Not having the best day today so fustrated and low

[sunset30]

Not having the best day today so fustrated and low.
I have seriously had gutful of my tiny isolated life and its come to tears today.
Fed up of waiting and waiting for things to change ie me!
Started Pregabalin weeks ago thought it was going to be the answer that would chnage everything but seriously having doubts.
Worse thing of all while all this is chopping and changing of trying new meds wait and waiting i am not able to follow throw on a amazing opportunty i have been offered. Someone is going to give me in training me in photograpy.. eventaully they will get fed up of trying to contact me and think i am being ungrateful. I even managed to save for a proffesinal camera and no interest in really using it now i got it but really not sure how to. Another thing my illness has ruined for me. feel like my life has been on hold for ever now . I'm not getting any younger as im 34 this year i haven't been able to work since 7 years ago. Before that job it was jobs i couldnt cope with and had to pack in eventually.
How on earth can i be a professional photographer when i cant deal with leaving the flat and being with other people.My life is passing me by and feel theres nothing i can do. Ive just had enough of it all. I just want to give up completely.
Lost battle thats what it feels like today.
Tired all the time no want to exercise, see anyone just want to stay in my confort zone and while i do alll this i'm getting fat of my meds.
Waiting for councelling which could take up to 6months its just ongoing. Getting to the point i dont want to be with my boyfriend either cos he stresses me out or his misreble face effects makes my mood worse and i just want slap him. I know i would be in bits if we did split as hes mt crutch at the mo. Sounds terrible i know. we had a arguement yesturday and he called me a bum and i use my illness as a excuse, that really hurt. He siad ihe didnt mean it but its stuck with me today cos thats how i feel huge bum livening of the goverment. I hate it!
I wish i could snap out of this mentalness.
arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!

Thank god for this site!

[grayer]

hi sunset sound like you are having a bad time but meds wont help you the way you think. its your inner strenght that every one has that helps them. if you sit and think of all the good things that happened in your life and work on them.and any thing bad push it to the side.and think of all the good things you whant to happen and only them. and dont even say you cant then you are on the first road to getting better

[shady2]

you know where I am if you need me hun- :bighug1:

[just-jax]

Hi,
Sometimes I feel that the most beautiful and expressive art - be it photography; painting; writing, etc. - is created in times that the artist is feeling isolated and low, certainly that's true of my poetry.
Please don't feel alone, there are so so many people feeling the way you do and it's not a sign of weakness or failure to have these feelings.
:hugs:
Jackie xx

[sunset30]

Thanks everyone for your kind words. My doctor has refered me to a emergancy mental health team. Got to see mental health nurse tomorrow and go from there.

I'm not getting the out of control thoughts so much today but more of a numb feeling but anxious and aggitated think im going through the cycle of moods.

Went out today and couldnt wait to get home. But at least i had a go...thats a start.

I will keep you posted on what the mental health nurse says.

Thank you everyone xxxx

[just-jax]

Hi Sunset, how did it go with the mental health nurse? :hugs:

Jackie x