years, but during late 2009, after a lot of stress at work, it came back with a vengence. I suppose in hindsight I should have seen it coming; I was having symptoms such as inability to take a deep, satisfying breath, inability to concentrate, poor appetite and poor sleep, but chose to ignore them. By the time they'd all got a grip, I was truly in the grip of a major anxiety episode.
I tried various avenues which started with a visit to my GP. I am not blaming him, but he was at a loss (as I'd spoken to him many times before) and he put me back on Cipralex 10mg, and put me on a waiting list for an NHS counsellor.
I was so desperate in March 2010 I went to see a psycho-therapist privately, who had been recommended by someone I knew. He intially was quite good, but after 4 sessions, I could see that he was going to milk me for all he could, as he kept insisting there was some hidden secret in my past/childhood that was causing my fears. I stopped visiting him, but was no better.
At that point, I was contacted by the NHS counsellor whom I started to see once a fortnight. She was a lovely lady and used a mixture of CBT and other techniques. My experience was, that I came away from the session full of hope, but very quickly went downhill. This went over the summer of 2010, but my anxiety was no better. In fact it was so bad, that when I was on holiday I actually texted her because I thought i was losing the plot.
I should mention at this stage, my husband was oblivious (I thought) to how bad I was feeling and did not even know I was taking anti depressants. I felt like i was in a bubble and could not (or would not) confide in him. I thought that i had to sort 'it' all out myself.
I started devouring the internet for quick fixes and solutions - surely there must be something out there to make this all go away. I spent a small fortune on 'methods' and self-help books, none of which really helped. I kept flicking through the pages looking for one line that would really mean something to me and fix me.
Late last year, i think i had a nervous breakdown.
I clearly remember the day at work when I emailed a close colleague with the words, 'i think i'm having a breakdown - can we talk?'
She was so empathetic and fortunately for me, had a husband who was a sympathetic GP. She put me in touch with a consultant psychiatrist with whom i set up an appointment. For the first time in the whole episode, I took some time off work. I was assigned to a therapist to practices a method called EMDR - I'm not even going to try to describe the science behind it, but at a very basic level, it aims to put the 'files' in your head back in the right cabinets! On a clinical level, I was also prescribed 75mg twice a day of Lyrica, along with my Cipralex and a slow-acting beta blocker.
I can honestly say that after my first EMDR session, i felt something shift in my head. The session had been very emotional and there were a lot of tears, but i felt so much lighter afterwards.
It's now May 2011 and I'm not saying I'm cured, but i feel so much better than i did this time last year. I genuinely believe that the combination of therapy and drugs helped me. I would also say that developing an understanding of the practice of mindfulness and relaxation also helped, but i could not engage in this properly until i was feeling slightly better.
I'm not saying this is a miracle cure for everyone, as i know only too well how many different kinds of anxiety and depression are out there, but i just want you to keep believing.
You, like me, can re-discover the real you again - he or she is still in there underneath all the phobias, worries and depression.
Here's to all our continued strength and perserverence.
Meg x