Struggling a bit to help today

[mcray1981]

Hey guys,

My wife is having a bad day and I am really struggling to be the support I want to be. Is it normal as a carer to have days where you just dont feel you have the strength to cope with helping? I feel guilty about this and wonder at times like this if I do more harm than good. I feel like going into a corner and crying myself today.

Is there anyone who feels like this?? Or are there any organisations or charities set up to help carers?

I want to be the best support I can be just finding it very hard at the moment.

Mcray1981

[Elen]

Sorry you are having a bad time.

I would say that it is totally normal. It is a huge thing.

Not sure about organisations but I am sure that there will be someone along who is more help to you.

Just wanted to give you :hugs:

[mcray1981]

Thanks Elen - I really appreciated your reply and hug! I think I'm going to contact one of the local charities about it and see if there is a support group for carers.
:)

[paula lynne]

My hubby has been taking care of me since....2 weeks after our wedding in Sept 2000, when I had my first panic attack. I totally sympathise with you. Its the hardest thing in the world seeing someone you love go through any of it to be honest. It can drain you. It can make you weary. Kev and me used to fight because he wanted to make it ok and "fix me" I guess. Well, bless him, despite all his efforts he simply couldnt, and cant.

As a carer, the best thing you can do is give reassurance of your love and loyalty. Tell her that you love her unconditionally and will be there no matter what. Also, its important that you are up to date with whatever her particular problem is. Keep in touch with doctors or specialists, ask questions. Write things down.

It would be great if you can find an online support group, but Im so sorry, I dont know of any personally, Im sure others do who post here though. Its so hard when you yourself are going through a bad day. From personal experience, I expected my hubby to be there for me at all times. As my illness progressed, it became clear he was suffering alone bless him. I came to understand that he is just human, and seeing me go throught it all was in actual fact maiking him ill with worry. Sharing is your biggest friend, even if its just here. There are many who empathise with you, so dont give up, and trust that tomorrow will be a better day for you and her. Keep posting here. We are with you I promise. x
Love, Paula x:)

[paula lynne]

Hi, I totally empathise with you. Im the poorly one, and my hubby is the carer. I got ill just 2 weeks after our wedding, and Ive expected him to be there for me ever since. Its so hard seeing someone you love going through all this. It makes you tired and upset, even depressed to some extent.

I remember my hubby crying one night......he seemed to want to "fix me"....bless him. He cant fix me, only I can. Please rely on the most up to date research and info of your other halfs condition, and keep in contact with her gp/consultant. I promise you, you are not alone.

The most important thing you can do is give her your unconditional love and loyalty. You cant fix her, but you can be there for her.

Cant comment on online support groups sorry, but posting here will be helpful, keep us updated. Be as detailed or vague as you want.

As a carer, all my husband wants to do is make it go away and have me back as I used to be. This is not possible, but we learn to appreciate life and each other just as we are.

As a sufferer, all I want my husband to be is.......to be there.

Im sorry for your suffering. Tomorrow is another day. I hope its better for you. I know you are tired, but a kiss, hug, bunch of flowers, kind word, goes an awful long way with a girl.
Much love, Paula x:)

[paula lynne]

Blooming double post...sorry, cant find out how to delete, how embarrasing...:blush:

[mcray1981]

Hey Paula,

I think your right - I do tend to put my mr fix it hat on quite a lot and then I guess I get frustrated. Think I need to accept there will be days when all I can do is be there for her and let her know I'm not going anyway. I guess too I need to say when I am struggling too - if I get bad or down then I can't help at all.

She is in a lot better form this evening which is helping my spirits too. I think the rollercoaster of it all can be tough too.

Thanks so much for your reply (both of them :-) )