New here and scared.

[GoogleNoMore]

Hello!

I've been following this forum for about a year now. I suffer from health anxiety - usually my disease of choice is ovarian cancer. Last year I saw a psychologist for CBT; it helped alot and I'm now better able to control my anxiety. Every once in a while it flares up, but I've learned it's often due to stresses in other areas of my life. I can't control outer forces, but I can control my reactions to them. Sometimes I am great at that, other times...well... not so much. :shrug:

The reason I've decided to bite the bullet and finally post here (as opposed to reading all your posts and nodding like crazy, saying "Yes! yes! I KNOW what you're talking about!!!") is because for the past week I've been suffering gallbladder symptoms (I confess, I googled my symptoms. So far I've given myself liver disease, pancreatitis, stones, blockages, cancers - quite frankly I'm exhausted. It's been a busy week, diagnosis-wise!) I made an appointment with my family doctor, but that's not for another 3 weeks, and I don't want to wait that long. So today I am going to go to the hospital to get it checked out.

Which brings me to my reason for writing here. I am scared to death. I don't know what to expect. I'm pretty sure they won't keep me, right? My fear is to need surgery, but not wake up from it and never see my little boy again. I can't help but feel I am better off staying home. The pain is more a discomfort. It's not unbearable. The nausea is off-putting, but... And as soon as I decide to stay home and wait it out, I start to worry something is going to rupture in my sleep, in which case I'm not going to wake up and I'll never see my little boy again. You see where I'm going with this? sigh.

I know I can't expect you to diagnose me over the Internet, but here's my symptoms: nausea; which often gets worse after eating; dull ache on right side under ribs; sometimes going up the back into right shoulder; chills; bloated upper abdomen; more burping. I also know these can be symptoms of other conditions, as well as anxiety. I just don't want to be seen as the crazy lady who keeps thinking she's sick. :wacko:

If you've made it to the end of this post, I thank you very much for your patience. I had hoped, by writing this out, to come to a clearer decision as to what I'm going to do today. I haven't, but I do feel not so panicky for some reason. So that's a bonus. Funny thing is, if I were a stranger reading this post, I would say the worry is worse than the knowing; the chances of it being something really serious are quite slim; and that this probably happens at the hospital very often, if it ends up to be nothing. I would tell that person to go, put their mind at ease, and then come back to post their success story for other scared readers. But I'm NOT a stranger reading this post, I'm me writing this post, and that seems to be making a heap of difference in my common sense department.

Anyway, thanks for reading this ramble. Hope you have a great day!

[bloxy]

Hello and welcome:hugs:

I'm afraid I'm not really sure about the specifics of gall bladder symptoms but my cousin had problems last year and she was in terrible pain rather than discomfort.

You're right though, the symptoms you have could be a lot of things...mainly things that are not serious or life threatening but I understand how scary it is when you don't know and are guessing.

Is there any way that you can ask for a cancellation appointment so you can see your own doctor?

[Taffy]

I had the same symptoms you have describe last year, My fear was Colon C as my Father died from it. I first noticed the pain in my upper right abdomen under my ribs last May and it was accompanied by loose bowel movements and lots of other abdominal pains. Immediatley I diagnosed myself with the big C. I went to the GP who did stool samples and bloods including LFT and all came back clear. However the pain persisted as did my Anxiety about it so the GP refered me for an Ultrasound. This also came back clear which did help my anxiety for a liittle while. In the end I was convinced they had missed something and asked to be refered for a Colonoscopy & Endoscopy both of which I had done last October and both came back completely clear, apart from a little inflammation in my Duodenum, which the Doctor wasnt the least bit worried about.

Now I knew that it was all clear my symptoms miraculously cleared up and I have been fine up until a few weeks ago until my a HA has returned again. (That's another story!) :doh:

What I'm getting at is that your anxiety may definitley be causing this symptoms you have describe and as we all know the more we focus on them the worse the get and seem.

I know exaclty how you feel about your Son, its the main thing I worry about is leaving him and it makes me feel sick to my core even thinking about it, but its all part of the terrible thing we call Health Anxiety.

If it will make you feel better then go to the Hospital and speak to a profession who can hopefully put your mind at ease.

I hope this post will help you feel a little better. Best Wishes.

[onlysmee]

Hi Googlenomore, I hope you've made a decision and are now some way forward in finding out what's wrong, but just wanted to say how much I empathise. My worst nightmare is also that something will finally (after years of worrying!) be so wrong that something has to be done, and that something will go wrong and take me away from my boys. Set against that is - yep, just as you say, doing nothing through fear leading to something going wrong which could have been fixed! :doh:

I'm no symptoms expert, but the things you describe, although they could be caused by anxiety, are new symptoms despite you having had anxiety for some time. My rule of thumb, if faced with symptoms which I think a rational adult would be concerned about, is to go get checked out. If something needs doing, better it's picked up early; if everything looks OK, I can use that reassurance to send the worries away more effectively. If you're more comfortable with a non-hospital setting, would an out of hours GP be available? Or a walk-in clinic? I recognise your fears, but some simple tests would probably rule out your major worries, and you will only have to go through a procedure if you need it - in which case not going to have it checked out would potentially cause much worse problems in the long run.

In my experience, biting the bullet and getting checked out with new and potentially serious problems is the way to go. Last weekend my leg pain reached the level where I was struggling to walk, but I didn't want to get it checked out in case a) it was nothing and I wasted everyone's time, or b) it WAS something awful!! I finally got it checked out; they ruled out a DVT (my no.1 fear cos I have some clotting problems) with a simple blood test, and today a great osteopath talked me through the root causes of my sciatica and how we'd fix it. I still have residual dark thoughts about missed tumours or infections!, but feel a million times happier than when I was sat at home fretting and googling, and I feel justified in telling my anxiety thoughts to go and play with someone else, cos I'm not playing. :yesyes:

I really hope it's nothing serious - usually there is a simple and very fixable explanation, and I'm sure that's the case. Best of luck. :hugs:

[happycamper]

Is it a co-incidence most of us on this thread have sons and one of our biggest fears is leaving them...?
It's all exhausting stuff isn't it...I've worn myself out with anxiety over the last few years, yet still here, probably fit as a fiddle in health terms. Can sympathise with you all. X

[flumpkin]

Hi and welcome! Your symptoms sound uncannily familiar. I have just been for an US today as have had lower right abdominal discomfort for 2 months plus lots of burping (and an occaional wave of nausea). I too have HA which started when my dd was about 2 and I had a Breast Cancer scare. I am terrified of not seeing her grow up, or having something, not getting checked and leaving it too late so I have a diagnosis where I have to explain to her. It is why HA is so tricky as surely it is the right thing to do to get symptoms checked out and I think prob normal to be a bit anxious about results and tests etc.. - the issue is not letting it take over. (yeah right) I am dealing with mine at the mo much better than I have previously (I can still function, go to work, have quality family time etc and apart from a few close people AND all the lovely peeps on here, no-one knows about the worries, what if voices etc). I have found that I panic, feel sick, have much greater anxiety until I decide to go and get something checked - I have started to recognise that I might as well go and check things out (rather than beating myself up about fact it may be just being anxiety) as I will not settle until I have been and I will just cause myself more anxiety until I finally do go. Hopefully that makes sense?

I would def go and try and get an earlier appt at drs if you can - 3 weeks is a very long time to wait.Keep us posted on how you get on.

love flumpkin xx

[GoogleNoMore]

Hi again everyone!

Just popping in to thank you all for the wonderful support. What a nice feeling it is to not be judged, and to not be told "it's all in your head"!

I ended up going to the hospital, and it turns out that my gallbladder is full of stones and needs to come out. So at this point I am very glad to have gotten checked out, and I'm not even going to think about the surgery and what that all entails. :winks:

PS - I mentioned to the doctor about my HA, and she was extremely sympathetic. She was kind, answered all my questions and made sure I knew what was going on through all the tests. She told me she sees many of us through the day, and actually praised me for letting her know about it. Now I know doctors like her (especially in the ER) can be few and far between, but her attitude went a long way in calming me down. I wish there were more like her.

Again, thanks to all who have written - especially about the fears a parent has with a young child. It's nice to know I'm not alone. In fact, yesterday I posted on my fridge O.F.I.T. , to remind me that Others Feel It Too.

Hope you have a wonderful day, and that your worries are few.
:flowers:

[onlysmee]

Wow, Googlenomore - I had to post to say congratulations on doing an amazing job tackling your HA. Going to the hospital, taking such a proactive approach to the doctor treating you, and taking the situation calmly step by step - I know it's not the news you would hope for, but it sounds like you're staying brilliantly in control of it all. :yesyes: I'm sure they will do a great job fixing you, keep us posted on how you're doing on the route to being pain and stone free!

[bloxy]

Well done on getting checked out:yesyes:

Now you know what you are dealing with and can get it fixed, the not knowing is the worst part:hugs:

[flumpkin]

Well done on going to get checked. I am sure your surgery will be fine and I know there are others on here that have had gallbaldders removed who maybe be able to offer more insight. Also shows it is worth getting things checked and you can have things that need treatment that aren't the big C!

I am so pleased to hear you got a sympathetic and understanding dr who 'understood about HA' - they make such a difference. I think I finally have one who understands that I am a worrier. I too tend to tell people as you can't expect people to second guess.

I think having children is a big trigger for many, and many of us HA peeps are not as abnormal as we sometimes think. We just need to try to keep natural worries in perspective and not let anxiety take over and not always jump to the worse case scenarios but deal with things as they happen. (just need to take my own advice when I go off on one!)

Anyway - glad you are getting sorted chick and another big well done you!

love flumpkin xx