View Full Version : Old Misery Guts.
Am I the only one who, when offering people some advice or comfort from their suffering (at their request may I add) on MNP, becomes quite annoyed when no reply, response or gratitude is returned?
I have seen many posts on here whereby the sufferer has been desperate for reassurance, advice or just some form of correspondance from fellow members in order to calm their worry and panic, only to find that regardless of how many people answer their request, no form of appreciation is giving!
I for one have always been extremely grateful for any response I receive to my posts and cries for help and always try to respond to any replies that are kindly given, if I can. OK, one or two may slip through the net unnoticed, but generally I try.
It's just that on more than one occasion I have even taken trouble to research the posters problem in depth in order to give an accurate and helpful response. I have even occasionally replied with experiences from my own past life (some of which are painful and upsetting) in order to provide some reassurance and compassion toward the sufferer.
It is therefore rather disappointing (and in my experience rude) when it falls on 'deaf ears' without so much as a Thank You.
Fair enough, I'm not expecting a gold watch, but I have got to a stage in my lonely existence whereby even a polite 'Bugger Off' would surfice. At least it's an aknowledgement!
However, I shall continue to try my best to help fellow sufferers on MNP any way I can regardless of any lack of gratitude or absent comments from the poster in return.
Sincerely,
Old Misery Guts.
Horse.
I totally agree with you Horse .I was going to say something about this myself as i have noticed this is happening a lot on here lately .Makes you wonder why you bother half the time . Especially when you have taken time to research and offer experiences of your own life .It can also make people feel ,they are being ignored for personal reasons .Not nice .When you consider we are all sufferers trying to help . A simple Ta would suffice IMO . Manners cost nothing at the end of the day .:lac: Sue x
totally agree with you its nice to be nice after all xx
No body ever replies to my posts and i do wonder why i still write up how im feeling etc especially as no one seems bothered! haha
I feel like I write some really encouraging and supportive posts but sometimes they go completly un noticed
paula lynne
06-05-11, 10:55
I think we are a very mixed bag here, and this is good. I also think, that sometimes a person is in such a black hole with their panic/anxiety/whatever, they take the advice and run with it.....and may not come back on here til they feel better. Courtesy dictates that they should then go through old posts and thank those that helped. Sometimes this happens, sometimes it doesnt. I think the key is not to take it personally, and move on to those who appreciate help. :)
I know what you mean. Although I don't take it personally when it doesn't happen, it is nice when your reply is acknowledged:)
Many thanks to those above.
Paula Lynne
Agreed, we are are very mixed bag. Perhaps it's me but I always think gratitude is just a few presses on the keyboard. However, such is life. (Butler and Scullery maid services have been suspended by the way).
Agree Horse
I am fairly new here but get the strong gut instinct that some folk are posting who have found this site ..........and are posting for a laugh .
the trouble is we dont know do we ? and agree .. a plain ta suffices
it is the scourge of an open forum ..the trollling and the sad buggers who find our illness funny . chickens come back to roost eh ? hope they never ever need us for real. x
Princess Sparkle
06-05-11, 19:21
I'm new here, but I've already received some great advice and reassurance when needed. I shall always try to respond to thank anyone who offers me advice, though this isn't always possible (sometimes I don't have internet access for a while after posting here or sometimes I generally just feel too down to use the internet or to post anything at all).
I think some people as well probably tend to post here more when they need help and then, when they're feeling a bit better, just try to get on with their lives. I understand that as I already feel like my anxiety takes up so much of my time. But I'm making an effort to try to post here on my good days as well as my bad days, so that I can maybe offer some advice to others who are going through a rough patch. I think that's all any of us can really do and expect of others. :)
Hi, I am posting here to get my tally up to five to play the games. I am revisiting after a few years absence. Since I started typing my panic has subsided. So I am now going to bed without playing the games. In my early days here, years ago, I noted that one of my coping strategies is now adopted by the board or was it another board...getting feeble in brain.I feel that if a person is here seriously in time they will reply to help given but not immeadiatly as that is beyond their abilities or concerns initially. Any way I thank you for your help and the time you have taken to post and help others. Tom
Hadn't posted in a while till yesterday - and was very swiftly reminded of one of the reasons I don't bother any more.
Unfortunately I'm not very good at not taking things personally so I guess I'm finally seeing it's best just to stay away :lac:
Unfortunately I'm not very good at not taking things personally so I guess I'm finally seeing it's best just to stay away :lac:
True Jane. I think most sufferers here take things personally - it goes with the territory.
We can come up with umpteen excuses but it's still rude. It only takes a second to say "Thanks", even if you haven't got much else to say or found the post unhelpful.
I see many people ignoring threads where they've got replies and starting new ones, which makes you wonder why you bother. I've even confronted people on this in the past but I don't waste my breath any more - I simply refrain from posting on their threads in future.
There is no excuse for such behaviour IMO.
I agree with you Horse. Its happened to me a few times and no matter how anxious you are etc, if you can post for help/advice then surely you can post a thank you!
Mandie xx
Anxious_gal
07-05-11, 14:21
I've replied to lots of posts, I often forget to check back on them too.
It's nice when you are thanked but I just prefer that the people who make posts take the time to offer some support to others.
I'm awful for thank people for replying to my posts, this is normally because I feel embarrassed for making the post in the first place. Although I have gotten better at saying thanks,
I agree with you Horse, some people have no manners! I always try to thank people by their user name when I've had advice.
Paula has a good point that some people get so self-absorbed in their problems that courtesy goes out of the window, sometimes they can't help it as they're so obsessed with whatever is wrong. They can also get so anxious/stressed/depressed that the advice is not sinking in properly or they are not reading anything they want to hear.
I'm quite a hard-faced old bag so it doesn't upset me not to have thanks, but I do think it's rude and I will make a note to avoid giving advice when someone seems ungrateful or posts about the same thing all the time.
Similar comments from me as well - I'm always happy to give people advice. particularly if it's something I feel I can usefully contribute to. However, like Hazel I'm afraid I tend to ignore the people who post repeatedly about the same thing, or don't seem to appreciate that people here are trying to help them.
I always believe what goes around comes around. People who are rude and have no manners will usually find it costs them in the end. They will probably go through life rubbing people up the wrong way and it will affect the quality of their relationships with others.
It doesn't bother me on here when no one says thank you, but it does irritate me a bit when a post is repeated that a user has already had reasonable replies to and they haven't acknowledged it at all. At the end of the day though, is such a person actually rude or ill? It is impossible to tell. You also never know what impact your post may have had even if they don't acknowledge it - it might have been enough for someone to feel less isolated, not as close to the edge, it may even have saved their life!
Tyke
Some difference in opinions here and I tend to agree with all of them.
It is true that some people may read the replies to their post differently to how they are intended (a reason why I still believe it is so important to use correct grammer and punctuation if possible) and that some replies may be misinterpreted incorrectly. Sadly, the days of 'text talk' are upon us!
Personally, I still believe good manners costs nothing and all that is involved is typing 'thanks.'
Nevertheless, some good replies as usual and maybe I'm just getting old and moany. Perhaps it's just the way the world is now going but I'm still sticking to my guns!
Thanks everybody.
Horse.
You're not moany, you have manners and courtesy!:)
Thanks Hazel, that's very kind.
Credit must go to my parents.
Mine too! I was brought up to know that "courtesy costs nothing" and to "treat others as you'd like your elderly Granny to be treated"!
:)
I think good manners always pays off in the end. I tend to remember the people who have treated me with the most respect. I would be more likely to help them in the future than someone who is indifferent or at worst rude. Although it doesn't bother me when a user doesn't acknowledge helpers posts, it is always nice to get a thank you or an update. I think we all like to feel what we do is appreciated. Personally, I always thank people when they have done something for me, I was brought up that way, but many folk don't bother and I feel they will ultimately lose out by it.
Tyke
I do not post on hear very often because the problems i have are probably not suitable to post on NMP. But this post has angered me so much that i had to say something. You have been kind enough to reply to a persons post and give them what advice you can thats very kind of you . But dont get upset just because they dont thank you or reply just accept you have done what you can to help that person . Sorry i just think this post is out of order on a site where so many people cum looking for help :mad: . Just accept it happens for what ever reason.
Chris.
Many thanks for your response.
Sorry that my post has angered you, although I fail to see the justification in getting angry over it.
It's not that I 'get upset' as you say over people who fail to show their gratitude, it's just that as has been quoted on here by other members, manners cost nothing.
Sorry but I fail to see how my original post is 'out of order.' To the best of my knowledge, I have not offended anyone by posting this (apart from your good self) and I subsequently apologise for doing so.
However, I notice that you have had the decency to thank people in the past who have responded to you own posts and that is all I am asking in the first place.
Perhaps I am reading too much aggression in your reply, but that appears to be the way it comes across to me.
Thanks again anyway.
Take care.
Horse.
Hi Chris, I tend to agree with you... I learnt a long time ago that you don't help someone in the hope of getting something in return. Life is about giving because you care and want to impart your "knowledge" to hopefully make someone else's suffering less...
Morning All:)I do not come here to ask for reply,if find what i say constuctive that ok by me.I am agiver and do not ask for pats on back or replies to posts,I normally kill off threads...lol......Petra x:flowers:
In my defence.
I do NOT post replies in order to get or expect something in return.
As I previously stated, on some occasions I have taken the trouble to even relay my past difficulties which have been emotionally painfull, in order to try and give supplementary support to a sufferer. I do not do it in order to get a pat on the back and it matters not one jot to me if they offer some support likewise when I am in need of help, I am not here for that!
Yes, I am happy to help that person if I can and if I can't, then at least I've tried.
I, like most of the responders who support my post, have just stated that it would be nice if people would aknowledge with a thank you, to those who have taken the trouble to offer help.
I am sure that if anyone held open a shop door for someone, and they just walked through without saying thank you, then there would be some tension.
And I say once again, manners cost nothing, regardless of whatever circumstances.
Horse.
Well said Horse ..and DITTO .I cant stand bad manners in any shape or form . sue x
we are not talking about opening a shop door for some one we are talking about people with serious mental health problems ,etc, that are hear to try and find help. Sometimes people are so desperate to find that help and in such a mess they just dont think about saying thanx. I think we should be thanking them for looking for support on this wonderful site .
nomorepanic
08-05-11, 23:41
To be honest I sometimes see members do post after post about problems and never reply and then come back a week later and do another post.
I personally would like them to reply to at least one of their posts and just say whether it helped or not or whether the "problem" has gone away.
I am not saying people have to reply saying "thanks" all the time but it would be nice if they in some way acknowledged the help they had and said whether it helped or not.
I follow threads sometimes waiting to see what the outcome was to a problem and then that person never replies so we never know.
If you are well enough to post .What s the difference to acknoweldge than to post ?Not everyone here has SERIOUS MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES Sometime people are distressed and this isnt a problem .when these people dont reply .We are talking mainly about posters who are just plain rude .People have been upset on here because they have been ignored ,It works both ways Theres no excuse for bad manners .Why you think its acceptable beats me ..Sue
Chris
Very well.
Thanks again for the comment.
Take care.
Sincerely, a somewhat confused,
Horse.
I think Horse's original post has been taken out of context and misunderstood. Courtesy isn't obligatory - no one imposes it on anyone else - but, as others have said, a simple acknowledgement and letting us know how they got on isn't much to ask, especially before going on to start another thread (generally about the same thing). After all, if no one replied to their post I'm sure they would feel disappointed. It works both ways.
We're all different, some people post when they are in extreme distress, and the last thing on their mind is saying thankyou. I know when I was at the height of my ptsd, the last thing I could've done was consider another person's feelings! I was just desperate not to die... I would also imagine that a lot of people on here forget half of the things they've posted, because they were suffering too much at the time :(
If you get so upset when people don't say thankyou, maybe this isn't a "healthy" place for you to be...
nomorepanic
09-05-11, 00:22
If you get so upset when people don't say thankyou, maybe this isn't a "healthy" place for you to be...
I am sorry but that is total rubbish!
What's "total rubbish"? It's obviously upsetting quite a few people, and surely when someone suffers from anxiety the last thing they need is more upset?
Haven't you noticed... we don't live in a perfect world? :(
nomorepanic
09-05-11, 00:29
You are saying that if we get upset when people don't give us common courtesy then they shouldn't be here so I said that was rubbish cos it is.
nomorepanic
09-05-11, 00:29
Haven't you noticed... we don't live in a perfect world? :(
I never said we did
That's your opinion and your perspective... not mine... I'd rather you weren't quite so dismissive and rude about my comments and my beliefs. Thankyou
nomorepanic
09-05-11, 00:34
Yes it is so why can I not express my opinion like you did yours?
I think I have been around a lot longer to know what happens on here and I was agreeing with horse that it doesn't take much to reply to a post that you did and at least acknowledge you read it.
You are entitled to your opinion as well of course.
I didn't call your opinion "total rubbish"... and I didn't say you weren't entitled to your opinion... I just gave my opinion that's all :)
nomorepanic
09-05-11, 00:44
Ok well I apologise if I was out of order. It just annoyed me what you said.
I wouldn't personally lose any sleep over someone not saying "Thanks" but I still find it rude because this is a free site where people support each other. Discourtesy goes against community spirit. If people don't understand that or want to understand that then let them fill their boots. But next time they need help they can whistle. Simples hehe.
Dear Horse it was not my intention to offend any body and i hope i have not.All i wanted was to but my view across as it makes no difference to me if they say thanks or not. If i do reply to a post to try and give support or help its entirely up to them if they want to thank me .I just feel good that i have tried to help some one and thats all the thanks i need . take care horse and i will keep of your thread now . all the best chris
Just for the record.
I have suffered Anxiety since the untimely and sudden death of my Father when I was 13. I am now nearly 57 and have continued to suffer for the past 43 years. I have also experienced as a young teenager serious physical abuse, sexual abuse and assault, PTSD, suicide attemps and various other unsavoury amounts of mental and emotional pain and disorders. There have been times when I have been so depressed and confused that I have wanted to just blow my brains out. Ten years ago I lost what little family I did have and have sinced lived a very lonely existance peppered with regret, guilt, remorse, sadness and fear.
However, I have never ever during any of those times failed to express my deepest thanks and gratitude to anyone who has offerered or been able to help me.
To me, gratitude is automatic, regardless of whatever state of mind one is in.
Chris.
Thanks for your reply.
Take care my friend.
(The above text is not in direct reply to your above post by the way).
Horse.
To me, gratitude is automatic, regardless of whatever state of mind one is in.
Horse.
Yes, well put Horse. People sometimes assume that because we're replying to a post, offering support and advice, we must have fewer problems - or overcome them. We are all sufferers regardless. It's just that some people are a lot more vocal in expressing their concerns - not that they have more exigent or important issues.
That's why, as you say, gratitude is automatic - and universal. Exceptions do not break the rule.
Agree with this absolutely. I have suffered from anxiety of one sort or another for most of my life (and I'm 51 now, so that's a long time). I'm comparatively in recovery at the moment, and don't feel too bad, but I know that anxiety can come back depending on what else happens with my life. I hope that now I've had CBT, I'll be able to manage it better in future, but I also know that there are no guarantees.
Therefore I think that when those of us that are a bit "better" in terms of how we feel try to help others, we're doing it from the point of view of having had prior experience of it.
I think maybe the problem here is in something you've stated Horse... "To me gratitude is automatic, regardless of what state of mind someone is in"... To YOU it is automatic... but you are only coming from your own life experience, and therefore can only judge it from your own perspective. To assume gratitude can be taken for granted is quite dangerous I think... I had to learn the hard way that gratitude doesn't come naturally to the majority of people these days :(
Ok.
You could be right but, I was taught manners at a early age long before I suffered Anxiety. It was something that eventually becomes automatic, like learning and repeating our times tables.
Thanks for comments anyway.
II had to learn the hard way that gratitude doesn't come naturally to the majority of people these days :(
'Tis true Kibbutz, 'tis true :lac:
Let us all have a cyber group hug,and all say Thanks.:hugs:
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