It's Back :-(

[Ellie-Bear]

Well, I thought I had beaten my panic attacks, having not had one for 3 1/2 weeks. (I was having 4/5 every single day before this brought on by a course of steroids that I had a very strange reaction to.)
I woke up this morning feeling a lot more dizzy than normal but got on with the day, dropped the kids off at school and trundled off to work. The morning went ok, still felt very dizzy and spaced out but just tried to get on with it and not think about how I was feeling. My hubby suggested we go out and get something to eat during the lunch hour so off we go. Arrived at the cafe and ordered our food, I'm already wondering how I'm going to manage to eat anything as starting to feel very, very sick. The cafe was quite full and it just felt as if everyone was staring at me, felt like I wanted to just run out of the door. Sat down and starting to feel worse and worse, shaking, heart racing, pins and needles in hands, so I concentrate on my breathing and have some rescue remedy. But the waves of panic show no signs of going and it turns into a full blown panic attack - ARGHHHHHH!!
It's really knocked me for six as I honestly thought (stupidly maybe) that I had beaten it, now it just feels like I'm back to square one. I just keep crying, which might be a good thing as I haven't been able to cry for a couple of months. I just want to feel like me again.
Writing this all down has helped a bit, I can still think positively but when I'm in the grips of panic or health anxiety (I've convinced myself in the last few weeks that I've had breast cancer, throat cancer, lung cancer and it's a brain tumour at the mo) it's impossible. It seems so difficult to think that all of the symptoms I'm suffering from are down to the anxiety and not something more serious/life threatening. I keep wanting to go back to the doctors but I know they are just going to say it's all down to the anxiety, I just need the reassurance that its not something more serious.
Thank you for listening and sorry to blither on, just had to get it off my chest.

[snowgoose]

oh Ellie ..........I do feel for you :hugs:
it is two steps forward and one back sometimes in this anxiety hell.
but you have done so well already .........dont forget that ..........and it sounds to me as though you are tired and a bit overwrought through all the work we have to do to conquer this. a good cry will help indeed . be kind to yourself now .......have nice warm bath and a book maybe and warm drink . tomorrow is another day. and you are winning although it doesnt feel like it tonight .
xx

[Ellie-Bear]

Thank you for your kind words snowgoose. Feel slightly better this morning, although feel a bit beaten by it all and exhausted even though I slept like a baby. I'm determined to win the battle though, just need to gain control of my head!!
Wish there was a magic cure for this anxiety hell.
Take care. Xx

[blueangel]

Unfortunately, dealing with this sort of thing is always like going two steps forward and then one backwards - it's the nature of the condition. However, you should find that the bad days get less frequent, and the more you can keep in touch with the outside world, you should find that you get gradually better.

[M155anthr0p3]

Hi Ellie,

I can completely understand where you're coming from, you sound just like me.
I've been ok for 2 & a half weeks & then suddenly this morning - PANIC at work. And it does make you feel like you're back at aquare one again but you have to tell yourself that you're not & you are making progress, even if it is slow.
I couldn't go to a supermarket before whereas now I can (even if my stomach does turn over about 10 times beforehand), but I can do it.

What helped me (may sound silly) was keepign a diary. Every day I wrote down how I felt, good & bad & when I feel like I am getting nowhere I look back at it & realise how bad of a place I used to be in.

And I am getting there & you will too.

Keep fighting!!

Emily xxx

[cromford]

Yes this anxiety thing can turn up and bite your bum after any length of time. I was doing really well. Had been living a fairly normaly life for the past 15yrs and then bamb. It has come back again. There could be several reasons for mine - hormones, loss of father last year, wedding this year, moved house twice in the last three years. I think I may have bottled up all the stress and anxiety and now that life has not great stress in it anxiety hits me. Lots of people would like to swap my situation ~(minus the anxiety) with there's. I don't need to work as hubby's income supports us both. I looked forward to this early retirement but having nothing to focus on outside of the home is not good for me. I did a lot of stuff with my local church that has kept me busy but the anxiety has made be pack all that in for the time being. I feel I am letting a lot of people down. I can't eat properly. My tongue feels like a carpet. As I have been here before I know it gets better but I had forgotten what hard work it is. I phoned a friend who knew me when my first episode started 30 years ago and she listened to me and then told me I was not as bad as I was then and to take some positivity out of that. I have difficulty patting myself on the back.
Sorry this has turned into a bit of a whingy reply. I am so depressed at the moment. I hope EMily and Ellie that you feel better than I do.
De

[M155anthr0p3]

Hi Cromford,

Wow it sounds like you've had a lot of stress in your life recently so no wonder you feel this way.
And it doesn't matter how "nice" your life is in other people's eyes, it's how you feel inside that matters & I am sure they wouldn't trade that if they understood how soul destroying anxiety was.

If you ever want a chat you can always pm me anytime.

Emily

xxx