Feel like im falling apart.

[Nula]

Hello everyone, I hope you are all well.
Im really having a bad time of things healthwise at the moment and its bringing on horrid panic attacks.
I have chronic renal failure and currently have an infection which is making me feel quite ill. I have to catheterise myself when I need to pee, and when I panic I cant get the catheter in so that leaves more pain[Sigh...]
Im also being test for crohn's disease as the gastroenterologist is certain I have that or Ulcerative colitis, so thats making me feel quite ill too.
And I top of that I suffer from vertigo due to sensitive ears/balance and I currently have very painful ears which is making the vertigo worse.

I keep trying to tell myself that im ok, Usually I can deal with all this. But for some reason this weekend has been one non stop panic, And I really dont know how to calm myself down.
I keep telling my self that im ok and that ive got a long road ahead of me healthwise and that I can handle it, and I feel more positive but then 30 minutes later im in a crazy panic again, thinking im dying.
My partner is great, always supporting me and trying to make me think positive but I cant seem to snap out of this panic attack.
Does anyone have any advice? I didnt sleep last night or the night before due to the panic attacks, so Im really tired right now which isnt helping matters.

Thanks in advance
Nula
xxx

[jackie]

nula i really belive the answers lie in yourself as you seem to be dealing with alot and dealing with it admirably. how i wish i had your courage for the future, even a kidney infection has me a quivering wreck. so you would not want any advice from such a weeling

what i can give you is alot of thanks for answering my post and a great pleasure it is to talk to someone as positive as yourself

dont worry if you have bad feelings sometimes, god knows you deserve a good whinge as you are going through alot. but as you so rightly say , youve got alot of things ahead of you and a great support in your partner

go you you brave woman

jackie

[Nula]

Aww jackie thats a lovely reply thank you. I dont feel brave though I feel like a nervous wreck. Like last night I was sick, only a little, my partner was trying to convince me it was because of my infection,which deep down I know it is, but I dont listen, I just run around like a headless chicken crying my eyes out thinking im going to die in the next hour.

As if I dont have enough already my mind is now inventing illnesses for me that could kill me with in an hour[^] you've got to love the way our brains work.

[jackie]

bloody hell i know. if someone normal heard how many times we had ourselves six foot under theyd sign us all in somewhere

well with 5 kids and sleep deprived, i for one would go!

jackie

[Nula]

I know, this weekend ive planned my own funeral countless times.

It always calms me down a little to come on here and see im not the only one that feels this way. I can feel myself begin to relax already.

[jackie]

me too i just feel so bad this week i just had to come on here and already i feel not so bad.

i wish i could be less afraid and feel less lke these symptoms are fatal

jackie